[justi]

Do you guys also have problems with saying “no”to someone invitation ?
Like someone ask you to go to a party with them ?, I have not really the guts to say NO to someone. I always have to make up some story to run out of the situation en hope they don't push me to go.

Also because of my SA I'm always nice to people if they are talking to me, so sometimes people are going to like me I think, and want to invite me for thinks after work time etc. , but I absolutely don't want!, sometimes I don't even like the person(most of all). Then I don't know how to handle and reject there invitation.
What I want to say is something like “NO, I don't want to(!). “
But I have not the guts , so I have to make a story that I cant go 're something like that.


How do you handle this situations?

 

[indigo]

Do you guys also have problems with saying "no"to someone invitation ?
Like someone ask you to go to a party with them ?, I have not really the guts to say NO to someone. I always have to make up some story to run out of the situation en hope they don't push me to go.

Also because of my SA I'm always nice to people if they are talking to me, so sometimes people are going to like me I think, and want to invite me for thinks after work time etc. , but I absolutely don't want!, sometimes I don't even like the person(most of all). Then I don't know how to handle and reject there invitation.
What I want to say is something like "NO, I don't want to(!). "
But I have not the guts , so I have to make a story that I cant go 're something like that.

How do you handle this situations?

You should be considerate, by saying "thanks for inviting me but I'm going to pass on this one, maybe next time" or "no, not this time, but thank you for asking" If they ask why, then just say that you're not up to it. If they don't like the answer that is there problem, because you're being truthful. Now if they try and make you feel bad about it or take it personally, that's not your fault.

I wish that my husband could do this with his boss and coworkers who like to invite us out, but no such luck

 

[layitontheline]

I have trouble saying no too. I try to get out of things by having stories, but I figure it's pretty obvious after a while when I have a reason not to go all the time. The worst is when they leave the time up to you and ask when you're available... then an excuse doesn't really work in this scenario.

 

[drealm]

Saying "no" is an important skill to have. I've gotten better at it but there's still occasions where I don't rise to the occasion. Later on I find myself beating myself up over these occasions. Because I have every right to say no, yet I cave in.

As far as making up excuses to situations, I think that's normal and fine. If your tired after work, just say you're tired; being tired is a legitimate excuse. The only time I tell a person "no", is when I know someone's gonna try finding loopholes in my excuse and then proceed to interrogate and bully me into doing something. For example, sometimes telemarketers call my house to sell something. These are trained sales people who literally have an encyclopedia of rebuttals memorized for any possible excuse. An excuse isn't good enough here, so I always say "no I don't want your product". And if they ask me why, I try sticking to just "no I don't want your product". Because any excuse when dealing with these kind of people will be rebutted.

 

[brokensaint]

Ugh, I just got invited to a post-Marylin Manson concert party with some old acquaintances and I'm really not up to going...

 

[Hippo]

I don't have a problem saying no, although I did when I was younger. Its kind of hard to go through life if you don't know how to say no.

 

[Banzai]

For people I am quite comfortable with, I tend to be quite blunt and just say the reason why I don't want to go like "I really cant be bothered" or "na it's ok" etc. (teen culture probably)
For people that I'm not comfortable with and it's a bit more awkward to refuse, I'll usually say something like "Maybe" or "I'll see" or "I'll ask my parents" and then if they ask me again, I'll say something like, "I'm busy" or some other excuse (I'm quite good with making up excuses).

 

[shyvr6]

Sometimes it depends on who it is that will determine whether I can say no to them.

 

[Peter Attis]

I'm the opposite of that. I ALWAYS say no to someone's offer. I only say yes if they insist. It's a good way to tell if they actually want you to go or not.

 

[xyzhousexyz]

I handle it the same way, I usually say I'm swamped with Hw, But latley I have been WANTING to do every and anything anywhere with who ever. Just any reason to push myself and try and get over being so anxious.

 

[Aurora]

I wont say no but Ill avoid them like the plague and not go. Lol. I know that I have a problem saying no. Its almost impulsive to say yes all the time. I hate when people ask 'whens a good time for you?' argh no way out!

 

[hyacinth_dragon]

If you really want the person to stop bothering you just say. "Let me think about it, and I'll get back to you. " Then don't get back to them. If they bug you as to why say "I just lost track of time and forgot." If they get mad say " Are you like this with everyone you know? No need to take things so personally" to place the blame on them. Do this several times and they will never issue you another invitation and probably won't go out of their way to talk to you either.

But really, the more polite thing is to tell them "No, but thanks for thinking of me."

 

[livinginfear]

I have trouble saying "no" to people in general. I always feel like I have to have an excuse other than that I just don't want to.

 

[dutchguy]

I have trouble saying "no" to people in general. I always feel like I have to have an excuse other than that I just don't want to.

Exactly ,
Mostly I just want to say,"no I don't want to". But people don't accept this, they want to here a reason.
If I say, because I just don't want to. They never accept is as a fact, they always make a judgement like"Wow, you're real boring", "What else you gonna do then?"

But I have to say, I can understand it a little bit, because they don't have SA or depression, so they really are confused end don't understand why you're behave like this.

 

[Emo kitty]

I have problems saying NO too

 

[Pam]

Yes for most of my life. But in recent history, I've tried to work on this because it's not fair to me or other people to go along, or cave in just to please them. It's actually dishonest in a way, and leads the other person on, and can cause major discomfort for those of us with SA!

Also, some (a lot) of people with SA have a problem with being assertive. I think it's because they are afraid of getting rejected. :blank