[HustleRose]

About six weeks ago I started going to a CBT group. I've noticed that some of the other members don't have as severe anxiety as I do. They socialize with other members of the group well, and their problems are usually female related (can't get a date) or they would like to do better at work (giving speeches, ect).

They expose us to the most comical things! For example, yesterday they took us to the train and told us we had to ask people certain questions "regarding a study on human behavior we were making." I noticed that while these things did provoke anxiety, afterwards it was manageable. Here is were I discovered that this group probably won't help me because my problem is deeper; I hate myself. I've been in denial for years, but I realize that's my main problem. I don't like talking to/feel to nervous talking to certain people because I feel stupid and immature. My thoughts are, "I'm such an idiot. I won't impress them." I know this is all-or-nothing thinking, but I have been called stupid before. It was behind my back, which made it even worst because they felt so bad for me that they couldn't even tell me...

I've tried CBT and pills, and neither can help me because I dislike who I am.

So... I was wondering who else feels the same way. I'd hate if anyone felt the same way for their own sake, but I can't be the only one...

 

[joggle]

You're certainly not the only one. I've been battling with self-hatred for a good portion of my life. I'm really good at discrediting myself in almost everything I do. As I result my motivation to do anything is virtually zapped because I doubt my ability to be successful. And the effects of this hatred doesn't stop there; it's definitely the root of most of my issues.

 

[justforester]

I have intense hatred for myself though I have begun to like myself more as I work out more and get looks from girls (but NEVER approach any of them) and I've started excelling at sports. Almost killed myself because I just couldn't stand myself and felt so lonely a couple months ago. I still feel horrible because of loneliness and SA and my self-hatred is still present, but I have become optimistic that I can improve myself. It seemed hopeless before.

Keep going to your CBT because as you make progress with your SA, you WILL feel better about yourself and your hatred will lessen over time with each triumph over the disorder. I think depression and your negative thinking is making you unmotivated to continue treatment, but persevere through it and continue working through your SA. A lot of SA sufferers loathe themselves, you're not alone.

Don't compare yourself to others either. There's always someone with more severe or less severe SA, there's no point feeling down because you're affected by it more than some others. Focus on improving YOURSELF and pay attention to all YOUR progress, not your failures.

 

[NicoShy]

I cant stand myself either. Just feel like I deserve it. What were the questions you had to ask?

 

[mrschips]

Don't worry you're not alone. I hate myself so much I can't even bring myself to seek proper help. My self-hatred is mostly based on my appearance, and I feel like no matter what I do, I'll always be too unattractive to properly socialize with people. I constantly think things like, "I'm too ugly to be here/have friends/be outgoing" etc. Ridiculous, but really that's what I think. I'm too ugly to attempt CBT haha. Anyway, sorry, I hope you can overcome your own self-hatred, you've already taken some good steps in that direction by seeking help, so you've obviously worth overcoming SA.

 

[anomalous]

Don't worry you're not alone. I hate myself so much I can't even bring myself to seek proper help. My self-hatred is mostly based on my appearance, and I feel like no matter what I do, I'll always be too unattractive to properly socialize with people. I constantly think things like, "I'm too ugly to be here/have friends/be outgoing" etc. Ridiculous, but really that's what I think. I'm too ugly to attempt CBT haha. Anyway, sorry, I hope you can overcome your own self-hatred, you've already taken some good steps in that direction by seeking help, so you've obviously worth overcoming SA.

That's me too.

 

[ShyViolet]

I've hated myself with a burning passion my whole life.

 

[Freiheit]

I hate myself too and that's why I don't put myself out there and socialize because I feel as though I'm not worthy of other people's attention.

 

[tigerlilly]

i hate to admit it (ha, ha) but i kind of hate myself too. like... i know i'm intelligent and i know there are things i'm good at, but it doesn't make any difference and i still don't measure up to the general population. i feel like i don't deserve to be loved, and i'm afraid to go to therapy because the therapist will think i'm pathetic.

 

[quietgal]

Yeah I've struggled with this for a long time. It's tough. It hits me hardest when I'm around happy, sociable people who seem like they "have it all." Self-hate, coupled with bitter jealousy, when triggered it can ruin my whole day in an instant and make it so that I can't bear being around people whom I otherwise like and admire.

 

[cerenurt]

I think self hatred is the reason why many, if not all, social phobic people suffer from social anxiety disorder. I've had this problem since childhood and, even though my social anxiety disorder slowly improved over the years, I had no self-confidence and low self-esteem up until my mid 30s! That is because I didn't start cognitive therapy until I was 33. (I'm 36 now.)

Any negative thoughts about yourself CAN be changed. From my experience, changing your beliefs about yourself is the key to overcoming SAD. Having positive thoughts about yourself will feel "fake" at first and things won't change overnight. Your brain is wired to think negatively and it takes practice for positive thoughts about yourself to come naturally because your brain literally has to create new pathways for this new way of thinking.

Whenever I catch myself thinking negative thoughts, I remind myself that my brain is going back to that negative pattern again. Believe me, I went through the hell of SAD and depression for most of my life and know what it's like. I still have my moments sometimes. But it IS possible to get over it. Loving yourself, including all your "flaws", needs to be first priority.

 

[HustleRose]

i hate to admit it (ha, ha) but i kind of hate myself too. like... i know i'm intelligent and i know there are things i'm good at, but it doesn't make any difference and i still don't measure up to the general population. i feel like i don't deserve to be loved, and i'm afraid to go to therapy because the therapist will think i'm pathetic.

Well, if you know then that's not hating yourself.

Good for you! :yes

(Seriously, I'm not being sarcastic. I'm not sure how my comment will come off written, so I just want to make sure.)

Yeah I've struggled with this for a long time. It's tough. It hits me hardest when I'm around happy, sociable people who seem like they "have it all." Self-hate, coupled with bitter jealousy, when triggered it can ruin my whole day in an instant and make it so that I can't bear being around people whom I otherwise like and admire.

I know! I hate it! And late I feel so bad about the jealousy and anger that the self-hatred pattern starts all over again...

I think self hatred is the reason why many, if not all, social phobic people suffer from social anxiety disorder. I've had this problem since childhood and, even though my social anxiety disorder slowly improved over the years, I had no self-confidence and low self-esteem up until my mid 30s! That is because I didn't start cognitive therapy until I was 33. (I'm 36 now.)

Any negative thoughts about yourself CAN be changed. From my experience, changing your beliefs about yourself is the key to overcoming SAD. Having positive thoughts about yourself will feel "fake" at first and things won't change overnight. Your brain is wired to think negatively and it takes practice for positive thoughts about yourself to come naturally because your brain literally has to create new pathways for this new way of thinking.

Whenever I catch myself thinking negative thoughts, I remind myself that my brain is going back to that negative pattern again. Believe me, I went through the hell of SAD and depression for most of my life and know what it's like. I still have my moments sometimes. But it IS possible to get over it. Loving yourself, including all your "flaws", needs to be first priority.

Exactly!!

This is part of a study though, so they won't go deeper than exposing us to social situations. I'm thinking about going to a therapists or telling the ones I'm working with my situation. Maybe if I do they'll have better luck with their future studies...?

How has your life changed in the past 3 years? (If you don't mind me asking.)

 

[dax]

I absolutely and unequivocally hate myself. I have no redeeming value as a person. There is just nothing about me to like. But I just try to make do the best I can because I have no other choice but to somehow get through this life. It sucks and I can't believe I'm in this miserable state but I didn't chose to make me the way I am, I was given this life.

In what other ways do you find that you hate yourself? What are you seeking out of life?

 

[shyvr6]

Have you talked about your true anxieties with the group or the person in charge? Maybe the head person might do things a little differently with you if he/she knows your main problems. I think you'll only be hurting yourself if you don't let them know.

 

[Some Russian Guy]

I don't hate myself, I hate others!

 

[Biscuit]

This is going to sound lame, but remember that hate is close to love. I've hated myself for years and am trying to control it. A couple times I've realized that I hate myself because I am disappointing myself. How many times have you truy hated your parents because you loved them and they let you down?

Hatred is anger softened by pain.

It's just so ****ing difficult to work out when you hate yourself because all at once, you're trying to figure out why you do, and you are blinded by hatred for someone, and at the same time you are felt worse by knowing someone hates you and feeling that loathing so intimately. It's like knowing your conjoined twin hates you.

 

[HustleRose]

I absolutely and unequivocally hate myself. I have no redeeming value as a person. There is just nothing about me to like. But I just try to make do the best I can because I have no other choice but to somehow get through this life. It sucks and I can't believe I'm in this miserable state but I didn't chose to make me the way I am, I was given this life.

In what other ways do you find that you hate yourself? What are you seeking out of life?

Those are some tough questions to answer...

For starters, the trait I most hate about myself is the fact that I'm not smart. I'm not stupid, but I'm not smart. I'm in the middle, which is the worst because it proves how worthless and pointless I am. Yes, we all have a meaning, but only if you have special traits... =\
I'm not pretty. I hate that I notice this because it also shows how superficial I am. Superficiality is something I HATE in other people, so the fact that I'm such a hypocrite about it makes me feel even worst about myself. I'll leave it at that because I've already written too much.... :roll

The only thing I want out of life is to be happy. But I cannot be happy when I detest myself, and there's no way around that except by loving my bad qualities, which I don't know how I can do when I even hate these characteristics in other people....

Have you talked about your true anxieties with the group or the person in charge? Maybe the head person might do things a little differently with you if he/she knows your main problems. I think you'll only be hurting yourself if you don't let them know.

I wouln't go that deep into my problem with this group because they're not on the same boat as I am. I cried once in front of them when I was put on the spot to talk about my SA. None of them understood. All they want is to date and be less nervous giving presentations... I'm not saying that maybe they don't suffer from anxiety, but it's not the same as me.
It's a free CBT program, and they're testing a pill, so I doubt they truly care to help any other way that takes away their time...
And I am hurting myself, but I won't tell them because they're probably not willing to help me in any other way outside of the program. What I need is some intense one-on-one therapy. :?

I don't hate myself, I hate others!

That sucks too because you can't change them... :blank

This is going to sound lame, but remember that hate is close to love. I've hated myself for years and am trying to control it. A couple times I've realized that I hate myself because I am disappointing myself. How many times have you truy hated your parents because you loved them and they let you down?

Hatred is anger softened by pain.

It's just so ****ing difficult to work out when you hate yourself because all at once, you're trying to figure out why you do, and you are blinded by hatred for someone, and at the same time you are felt worse by knowing someone hates you and feeling that loathing so intimately. It's like knowing your conjoined twin hates you.

I know...

 

[Some Russian Guy]

That sucks too because you can't change them... :blank

when my psychotic-hatefull episode passes away
i realize that society is not as insane as i perceive it to be
(the reason why I hate others)
it is i who view society through insane eyes
and then I hate myself for hating others

 

[dax]

Those are some tough questions to answer...

For starters, the trait I most hate about myself is the fact that I'm not smart. I'm not stupid, but I'm not smart. I'm in the middle, which is the worst because it proves how worthless and pointless I am. Yes, we all have a meaning, but only if you have special traits... =\

I really get you on all these. I feel like in order to have a meaningful or good life you have to have special traits- like be brilliant or dynamic or athletic or talented artistically or something...I think maybe because I am the total opposite of all that, I am so bland that I look up to people like that so much. I also feel really worthless and pointless. Just so mediocre.

I'm not pretty. I hate that I notice this because it also shows how superficial I am. Superficiality is something I HATE in other people, so the fact that I'm such a hypocrite about it makes me feel even worst about myself. I'll leave it at that because I've already written too much.... :roll

I also struggle with this- feeling unattractive and thinking about it all the time. It's really superficial, I know- and that's a trait I really dislike in others.

The only thing I want out of life is to be happy. But I cannot be happy when I detest myself, and there's no way around that except by loving my bad qualities, which I don't know how I can do when I even hate these characteristics in other people....

Same here- a lot of people want to be a success or want to achieve something or other. I just want happiness. And like you I can't be happy because I hate who I am.

 

[millenniumman75]

About six weeks ago I started going to a CBT group. I've noticed that some of the other members don't have as severe anxiety as I do. They socialize with other members of the group well, and their problems are usually female related (can't get a date) or they would like to do better at work (giving speeches, ect).

They expose us to the most comical things! For example, yesterday they took us to the train and told us we had to ask people certain questions "regarding a study on human behavior we were making." I noticed that while these things did provoke anxiety, afterwards it was manageable. Here is were I discovered that this group probably won't help me because my problem is deeper; I hate myself. I've been in denial for years, but I realize that's my main problem. I don't like talking to/feel to nervous talking to certain people because I feel stupid and immature. My thoughts are, "I'm such an idiot. I won't impress them." I know this is all-or-nothing thinking, but I have been called stupid before. It was behind my back, which made it even worst because they felt so bad for me that they couldn't even tell me...

I've tried CBT and pills, and neither can help me because I dislike who I am.

So... I was wondering who else feels the same way. I'd hate if anyone felt the same way for their own sake, but I can't be the only one...

I would say you should work through the self-hatred issues and tackle the SA stuff anyway.

For instance, I still feel inferior to some people, but, I put on Happy Birthday Sunglasses (only Elton John could pull it off) and walked into a restaurant. I kept them clipped onto my shirt the entire time I was there! I was afraid to leave them on, but I did better than I expected. :lol