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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have asked this question before, but now I am back and asking it again! So, I've had depression and anxiety for about 9 years now.. Both seem to be getting worse recently. I feel more horrible than ever. Nothing feels the same anymore, I used to love video games because they are, well, awesome, but also they made me forget reality. Now, however, I can't really enjoy them. On Monday I go back to my crappy job after having a week off. A week off that I haven't enjoyed because I have been feeling guilty about lazing around playing Playstation and watching films.. All I can think about pretty much every second of every day is "I have anxiety. I have depression. I am worthless." I literally cannot stop thinking about anxiety. I have been this way for a while now, but I don't think I thought about anxiety and depression THIS much before. I don't know what, why or when, but something must have happened which literally means I can't stop thinking about these things, and Jesus, is it draining!

Anyway. Yesterday I was meant to go out with two friends for a meal but I just couldn't be bothered.. I kept bursting into tears throughout the day, so I told my friend I felt down in the dumps so I wouldn't be going, and he said "So, I feel crap but I'm still going." >.<

I just feel so weak and horrible. Is medication the answer? My sister has anxiety too, and she used to have depression. Her anxiety is much better than it used to be.. And she said she would never try medication, as she would not be able to judge whether any improvements she saw happening would be because of her own efforts, or because she was on medication. I wanted to be strong like that, but I don't know if I can anymore..

I have already tried several medications - Venlafaxine, Citalopram, and two others which I cannot remember the name of. I take propranolol several times a week, mainly when I'm at work cos I always around people in my job in a care home..

None of these medications helped. All they did was delay orgasm and make me really tired. They also took my emotions away. Before I took meds I would watch a film or play a game and love feeling alive, love feeling tears in my eyes when I got carried away with it all! But while on meds, I would just feel like a robot. I hate that.. I had to come off them. Also, it might sound shallow but I don't want to put on weight, being slim is all I have going for me! If I was in a relationship, I would say that the damage medication does to the sex drive and whatnot would be an issue, but I can't help but think I am not fit for a relationship!

So yeah, I won't waffle on anymore.. but please offer me what advice you can :)
 

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You can do this!
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You're already on a medication - propranolol. Does it help at all?

Do you live alone or with others? Do you sleep okay?

How long ago did you try the other meds?
 

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Yea you need medication or some hard core therapy. I am suffering like you at the moment. I can't get out of my head, my thoughts are very obsessive about my anxiety and depression. I know it's hard but you can't think about your anxiety and depression and how it bothers you. The more you think about it the worst it will get. I've had significant reduction in anxiety and depression by stopping the analyzing of my thoughts.

Besides the thoughts, I feel depressed and hopeless at times. Medicine will help you so much. It will give you the motivation to deal with things. I really suggest therapy, this will help filter your thoughts and will help you see situations differently. But ultimately if you feel depressed and have feelings about not wanting to live then you need to get on a med.

One last thing, don't blame depression on your changing of activities. I thought the same way, I was really into games and blamed my depression on it. It turns out I just matured and didn't find interest in games like i used to. I now like watching tv series and movies a lot. I think you just need to find alternative activities. If you are feeling a lack of motivation then force yourself to do something. You will be surprised how things are actually fun when you force yourself to do something. I would say force yourself to go do things even though you feel bad. It will make you feel better I promise. Also, while you are depressed I recommend drinking coffee when you have lows. Coffee is a temporary bandaid patch to depression. It will help you as you start meds and wait for them to kick in. Good luck and don't give up and message me if you have any questions!
 

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Sorry I missed that you were on meds before. IMO the meds are for anxiety and bad depression. I would recommend trying a lower dose of a med or trying others till you find the right one. I would compare your pros and cons with meds. If the med gets rid of your depression then I would take that over emotional numbing and other various negatives.
 

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Yeah, clearly Meds are in your best interest. Your condition won't go away and it's been a long time that you have been considering meds. So as anxious as you may be, get on the phone and find a good doctor. Best wishes, we're here to help guide you through this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the responses.

Yeah, propranolol helps. It stops me getting so shaky. But obviously it does nothing for my mental anxiety and depression. To be honest I've not really heard about anyone being helped greatly by medication. Anyone care to prove me wrong? The medication just stops me from feeling any emotion and makes me more tired than usual.. I hate it. I want to feel emotion. And I want to stay slim. I also don't want to have to rely on medication.. I wouldn't be able to tell my family that I'm taking antidepressants, I know it's nothing to be embarrassed about but I am uncomfortable discussing personal stuff with my family, yet I'd feel like I'm keeping a secret from them if I don't tell them I'm taking medication.
 

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Hi,

I had the same problem with anxiety. No matter what med I would take nothing would ease the anxiety. The meds (antipyschotics such as Zyprexa,Geodon, etc. and just made me feel less frustrated and emotional about my anxiety, but I always still had the increased sweating, rapid heartbeat, and even had some paranoid thinking when put in unfamiliar situations. Not to mention I put on about 50 lbs. of body fat after 10yrs on these medications.

One day I decided I had enough with being content with my miserable life and started making changes. Weaned myself off my meds. Started getting motivated to lose weight. I noticed that after being in zombie mode fore more than 10yrs, that I had a new passion for life. I had emotions again. I cried a lot which I rather enjoyed after feeling mostly nothing. My libido came back.

I had to endure A lot of pain, being off the meds. I had to relearn how to cope with out them. Was the pain worth it for me? Hell Yeah.
Do I still struggle? Of course. But I'm learning. And I see every day as a New Day to do better.

Anyways this is part of my story. My journey.
I believe that (someone who was diagnosed - major depressive , schizoaffective disorder, and social anxiety) I believe that if I can get better. Then maybe someone else out there can too!

PM if you like to know more.
 

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Veggie Shredder
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None of these medications helped. All they did was delay orgasm and make me really tired. They also took my emotions away. Before I took meds I would watch a film or play a game and love feeling alive, love feeling tears in my eyes when I got carried away with it all! But while on meds, I would just feel like a robot. I hate that.. I had to come off them.
I came off Quetiapine and Citalopram just a month ago after having taken them for 7-8 months and this is *exactly* how they made me feel.

They turn you into some sort of emotionless zombie and the worst part is it's really subtle so you don't notice it happening until you are really, really empty and that just makes it even worse. It's the worst when you used to be able to listen to some music and get shivers all over, or watch a movie and get emotional in seconds and then suddenly you can't do it, it's like your emotions have just been completely cut off.

The moment you realise you can feel again is amazing. It happened less than a week after I stopped taking my medication and it was incredible. Any drug that turns you into a robot isn't worth it in my opinion.

I won't be going back on meds that's for sure, but everyone is different I suppose, it could just be trial and error until you find one that suits you but that seems a bit crap really. Learning to understand your thoughts about depression and anxiety might help more, at least then you will be in control of your emotions and everything, even if it does suck being depressed and anxious all the time :afr

Good luck finding something that helps.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I came off Quetiapine and Citalopram just a month ago after having taken them for 7-8 months and this is *exactly* how they made me feel.

They turn you into some sort of emotionless zombie and the worst part is it's really subtle so you don't notice it happening until you are really, really empty and that just makes it even worse. It's the worst when you used to be able to listen to some music and get shivers all over, or watch a movie and get emotional in seconds and then suddenly you can't do it, it's like your emotions have just been completely cut off.

The moment you realise you can feel again is amazing. It happened less than a week after I stopped taking my medication and it was incredible. Any drug that turns you into a robot isn't worth it in my opinion.

I won't be going back on meds that's for sure, but everyone is different I suppose, it could just be trial and error until you find one that suits you but that seems a bit crap really. Learning to understand your thoughts about depression and anxiety might help more, at least then you will be in control of your emotions and everything, even if it does suck being depressed and anxious all the time :afr

Good luck finding something that helps.
Yeah.. it sucks man. It seems like you have to make a choice between having emotions and all that stuff and having anxiety and depression. But from my experience medication hasn't helped at all, so it's not even a fair trade. I still have depression and anxiety, and on top of that I become a bloody zombie! I go through phases where I think "***** medication! I'll get better without!" And then a few months later nothing has changed so I go crawling back to the doctor. I am at a loss what to do.
 

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I see you've tried both a SSRI and a SNRI, and neither helped? This could be simply because the dosage was not right, or maybe those 2 medications simply don't work for you. It is normally encouraged to try several different drugs of those classes, to find the one that works for you. There are a lot of them. It's going to be a long road for you, im afraid, as normally those types for drugs take 4-6 weeks to reach full potential. Its trial and error. Get started ASAP.

After that, the next step is usually benzo's which normally work great for anxiety for most people who take them. Probably 80%, but do your own research. That will be when you find out if you have a benzo phobic doctor. If you find that he/she is benzo phobic or only prescribes you tiny doses, switch doctors immediately. Don't be concerned about "doctor shopping", as that term only applies when you seek more than one doctor to be prescribed the same exact med from them both.

And if you are seeking to stay slim, a good SSRI for that is prozac. As for a SNRI, cymbalta. Both list common side effects of decreased appetite.
 
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