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Discussion Starter #1
Hey guys & gals.

The "virginity" thread got me thinking about a certain problem I have that can be blamed on my SA.


I've personally had intercourse with 6 women in my life but have never been able to reach climax.


It seems impossible for me to do. At first I thought it was a good thing because you always hear the negative talk about pre-mature ejaculation. So i figured that being able to last forever was a good thing. Soon enough though I had realized that it was literally forever.. Like an energizer bunny.

I have never "climaxed" in the presents of another person and it realy bothers me... I've just began to date a girl and am super nervous about our first time because I know it won't happen for me and it terrifies me that eventually she will just think there is something seriously wrong with me...

Bah...

It just seems like I put way to much pressure on myself when having sex and focus to much on performing and satisfying that I forget to enjoy the experience for what it is.

Have any of you experienced this?
 

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Are you taking medication for SA?
I'm diagnosed and taking Paxil, one of the side effects (positive) is reducing chance of pre-mature ejaculation. I read somewhere 13fold slower. I'm 17, and havent had sex yet, but masturbation wears me out now because of my meds. It takes me 20 minutes to reach climax when it used to take 2-5 mins.

If you arent taking medication, i don't really know what to do. Maybe try to think really sexually and don't be anxious during the act. I do know this is almost impossible for SA sufferers.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Are you taking medication for SA?
I'm diagnosed and taking Paxil, one of the side effects (positive) is reducing chance of pre-mature ejaculation. I read somewhere 13fold slower. I'm 17, and havent had sex yet, but masturbation wears me out now because of my meds. It takes me 20 minutes to reach climax when it used to take 2-5 mins.

If you arent taking medication, i don't really know what to do. Maybe try to think really sexually and don't be anxious during the act. I do know this is almost impossible for SA sufferers.
Nope no medication.

During self-stimulation I'm a-ok. My junk works but not in the presence of a partner which is really frusstrating. It got to the point with previous partners that i would be affraid to have sex because I knew it wouldn't happen.

You can only use the same excuses a couple times. I would pass it off as initial shyness but after the first couple times you can't keep saying you're shy.....
 

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Sticky situation. I'm not exactly sure what you can do about it.

Perhaps just try a few more times until it happens? Or maybe speak to a doctor to see what options you have. You could always get a medication for SA that may help with shyness.

I see what you mean about being afraid that it won't happen even before you get there, I believe this will occur for me.

I reckon go for the doctor. Maybe get some medication, or see what other options you have.
 

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You don't say if you have been in committed long-term relationships with your previous sexual partners. If not, I would say you are just not completely comfortable around them to the point where you can just relax and let go. I would say if you are comfortable enough around them to "pass gas" or have snot come flying out of your nose when you sneeze AND not become completly mortified...then you should be able to climax during intercourse with them :D. Having SA just makes it more difficult for you to focus and enjoy yourself...rather than thinking about how it is for her or if you are doing a good job or whatever.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
You don't say if you have been in committed long-term relationships with your previous sexual partners. If not, I would say you are just not completely comfortable around them to the point where you can just relax and let go. I would say if you are comfortable enough around them to "pass gas" or have snot come flying out of your nose when you sneeze AND not become completly mortified...then you should be able to climax during intercourse with them :D. Having SA just makes it more difficult for you to focus and enjoy yourself...rather than thinking about how it is for her or if you are doing a good job or whatever.
That's a good point. I really never got to that farting/snotting lol comfort zone with previous partners. 4 of the 6 where just one night stands so I was DEFINITELY uncomfortable.....

And to Joshy123... I've never brought it up with a Doctor but that may be an option to explore in the future.

Like I said... My member works.. It's all psychological and I am personally not interested in any drug help with my battle against SA. For now at least.

Thanks for the replys...
 

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Definitely agree with previous post. I don't personally suffer from that problem but I have a tendency to sleep with girls below what I am capable of going for (sorry girls I know that sounds really sexist) but basically I only do it when I'm feeling down to make myself feel better, I'm using them and it's something to be ashamed of :| - is this possibly a reason for your problem? That you don't truly like or even love the partner?
 

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Definitely agree with previous post. I don't personally suffer from that problem but I have a tendency to sleep with girls below what I am capable of going for (sorry girls I know that sounds really sexist) but basically I only do it when I'm feeling down to make myself feel better, I'm using them and it's something to be ashamed of :| - is this possibly a reason for your problem? That you don't truly like or even love the partner?
This thread is making em realize I've never had sex with somebody I truly love. It always happened just because.. It was all physical for me and a "challenege" to be a "man" and you know.. DO IT!!! and make them happy.

I've never truly had sex for me... But I'm affraid that when it is with somebody i love all this years of "failure" in bed have really psyched me out

we shall see.
 

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Next time you have sex you have to just be in the moment who cares about all those times that you failed to do so. Are you attracted to the women that you are with or have you just done it just to engage in sex?

One thing that you should know is that not all women can climax either during just intercourse, some can and some can multiple times.

Even if you can't climax, focus on enjoying the moment. You will have to be honest with her. Maybe she can help you out. ;) It could also be that you are just used to that certain technique.

If issues still persist in this. Maybe your doctor can help.
 

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I used to have a performance problem ,myself. The first girl I got intimate with I had just told her up front that it was a problem of mine once we got to being physical. She didn't care. She worked through it with me and I got comfortable to where it didn't happen much.

With one night stands I guess you could just fake it? If you are in a relationship with someone try communicating it with them in detail and I am sure they wont mind. It will probably bring you comfort to where you can perform.
 

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You must all stop talking about SEX. It is evil and disgusting and should never be a part of any human's existence. Off to the nunnery with you all!

Seriously though, seeing a doc might help. It may not be completely anxiety/medication related.
 

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It just seems like I put way to much pressure on myself when having sex and focus to much on performing and satisfying that I forget to enjoy the experience for what it is.
Its nice you are concerned about how the other one is feeling, and not a selfish lover. However, can you try to just focus on you and how you're feeling at the time? Maybe you shouldn't be the one doing all the work. I'm a woman but have experienced this, I couldn't stop overthinking how I was performing. I couldn't relax. I've also bursted out laughing during sex, which was really embarrasing:lol You should be caring about how your feeling as well. I have had a partner in the past like you, and I thought something was wrong with ME. He finally opened up, and I told him to relax and be a little more selfish to how he was feeling. Things were a bit better after that. Try to not put so much stress on yourself, cause woman also can feel sexually inadequate as well. It's Ok to be a little selfish once in a while. If she knows you're feelin good, then that will turn her on as well.:D
 

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Have you always used condoms? They make it harder to orgasm.
 

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Try masturbating by yourself in places you wouldnt usually. wait until your family leaves and do it in the kitchen or something (just make sure you clean up haha). however disgusting this sounds, it may help you become more comfortable in different environments. I always found that when things got sexual between me and a girl, I would get more comfortable. I guess i just get too horny to care about anxiety :p
 

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Maybe you're gay? :p I would have just gone with any of the girls who've liked me and made moves in my life, but I just don't think I could pull it off.. I'm just not attracted to them.. Around the people I am attracted to? And if they're physically touching me? I practically splooge in my pants :) (exaggeration, but you get the point).
 

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I would say to stop focusing on performing and just be in the moment. Sadly, I'll most likely have the opposite problem when I'm with a girl.
 

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You don't say if you have been in committed long-term relationships with your previous sexual partners. If not, I would say you are just not completely comfortable around them to the point where you can just relax and let go. I would say if you are comfortable enough around them to "pass gas" or have snot come flying out of your nose when you sneeze AND not become completly mortified...then you should be able to climax during intercourse with them :D. Having SA just makes it more difficult for you to focus and enjoy yourself...rather than thinking about how it is for her or if you are doing a good job or whatever.
right, what girl doesnt like a face full of snot? :D
 

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