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Does moving out to live on your own help in starting anew?

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When I was in high school, I was quite a shy kid and had less than 5 friends. My mom had also frequently compared me with other kids (who were more outgoing, confident, etc) and of course that didn't help (I don't blame her as I really think she was just trying to make me do better). I woke up everyday wishing the gound would open up and swallow me down (or some natural disaster would just happen to me). I did imagine once in a while what it would feel like falling off from high ground, but I was never actually suicidal, because I am hopeful that I will come out of it one day.

Now I'm in Uni and things hasn't really changed. I'm more thick-skinned and defensive. And I don't really get invited on outings with my uni mates. I am not an idiot, so I know that i'm a pretty normal Uni student. When I was in the 1st year, my coursemates had planned a BBQ night at one of their apartments (I don't live outside because it's very expensive) and they did not invite me. What was worse, they said to keep it a secret in front of me. As far as I'm concerned, I have not offended anyone.

Now I'm in my fourth year of Uni and I do go out with them once in a while, because since then I've constantly reminded myself not to take things personally and be a little more thick-skinned. So I'm writing this today because I just found out that they're all out on another outing and I did not get invited. Again. I may be a little shy and can be socially awkwards at times, but really, is this really nescessary?

Like I said earlier, I have grown pretty much thick-skinned, and I won't take things personally (at least less-easily now), but walking around with such thick skin the whole time takes up a lot of emotional energy. I'm getting used to not being asked out (or left out), but I don't want to get too used to this feeling forever, get what I mean? And I don't think that having such high walls of defense is going to help me in the long run.

I want out of this situation, but I have no idea where to begin. I've read a lot on self-help stuff, but really, it's all easier said than done. How do I find motivation? And how do I increase my self-confidence?
 

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That's pretty rough. Feeling alone and left out just eats away at your inner-being. You have to put yourself out there eventually if you want to stop feeling this way. I have no clue why your friends don't invite you over. Perhaps they only see you as an acquaintance or a class mate. My advice would be to try and open up more even if it's difficult. Or maybe try to make new friends with other people.
 

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I understand this a lot. I'm usually the one left out of a group and sitting at home wishing I could talk to someone but they're all out doing something.
 

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I know how you feel, Ivy.

I could be crazy, but I think other people can see that we are anxious or angry or whatever, and it makes them uncomfortable. Then they engage in behavior that makes us even more anxious, so it's kind of a vicious cycle.

When you do go out or hang out with friends, how do you feel? It might be more plain to see than you think.

Also, what kind of people are these friends? Are they the sort who have a lot of friends and might not want to put time into developing a new friendship?
 

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Yes, I can relate. I’m usually left out while people go having fun to several events. It makes me feel like utter crap because I’m actually making an effort now. It wasn’t always like this, but I’m trying really hard to cope with anxiety and stop avoiding situations, but if everyone keeps treating me like an alien it’s hard to harness the motivation to keep making an effort.
 

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When I left home, I was just too young. It didn't help the anxiety at all. If anything it got worse due to the new stresses added to my life. But with the right plan, it can help. Moving to a new area, visiting new hangouts, joining a group or a gym also helps.

When I was in college, I was the one who was never invited to ANYTHING. I was also the one who sat and said nothing to anyone. Not because I disliked them, but because I was afraid of saying something stupid and looking like an idiot. But they always thought I was being rude. Luckily for me I made a few friends who understood :) That was also the first year I was put on medications and by the end of the year, I was able to go to scho0ol without having a panic attack. Yay!

Today I challenge myself to meet new people. Soon I intend to start volunteering at the local Peer Support group. I do my best to keep my mind and eyes clear and open.
 
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