[The Professor]

I have so many opportunities to talk to girls and try to find a gilfriend. I'm not sure if this is an aspect of SA, but when I am taking to them it doesn't even feel like I am that anxious anymore (at least in some situations). It is nothing compared to giving an oral presentation in front of a whole class... it used to be the exact opposite: I was fine with presentations but 1 on 1 with girls was absolutely terrifying. However, there is something that clearly prevents me from flirting and indicating my interest to a girl. I feel it every time. I think it might be guilt. If I was in a situation to have sex with a girl I know that I would get a really bad feeling, almost like a depression and it would be driven by guilt. Even though it's not normal I guess I'm okay with this particular problem (having sex with a girl who is not my girlfriend) despite the fact that this is how many relationships begin. But what does need to be addressed is the disability to flirt with girls, so I can get a girlfriend.

Now this is kind of f*cked up, but I think the guilt has to do with me always having had a close relationship with my mom. She has always talked about how wrong it is to have sex unless you are in love ever since I was a little kid.

This probably isn't the whole problem, but it could be a big part or even the underlying cause. How can I address this and get over it?

 

[olschool]

If a woman is to be so kind as to offer us males sex , then depression should be the furthest from our minds .Its usually the other way around, not getting sex is depressing in which case i can understand. Maybe you should distance yourself from your mother and maybe that will help with the guilt about having sex and ,in turn, this will get rid of your flirting problems

 

[bsd3355]

SA is a combination of things, but a "normal" person also can devlop the same triats with a more negative mindset. I understand the difficulty of changing, but change the way you perceive things and you will not have SA. Easier said than done. It takes time and experiences and an open mind. SA, in my opinion, is an extreme lack of healthy coping skills related to mental-being - nothing a "normal" person also can't develop; rather, their mindset is different.

 

[The Professor]

If a woman is to be so kind as to offer us males sex , then depression should be the furthest from our minds .Its usually the other way around, not getting sex is depressing in which case i can understand. Maybe you should distance yourself from your mother and maybe that will help with the guilt about having sex and ,in turn, this will get rid of your flirting problems

I mean, I'm a very very habitual person and maybe it would just be too overwhelming to actually finally do it? Especially if alcohol was involved I would feel guilty and dirty because guilt is a common effect of alcohol to begin with. Also, if the girl was not good looking I would (imagine) I would feel very angry and guilty for myself (thinking I should have done better) and I would just want the girl to get out of my sight. I know this is absoultely terrible and maybe offensive but I'm the one with the problem and I'm the one who suffers from it... in other words, I wish I wasn't this way but I can't help it!