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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So basically where I live, EVERYONE is a Christian or at least claims to be. I'm an 18 year old girl and still living with my parents while I go to a community college. I was raised in a Christian home and went to a Christian school from K4 to Senior year. So naturally, all my friends and family are Christians.

The past year or so, I've been seriously doubting my faith. I've never really felt a true relationship with God, but I've always wanted one. I just felt silly praying when I wasn't even sure if there was a God. I've tried going to different churches and Christian groups to see if something would "click," but nothing ever has. And yet I still enjoy going to some churches, and I really like being around Christians because they tend to be friendly and have clean humor.

Anyway I think I'm agnostic and I really want to talk to someone about it, but I'm afraid to because I know it will completely change the way people think about me. I don't really want to be preached to, but I want to get my thoughts out there and have a rational discussion about it. Also, I don't want to stress out my parents and friends because I know they'll be worried about my salvation. I mean, no one wants to see someone they love go to hell, right?

So should I "come out" and tell people I'm agnostic or not?
 

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First tell them you're a Satanist. Let them think that for a few days. Then tell them you changed your mind and are an agnostic. They'll feel a lot better about it that way and won't give you as much **** for it.
 

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^^^ what he said.

But seriously, I was in the same situation as you. I just stopped going to church, and well I've explained several times to my parents, (by several maybe once or twice) what I do believe, and they're too dumb to remember it, so their problem not mine!
*ahem*. Oh right, this is about you...
I would say to tell them. Isn't it worse to lead them on and make them think you're happily going along with their religion, than for them to worry about you going to hell? I'm sure over a bit of time they'll accept your beliefs, and the whole worrying about you going to hell thing will pass over their heads. Surely they can't be puritans.
 

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I just show a lot of disinterest when the idea of going to a religious event comes up, but I'm not coming out: not while I still live with my parents. Maybe when I go to college I'll tell my mom.
But I doubt avoiding the issue is the best way to do it.
 

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It depends on the type of parents you have. Luckily, my parents didn't make a big deal out of my Atheism. But your parents might react differently. You should also provide some reasons as to why you're declaring yourself an agnostic when you tell them. Here's a web page I made with some decent arguments.
 

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I had the hardest time telling my family, and I wasn't even completely sure if they were atheist or not. I think it would be better to get it off your chest, and have an earnest discussion, though. If you can't talk to your family, maybe a church official or teacher or friend would be a better choice. I've always had an easier time discussing religion with friends instead of family.
 

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I've got to say it's sad to me that this kind of prejudice goes on. I never really thought much about how some people have to hide their atheism or agnosticism from their own family. It is just such an alien concept to me because my parents are so liberal and accepting.

Makes me understand a little better where a lot of people on this forum are coming from. That's got to suck.
 

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depends. Is your family truly loving, caring, and supporting of you? If they are, you can tell them that your faith has been waning just a tad bit. Dont go overboard. i have some family members wh are brn again nutsos and they think my parents ruined me by not making me read the bible and go to churche. they still love us and we et along great. it is all up to you base don how you believe ur fam will react to it.
 

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i would start out by telling your parents that you respect their beliefs and that you hope they can respect yours. tell them you're not quite sure that you follow christianity and say that you're on a spiritual journey to find out your own beliefs. they cannot force you to believe in something you don't. if it doesn't work out, then idk just leave it at that. i have some political beliefs that my parents very much disagree with but we just stay away from those topics.
 

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I was in/am still kinda in the same place as you. I just recently started doubting my faith.
I just told my Mom what I have been thinking, and luckily she is not one of the judgmental ones. In fact, after explaining to her what I think, she said that from the conclusion I came to that it looks like I should believe what I have been thinking.
Sorry if that doesn't make any sense =/
I would just try to be upfront, and very respectful. Don't try to degrade anyone or any belief, just state the conclusion you have come too.
 

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This really makes me wonder: is it such a shame in your country (I assume you're from the US) not to be Christian? Hell, it became the norm here in Europe. Most people stopped following Christianity ages ago.
And I became especially disgusted at the Catholic Church after all the pedopriest scandals here.

Anyways, being Agnostic is nothing to be ashamed about. To me it's the most logical belief: we say we simply don't know because we have no evidence God exists, but we're ready to believe it if one day we get to actually see Him.
I'll see when I die if He's real or not. In the meanwhile, I try to live as a good man.

I respect religion as long as they respect me.
 

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Maybe my experience can you help you -

I have two parents, one I don't see at all (my dad), and the other my mom who I live with -

I told my Dad I was atheist over webcam a year ago. He reacted lovingly. He didn't care and it didn't change his view on me. He could care less was his basic reaction. Are your parents this way? Do you believe they will still love you and not think less (or that much) less of you if told them? Will they react calmly at the least?

But then I have the mom, the bible-fearing, racist witch. I have not told her yet. I've actually deduced that if I want to still live in this house with her while I'm in college so I can save money, the best thing is not to tell her. I probably will never tell her actually. She would react the opposite of my father, and most likely disown me.

IMO if your are ready to be casterized by your parents and you can hold your whatever they say to you whatever they do to you, then tell them. If you fear them giving you a hard time AND YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT, then don't. It's a very difficult situation to be in, but I hope I helped somewhat.

If you have parents that will be accepting to you no matter what, like my father is, then tell them, if your parents are like my mother, you should probably only tell them if you can handle it. God knows I'm already a flaming liberal "christian" and she absolutely despises me because of it - and I haven't even told her I'm not religious yet.

Friends, specifically christian friends, are a little different ballpark.

You don't have to be obligated to love your friends as you do your parents, so friends can easily abandon you or think less of you if something as radical as not being a christian is revealed. And, tbqh I find a lot of christians to be very two-faced, especially in the friend-field, at least in my experience. They will say they're "OK" with being agnostic but they will try to change you, or talk behind your back, or completely ignore you (and some christians won't even KNOW what agnostic means lulz, I've had that experience) some christians won't take you seriously, because in their view being agnostic is a christian who is "lost" or "scared" not about being open-minded of the possibilities.. BUT if you know that your friends are open-minded and accepting then tell them, it would be good for you. There are a lot of other christians out there with the same doubts that you have believe it or not, but they're too afraid to open up.

Be aware of the consequences, and if your strong enough to handle it, then definitely open up and reveal your secret. If you feel that admitting your doubts will help you become a more self-assured confident person, then I would say go for it.

This really makes me wonder: is it such a shame in your country (I assume you're from the US) not to be Christian? Hell, it became the norm here in Europe. Most people stopped following Christianity ages ago.
And I became especially disgusted at the Catholic Church after all the pedopriest scandals here.

Anyways, being Agnostic is nothing to be ashamed about. To me it's the most logical belief: we say we simply don't know because we have no evidence God exists, but we're ready to believe it if one day we get to actually see Him.
I'll see when I die if He's real or not. In the meanwhile, I try to live as a good man.

I respect religion as long as they respect me.
The US is so large and vast, that it really depends on where you are. In my stereotypical view of America we've got the small towns in the south that basically casterize you if you aren't christian, and the lame-*** politicians with their mountains of mindless followers.

However I would say most of Americans are largely atheists, or closet atheists. For example I have yet to meet one person in my college classes that is Christian. Basically everyones atheist. Where I live I've met more athiests than christians. And even the christians are pretty cool people.
 

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I have a vary scientific view on the world, my parents never brought me to church or pushed a religion on me, however, I always thought there was a god until about 13. I never told my parents until recently that I was VARY atheist because I just figured they never asked. Turns out my dad is more or less atheist, but my mom acted sum what sad when I told her that I don't believe in anything.
as far as friends go I just started carrying around a lot of science type research books that I already found interesting and would discus with them the contents......however it helped that I had vary nerdy friends. But it still helped bring up the topic with then and it turned out the majority of my friends I surrounded myself with were also atheist.
Most people were I live are either Mormon or Christian. A few rare times I have discussed religion vs. science with my religious friends, however, there always been a sense of un-spoken respect for each other's beliefs before the conversation even begun. In the long run in my opinion as long as you're not hurting other people or things and can keep an open mind about others you can believe whatever the hell you want.
 

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OMG I would hate to live around so many people obsessed with religion. I dunno what you should do... Christians can be very annoying and tell you that you will go to hell if you don't believe LOL

Just do what you want. Don't care about what people say. If people try to preach then kindly tell them where to go.
 

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My mom's a jehovah's witness, and she forced me to be for years. Of course I am secretly agnostic, so that is one conversation that I will never partake in...
 

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I dont think people are that bothered about whether your a christian or not, although I wouldn't know if you go to a strict church or not. Some people I know go because they're friends go there even if they are athiest.

P.s. Is it their or they're? I checked and It said they're but im not convinced.
 

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So basically where I live, EVERYONE is a Christian or at least claims to be. I'm an 18 year old girl and still living with my parents while I go to a community college. I was raised in a Christian home and went to a Christian school from K4 to Senior year. So naturally, all my friends and family are Christians.

The past year or so, I've been seriously doubting my faith. I've never really felt a true relationship with God, but I've always wanted one. I just felt silly praying when I wasn't even sure if there was a God. I've tried going to different churches and Christian groups to see if something would "click," but nothing ever has. And yet I still enjoy going to some churches, and I really like being around Christians because they tend to be friendly and have clean humor.

Anyway I think I'm agnostic and I really want to talk to someone about it, but I'm afraid to because I know it will completely change the way people think about me. I don't really want to be preached to, but I want to get my thoughts out there and have a rational discussion about it. Also, I don't want to stress out my parents and friends because I know they'll be worried about my salvation. I mean, no one wants to see someone they love go to hell, right?

So should I "come out" and tell people I'm agnostic or not?
So should I "come out" and tell people I'm agnostic or not?

yeah if you want to feel the freezing pain of being socially shunned, ostracized,harshly looked down upon by friends and family. depends on how much of an identity your family has made out of religion. or an identity of anything for that matter dosent matter if its growing up in the hood or or some family customs you violate the social code you in trouble.

so what you really mean is your starting to think for yourself huh? good ! what you have to realise is when your dealing with people your dealing with animals that even though we have on a physical brain level we have the tools to see this and operate beyond this(what buddhism teaches), humans are pack animals with a strong pack herd mentality. when mammals appeared the main drive of mammals is that my survival is heavily dependent on being apart of a group. the group is how i survive.

want to see a simple version of what iam saying think of all the reptiles and amphibians that people keep as pets then think of all the mammals big and small. watch some documentaries on monkies or a few episodes of meerkat manor. food territory protection is all greatly enhanced when in a group. in primates animals last i read we shared 98% of our makeup with on a physical nuerological level the fear of social rejection has rides on the back of the fear of physical pain. my point being in all this humans are strongly wired to fit in and be apart of a "tribe" so to speak.

people come into this world as nothing more than blank sheets of paper.the last true connection we have with other people is screaming in the hospital nursey ...then we come home and thats were the trouble starts. nobody really knows whats going to happen to you when you die.all the different ways that people think they do is due to brainwashing. if people put more focus on what life is like while were still living we would not have half the problems we have or had. nobodys mediocre a%@ book is holy or sacred. in order to understand a page from any book you have to understand paragraphs,cant do that if you dont understand sentences.cant do that if you dont understand words. words are meaningless unless you understand an alphabet. thoses are made up of letters. whats a letter? a series of lines that they put on flashcards and hammer into your brain.

sorry about the rant but should you tell your parents? no! beliefs are just beliefs. things that our mind constantly conjures up but they wont see it as that. your still young and you may still need them so bringing up stuff that they hold to so dearly may strongly work against you. you may see this for yourself when your visiting this site from the shelter of a box in a damp alleyway.it will be alot easier to go to bed at night with worring about your family sacrificing you for being a non believer. dont be an atheist.be a buddhist. do meditation. learn to see the true nature of your mind. how it constantly worries imagines contructs fictionaly makes up beliefs.see how difficult it is to keep your mind chatter and images free for even 30 sec at best in the beginning. and how people unintentionaly take on these beliefs as there identity. learn to see a belief thought emotion as just what our mind generate like how our lungs do oxygen instead of attaching yourself and then defining yourself by them. religion.

check out a movie by comedian bill maher called religulous. freakin hilarious but very insightful. dude travels the globe going to different countries showing the silliness of when people have beliefs without being able to see them as such.
 

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To avoid fighting you should wait until you move out. If they are anything like my family they won't have an open minded discussion with you. They told me that I was under the possession of a demon and that if I don't repent my sins I am headed for hell. You can't have regular conversations with christians about this type of topic. They get heated and emotional.
 

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I dont think people are that bothered about whether your a christian or not, although I wouldn't know if you go to a strict church or not. Some people I know go because they're friends go there even if they are athiest.
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I imagine things are very different in European countries. There are areas in the U.S (usually small towns in the south and parts of the midwest) that are heavily religious where people can be ostracized by their family and community if they admit to not believing. I know a guy who was disowned and kicked out of his house for being an atheist and gay. Several years have passed and his parents still won't speak to him.

To the OP, I think you should consider how open minded they are and how extreme their beliefs are. There's a chance that they will try very hard to push their beliefs on you and be completely unwilling to get into a debate or listen to your reasons for being a nonbeliever. And if you think there's even a slight chance that they would kick you out of the house, wait until you're living on your own and are financially independent.
Perhaps, you could mention agnosticism/atheism or bring it up in some way without revealing that you are an agnostic just too see what their reaction to it is.
 

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This really makes me wonder: is it such a shame in your country (I assume you're from the US) not to be Christian? Hell, it became the norm here in Europe. Most people stopped following Christianity ages ago.
And I became especially disgusted at the Catholic Church after all the pedopriest scandals here.

Anyways, being Agnostic is nothing to be ashamed about. To me it's the most logical belief: we say we simply don't know because we have no evidence God exists, but we're ready to believe it if one day we get to actually see Him.
I'll see when I die if He's real or not. In the meanwhile, I try to live as a good man.

I respect religion as long as they respect me.
It can be something to hide in many areas of the US, especially the southern states. It depends on the area and your family. I wish I could be more open IRL about being an atheist. Only my husband and brother know at the moment.

The US is so large and vast, that it really depends on where you are. In my stereotypical view of America we've got the small towns in the south that basically casterize you if you aren't christian, and the lame-*** politicians with their mountains of mindless followers.

However I would say most of Americans are largely atheists, or closet atheists. For example I have yet to meet one person in my college classes that is Christian. Basically everyones atheist. Where I live I've met more athiests than christians. And even the christians are pretty cool people.
I think more younger Americans are atheist. I think the under 30 crowd will be mostly agnostic or atheist as they grow up. The 30-50 crowd might be more closet atheists. I don't know a single atheist in real life, only online. The older generations in America are still mostly Christian.

I came close to telling one of my friends because I think she will be understanding about it. But then the moment was gone, I missed it.
 
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