anyone else have this problem? Often I will say things that are awkward, inappropriate, or even humiliating, and I don't even realize it at the time I said it. Often I will look back on what I said and kick myself over it. Sometimes I wont realize how I came off to people until days, weeks, months, or even years later when I look back on the situation. The last couple years I have been obsessed with reliving these moments in my head, and I constantly beat myself up over it.
saying things you regret later
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I used to have this when I used to talk to people. lol Its actually not quite that bad but sometimes it feels like it is.
You just have to accept that every so often, you will do/say something that you regret later. I still get obsessed about some of the things I say but the following line of thinking helps me deal with the obsessed thoughts where I nitpick everything I said or "should have said".
One saying that I tell myself that helps me talk is "nothing in this world can hurt me more then MYSELF".
What this means is that over the years I have spent so much time and mental energy trying to say/do the right thing where I will not be judged by others. If you do this for long enough you will eventually end up suicidal and with no friends. This is what happened to me.
Basically I was so afraid of being embarrassed or judged by others that I isolated everyone from me because I couldn't deal with the anxiety of it all. When I say to myself "nothing in this world can hurt me more then MYSELF" that is true because of all the avoidance behaviors I have developed to cope with anxiety.
They have really done alot of damage to me over the years so the way I look at it is if I have to deal with the anxiety of being judged or embarrassed then its a small price in order to make friends.
You just have to remember that anxiety is meant to keep us safe so some amount is okay its just that when you start to hurt your own mental health by developing adaptive avoidance behaviors that YOU are hurting yourself more than anyone else in the world possible could.
You just have to accept that every so often, you will do/say something that you regret later. I still get obsessed about some of the things I say but the following line of thinking helps me deal with the obsessed thoughts where I nitpick everything I said or "should have said".
One saying that I tell myself that helps me talk is "nothing in this world can hurt me more then MYSELF".
What this means is that over the years I have spent so much time and mental energy trying to say/do the right thing where I will not be judged by others. If you do this for long enough you will eventually end up suicidal and with no friends. This is what happened to me.
Basically I was so afraid of being embarrassed or judged by others that I isolated everyone from me because I couldn't deal with the anxiety of it all. When I say to myself "nothing in this world can hurt me more then MYSELF" that is true because of all the avoidance behaviors I have developed to cope with anxiety.
They have really done alot of damage to me over the years so the way I look at it is if I have to deal with the anxiety of being judged or embarrassed then its a small price in order to make friends.
You just have to remember that anxiety is meant to keep us safe so some amount is okay its just that when you start to hurt your own mental health by developing adaptive avoidance behaviors that YOU are hurting yourself more than anyone else in the world possible could.
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I know. Often times I'll try to make a joke that makes sense in my head, but it's interpreted a completely different way. Drinking does not help. Not some of my brighter moments.
Blerg.
I've replayed situations in my head over and over. Each time imagining that a favourable outcome was achieved or something like that... even imagining a socially awkward situation just makes me cringe.. haha
Some of these things are from years ago ;\
I've replayed situations in my head over and over. Each time imagining that a favourable outcome was achieved or something like that... even imagining a socially awkward situation just makes me cringe.. haha
Some of these things are from years ago ;\
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This doesn't happen to me a lot, but when it does it really bothers me. I remember around 20 years ago I met a friend at the bar and we couldn't agree what drinks to order so I told the bartender to make the decision for us. I figured he would choose between martinis and G&Ts, but he chose fancy expensive drinks, I think it was some kind of margarita or some other kind of drink with a funny tropical thing in it like an umbrella. I got mad and yelled at the bartender and my friend was mystified and said "what did you think he was going to do?" I still feel bad about that.
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This is a common symptom of social phobia so it's not surprising.
Way to think about it is, the people around you at the time when you supposedly said something stupid, won't themselves be giving it much thought if anys o you shouldn't dwell on it.
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Yes. I used to do this a lot when I was younger (and still do, when I drink, which is rarely).
Even now, I can make myself cringe with shame and squirm with embarrassment, thinking about some of the stupid and embarrassing things that have popped out of my mouth. It's almost physically painful for me to think about.
I just try to remind myself that everyone who heard me make some random stupid comment four or five years ago has no doubt forgotten all about it by now. I'm the only person in the world who still remembers it, and so basically, if I can avoid thinking about it, it will be as if it never happened.
As long as I'm sober (which is most of the time) I am now able to speak slowly and carefully and guard against saying ridiculous things, which I wasn't always able to do when I was younger. These days, I say as little as possible, nothing to cause myself embarrassment. I stick to neutral subjects, or keep the focus of the conversation on the other person. I've had people tell me that I'm a good listener, always ready to listen to other people's problems and offer sympathy.
They don't know that this is a skill I've developed to avoid talking about myself, and saying embarrassing things.
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I have it, and I'm doing it right now... I can feel better for a while, only for the thoughts to get to me when I'm getting tired, or just waking up. It would be bad enough if it were over something trivial, but it when isn't, I end up feeling that I just don't deserve anything good, that I'm a bad person, over one type of mistake that I hardly ever make.
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I regret practically everything I say.
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I'll do things like that, think about them later, and then physically wince at my own stupidity.
ALL the time .____. I remember asking this guy if he had a crush on my friend and the situation was quite awkward afterwards. This was about 3 years ago and I've regretted it since /: he has probably forgotten about it /: I sometimes make jokes that nobody else finds funny (I have a dark sense of humour) and regret them too.
What I think is if a friend of mine said something silly/stupid I wouldn't dwell on it for years, so why should I? half of the people I've said stupid things to have probably forgotten all about it.
What I think is if a friend of mine said something silly/stupid I wouldn't dwell on it for years, so why should I? half of the people I've said stupid things to have probably forgotten all about it.
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1,475 Posts
I often say the wrong thing to people. I think its because I don't talk to people very often, so when I do I get nervous and my words come out wrong. Sometimes I don't say the words I mean to say and it sounds like i'm having a go at the person i'm talking to, when that isn't my intention at all. But sometimes its worse, and my words just come out as gibberish, or i'll say completely the wrong word and people won't know what i'm talking about.
It used to make me feel stupid and even more anxious when I said the wrong thing, but now when it happens I explain to person i'm talking to that sometimes I don't say the right words, and then tell them again what I meant to say. This seems to make it easier for both me and the other person as they then understand what i'm trying to say, and I don't have to worry about being misunderstood.
It used to make me feel stupid and even more anxious when I said the wrong thing, but now when it happens I explain to person i'm talking to that sometimes I don't say the right words, and then tell them again what I meant to say. This seems to make it easier for both me and the other person as they then understand what i'm trying to say, and I don't have to worry about being misunderstood.
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Yeah, that happens to me as well but usually I regret it right after I say it. Maybe my mind just processes slowly or my anxiety just gets the best of me with certain people or situations, but sometimes I end up blurting out something nonsensical to prevent an awkward silence. I try to rethink before I speak but sometimes I get anxious of the developing silence, so saying anything at that moment seemed better than not saying anything at all.
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