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i am 24. very recently laid off for no reason of my own. my parents are on the other side of the world. i just found out my car is having transmission problems.

but my main problem is that i have never been with a girl in my life. ever. i have never been in a relationship, never been close to one, never kissed a girl.

i met this girl online about 10 weeks ago and at first it was nice. then she turned really passionate. i mean, i have never had a girl so interested in me before so i somehow found myself falling for this girl. this lead to her somehow loosing those feelings for me.

i have begged, cried, been really depressed, and tried everything to get her to feel the way she did before. we have had some of the most amazing conversations (at least on chat). she says we are really close but i sometimes feel like maybe she is lying.

i don't have any friends anymore. i am really, really lonely sometimes. she seems to have at least a good circle of friends and close family nearby.
i feel like i am just a tool she uses at home during the nights or the boring work day to keep herself occupied so she wouldn't feel bored or lonely. it feels like i depend on this online thing we have 100 times more than she does

she said that she is insecure, shallow, selfish. she doesn't leave a message a ot of the time and from my own securities, i wonder whether if she might be playing with me. i feel like a tool sometimes when she does answer back to my messages.

at a certain point, she had some feelings for me and might have considered being with me as a couple but that went away SOOO FAST! she can only see me a friend, but as a really close friend. and i just, just can't stand it. it is soooo frustrating for me. i want more than that but i realize that if i push her too much, i might lose her as a friend as well.

she wrote back last time that she planned to take a trip for 2 days so she wouldn't be able to answer back to me. i have started to feel really anxious and insecure.

here is my question, do you think i should just move on from this? do you think that this girl is just using me like an emotional vampire?

when she feels down or depressed, i try and try and usually can get her back into a good mood, but it feels like she doesn't ever try to make the effort for me. i feel like i am always always trying to do more and more to hold this together.

i have asked her to call at least 50 times and she just refuses. the reasons she give doesn't make any sense or logic. i reason with her but she still keeps on refusing.

i feel like i am competely stuck right now. my own neediness and desperate ways prevents me from wanting to end whatever this relationship we have is between us. all the other paths, if feels like she has blocked.

what do i do? should i end this and try to forget her? i am pretty sure she is the first love of my life, the first girl to show me the affection which i have wanted for for so long.
 

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This is not an unusual thing to happen since it's your first semblance of a relationship. She has made it clear she does not want a relationship. As such, you have to swallow it and move on. Don't listen to that voice in your head that tells you that you will never find somebody else. It's bs. You have to take what you learned from this experience and value it and move on. It's going to be hard to just remain "friends" at this point, if not impossible.
 

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Its unclear to me, you know her offline as well as online right? If only online, then move on immediately. If not, still the answer is move on right away. Its clear from what you have said that she is not interested. Once you turn away, your feelings for her will slowly fade away, and you will meet someone else.
 

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i met this girl online about 10 weeks ago and at first it was nice. then she turned really passionate. i mean, i have never had a girl so interested in me before so i somehow found myself falling for this girl. this lead to her somehow loosing those feelings for me.
This is called the 'Passion Paradox'. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passion_Paradox]

The less certain you are about how someone feels for you the more out of control you feel, the loss of control increases the feelings of uncertainty which is what falling in love can feel like. The opposite is true, the more certain of your return of affections the more secure she felt, less out of control and hence she lost her interest. I've been on both sides of it and it sucks, love is pretty much a game.

She doesn't sound like a friend at all, someone who is probably an emotional vampire who takes and doesn't give anything back. I would let her go and move on. It might hurt but you'll be better off in the long run.
 

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Just cut ties with the girl and give yourself a break. You probably come from a really conservative background if you are from SE Asia or India. Its pretty common for a lot of guys your age from those cultures to not have been kissed or did not date during college--the come to the states to study a lucrative field like computers or engineering. I ran across quite a few of those in my chatting days in college and in my daily life.
Even though they're halfway around the world your family may know of some nice, available young women that they could put you in touch with, so at least you're know you're communication with a real person who you could feasibly meet someday.
 

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This is called the 'Passion Paradox'. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passion_Paradox]

The less certain you are about how someone feels for you the more out of control you feel, the loss of control increases the feelings of uncertainty which is what falling in love can feel like. The opposite is true, the more certain of your return of affections the more secure she felt, less out of control and hence she lost her interest. I've been on both sides of it and it sucks, love is pretty much a game.
That is interesting.
 

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Tell her you want a real relationship with her with no BS attached to it or youll move on to another girl who would have a real relationship with you because you can easily get that. dont try to convince her just leave if she doesnt demonstrate she wants the same thing..
from my experience when you show them enough love to keep them but not shower them with it they respect you sooo much more... since we are men we have to be stronger in their eyes in almost every way possible socially, emotionally, physically, to give them what they call the "protected feeling" or whatever but we also have to keep an "edge" going and thats where it can get tricky from chick to chick some chicks like the "mystery edge" others like the "rough guy edge" it differs so i follow the "be yourself rule but never reveal too much affection edge" etc list goes on and on.. make sure she does not think shes your world, if she has her lil world apart from you then you should have your own (or find a chick who sees you as her whole world).
i think most women dont find needy men very appealing, i think they prefer to be wanted not needed.
 
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