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Shy people focus too much on extremely outgoing, aggressive people
I discovered this myself from my own personal experiences (and recently found an article to verify this) that I used to focus too much on the behavior of the most outgoing person in a crowd. I assumed that in order to be social, I had to imitate his/her behavior. At the same time, I was ignoring the fact that MOST people in the crowd were actually quiet or blended in with the conversation without standing out too much. In fact, the more aggressive people are usually the ones that are not necessarily considered to be very socially adept.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200001/shyness-the-new-solution?page=2
I discovered this myself from my own personal experiences (and recently found an article to verify this) that I used to focus too much on the behavior of the most outgoing person in a crowd. I assumed that in order to be social, I had to imitate his/her behavior. At the same time, I was ignoring the fact that MOST people in the crowd were actually quiet or blended in with the conversation without standing out too much. In fact, the more aggressive people are usually the ones that are not necessarily considered to be very socially adept.
The above statements came from pages 2 and 5 of the following article in Psychology Today:Self-consciously focused on their own shortcomings, they fail to look around and notice that most people are just like them -- listeners, not social standouts. Our surveys show that 48% of people are shy. So not only are the shy not alone, they probably have plenty of company at any social function.
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Good conversationalists make comments that are connected to what is said to them and to the social situation. The connectedness of their communication is, in fact, one of its most outstanding features. Aggressive people actually make more attempts to join others in conversation but are less successful at it than the socially adept because they call attention to themselves, rather than finding a way to fit into ongoing group activity. They might throw out a statement that disrupts the conversation, or respond contentiously to a question. They might blurt something about the way they feel, or shift the conversation to something of interest exclusively to themselves.
"You don't have to be interesting. You have to be interested,"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200001/shyness-the-new-solution?page=2