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'm in my late twenties, and I'm worried about my issues with showing/accepting affection. I haven't had many relationships, but what I've realized in the few relationships that I have had, I have been acted more along the lines of a "friend" than a a "boyfriend". This I'm finding is confusing a lot of women I've dated.

Like with my most recent ex, she was the one that initiated the relationship after we went on a few dates and I wasn't making any moves by asking me upfront, if I wanted to be with her...she called the most mysterious guy she had ever met.

But even after that, I always had a hard time coming on to her and showing her physical affection and I think mainly due to that, the relationship didn't work out. She got the idea that I wasn't "that" into her, and dumped me.

Now this cycle keeps repeating itself. I keep dating girls, that I do find attractive, but I'm always so careful with them. a few dates in, and I always get the same question from them: "I can't tell if you're into me or not?"....or something along those lines.

I just don't like "going there" with them, it unnerves me. It's not that I want to and can't, it's that I feel like I'm obligated to, but it's not a huge urge for me. My brain is just focused on other things, like how this person can fit into my future...instead of showing affection and being intimate with them. The main thing is, I just don't trust them and it's very hard to feel comfortable enough with a person to let them in my space.

That's scary because I feel like if I can't overcome this, I will always be alone, not experience real love. I don't have a problem meeting girls, having them interested in me, I just play it safe because safe seems to be all i want. How can I want more?

If that's not too weird of a question.
 

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'm in my late twenties, and I'm worried about my issues with showing/accepting affection. I haven't had many relationships, but what I've realized in the few relationships that I have had, I have been acted more along the lines of a "friend" than a a "boyfriend". This I'm finding is confusing a lot of women I've dated.

Like with my most recent ex, she was the one that initiated the relationship after we went on a few dates and I wasn't making any moves by asking me upfront, if I wanted to be with her...she called the most mysterious guy she had ever met.

But even after that, I always had a hard time coming on to her and showing her physical affection and I think mainly due to that, the relationship didn't work out. She got the idea that I wasn't "that" into her, and dumped me.

Now this cycle keeps repeating itself. I keep dating girls, that I do find attractive, but I'm always so careful with them. a few dates in, and I always get the same question from them: "I can't tell if you're into me or not?"....or something along those lines.

I just don't like "going there" with them, it unnerves me. It's not that I want to and can't, it's that I feel like I'm obligated to, but it's not a huge urge for me. My brain is just focused on other things, like how this person can fit into my future...instead of showing affection and being intimate with them. The main thing is, I just don't trust them and it's very hard to feel comfortable enough with a person to let them in my space.

That's scary because I feel like if I can't overcome this, I will always be alone, not experience real love. I don't have a problem meeting girls, having them interested in me, I just play it safe because safe seems to be all i want. How can I want more?

If that's not too weird of a question.
I'm in the same boat actually. late twenties, manage to meet and go out with a bunch of girls but I don't do anything, they don't do anything, and I stop calling and completely cut off any chances of having a relationship.

I can tell that I feel guilty about making a move. It's not fear, it's guilt. Guilt that I would want somebody physically. That's not what a boyfriend should be (my mind thinks like that anyway). It's a lot like social anxiety in the sense that you feel too ashamed to show yourself in front of people because you feel you're not cut out to be at their level. I never feel I'm at the level of a good date/potential boyfriend/person a woman would want to get physical with. So acting out that role is out of the question.

However, I've spoken to a few girls and they say they'd totally welcome having a guy sweep them off their feet, and put their arms around them. I don't know if it's true, but I think that's the big challenge for most single SAer men.
 
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