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I'm going to try to sum this up the best I can...but first thanks for any help and advice you offer, it is MUCH appreciated :)

Anyways, I started college at a bad time, I was depressed in high school, and socially awkward and scared basically. My first semester went ok, coming out with all C's, maybe a few B's, at about 15 credits. Here's my issue with the first semester. I had a job at a fast food place, it worked well. But my parents noticed me alone a lot and wanted me to join something at school, so I picked up worked study. I had to quit my job at the fast food place, because the work load was too much for me. At the time too I had to try many different meds to get my mental state in control.

Next semester was about the same, at the time I was going for an English major. Except I didn't know there was a set list of classes, or how stuff worked. It was never explained to me, and I had trouble making sense of it all. I got out with mediocre grades but passed all my courses again. However since I had to quit my fast food job, I had to work in a factory. it didn't go well, I wanted to kill myself, and let myself go. It was 72 hours a week near the end, at swing shifts. I would go to work, then go home and get right to bed, and still struggle to stay awake at work.

Next semester at school I took 17 credits, and ended up dropping two of the classes with "W" grades. And was down to 12 which I passed. But I got IBS and overactive bladder like symptoms, and panic attacks a lot. Had to miss some days at work, and skipped classes.

Next semester did 12 credits, passed them all. Working towards a general associates degree which covers a lot of general areas for bachelor's degrees, because I was unsure of what I was doing. And my multiple attempts at talking with advisors landed me with more confusion.

Now back to the factory for the summer, same issues.

Next semester, decide to pursue my dreams, of creating video games. I know, dumb. Everyone wants to do it, and with no art skills, or computer science knowledge, I change majors anyways, and my next transfer school. I took 12 credits passed, a CS course with a B, and an art class with a B. And my others.

Now I decide just to go for a computer science degree for the next semester. I still have these IBS symptoms, and overactive bladder symptoms. I am tired a lot. I know am a manager at the work study job, giving me a lot more work and responsibility, plus my parents wanted me to get a job for winter break, so now I have a custodial job, that I am still working too. I had to drop my Computer science class this semester because that second job made it feel like too much for me.

Now here I am, half way done with my second semester of my third year of college. I have an Associates of Arts and Science Degree (took 2.5 years to get). And I am transferring next semester. I will still have generals to complete and then my Computer science major classes on top of that, at the start of my fourth year.

I can't take the idea i'll be at college for more than 4 years. I feel like a failure. I havn't failed any courses yet, but I feel like I've accomplished nothing in college so far. The least amount of credits I've taken is 12.

My parents keep pressuring me to work, do hw, get these factory summer jobs. I can't take them, they are too much for me (the jobs, school w/ work). But I don't know how to get around it, I NEED the money for college, financial aid does nothing for me.

This summer I just want a normal job. Like working at my fast food place. I was comfortable I felt good. But I can't handle a factory job, or outside job with these stupid bathroom issues, and panic attacks, and anxiety that I am ALWAYS doing something wrong.

I want to do next semester at school MY WAY. Work a work study maybe 10 hours a week. THATS IT. It's all I can handle. And take maybe 15-17 credits.

I feel like I've learned nothing in school. All college readings seem hard, I am currently failing Trig this semester and I've redone hw multiple times to know the subject better, it doesn't help apparently. I have trouble doing hw for more than 30 min at a time. I can't listen in class and take notes at the same time. Or read and take notes at the same time.

There's too much pressure. I can't take the adult life, this way of college. Why can't I do it my way? Why is it so expensive? Why do I feel like an old person compared to everyone else at college (even though i'm 21). Why do days feel so quick, and all Hw seems to take FOREVER to complete, and I still walk out with C's or B's. I wanna quit but don't. I want away from all this, it scares me. I feel like I've failed myself, and others. I feel like a loser living at home, and can't handle 20 hrs of work with 11 credits of classes. But I JUST CAN'T handle it.

Sorry for the length...I needed to vent. Any advice on how to fix ANY of this would really help... thanks :)
 

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I really really wish I had something to say that would help, but I'm in the same boat. I too feel like an old person that just isn't fit for this world anymore and I'm only 19. I essentially bull**** all the work I do, and feel nothing whether I succeed or fail. It's unbearable.

I hope you come across some answers though. Sorry mine doesn't help.
 

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Don't Stop Believin'
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912 Posts
I think the best mentality is to realize that it's a struggle for everyone and if people before you could do it then you can do it.

I try to think positive but recently nothing has worked for me. I just do enough work to slide by and I have no motivation to get good grades or put effort into it. Maybe next year will be better...

But hope you can find success...
 
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