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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've never told this to anyone - not even my parents or my best friend (she's the only thing that makes this life bearable but she lives far away..) ... i was abused as a kid by an acquaintance..am 30 now but that memory still haunts me... Looking back over the years - I realize i've always been different growing up as a kid..then onto my teen years and finally work!!! I have trouble making new friends...i shy away from girls...get SA attacks if i have to approach...

not that I'm ugly or anything like that....i have a good job.moved to New York to work with a successful financial firm...i do like to enjoy life..be bold (work out atgym...do adventure sports...travel et al!!)
but i've always felt left out throughout my life..ive only had one girlfriend and that too 7 years ago... i come home to an empty apartment . spendmost weekends alone....I havent seen a therapist..but i feel im a text book child abused SA champion!!!! im not suicidal but i feel im just Surivining Life..and not Living it!!!!

im not a creep and i respect people and their zest for life..its just...i'm always saddened that I'm missing out on life for no fault of mine.... people rarely invite me for parties....and if they do..im usually on the sidelines..even amongst a few friends ive got..i feel i have to be the one to call them or ask them for outing ..else i know i wont ever be part of that circle..

sorry for the long post..but i stumbled onto this forum by chance and would love to get the op of some of u guys/gals out there who are maybe in the same rut that i'm in!!!!
 

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Welcome to the site, man. Stick around, read some other peoples posts and you might feel better. It can also be encouraging being on here if you're thinking about treatment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Welcome to the site, man. Stick around, read some other peoples posts and you might feel better. It can also be encouraging being on here if you're thinking about treatment.
..its almost 4 in the morning and couldnt sleep - been trawling for the past hour...its great to know (in a good way) that I'm not alone in this and that there are so many others who are also trying to work their way out ....:)
 

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Hey! I know how you feel. My childhood has been a very bumpy ride. I always had to pick up the pieces. I have mostly endured mental abuse. I try to leave it in the past, but it sometimes creeps up and I get into slumps. It's really strong of you to face it and not let it affect you that much. And it's brave of you to let your feelings out. Also, I go through the same things as well with my friends. I have to pick up their pieces as well and am labeled as the "nice sweet one". I don't mind being the nice one, but it would be great if they too returned the favors sometimes. I hope you find this site helpful. Welcome!!!!
 

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welcome to the group titan.

As an SA sufferer all my life, I am familiar with your issues.
Therapy helps a lot for treating trauma from childhood abuse. You could also try medication.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Hey! I know how you feel. My childhood has been a very bumpy ride. I always had to pick up the pieces. I have mostly endured mental abuse. I try to leave it in the past, but it sometimes creeps up and I get into slumps. It's really strong of you to face it and not let it affect you that much. And it's brave of you to let your feelings out. Also, I go through the same things as well with my friends. I have to pick up their pieces as well and am labeled as the "nice sweet one". I don't mind being the nice one, but it would be great if they too returned the favors sometimes. I hope you find this site helpful. Welcome!!!!
So how do you deal with the situtation? It seems whenever I try to pick up the pieces, it just makes them take me for granted..every little more every time I try this...
 

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Hey, Titan, I was abused as a child too. Perhaps not in the same manner as you were, but it was still very painful and has affected me to this day. I also have felt "different" all my life, and it's always been very hard for me to make friends with people, or hell, even to relate to them at all. Life can be unbearable sometimes when you see all the happy people around you living out their goals and aspirations and you're left standing by yourself wondering how they all manage to do it. You may feel all alone, but there are many similar people who have been left on the sidelines of life, and know exactly how you feel. You said you don't see a therapist; why not? I think it would the best thing you could do at this point. With good therapy, it's entirely possible to overcome the burden of the abuse you experienced in the past and put it behind you. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck and hope you're able to find happiness.
 

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Hey! This is what I have learned from my experience. It’s not about how I deal with the situation; rather it’s about how I look at it. For me, I am too shy to ask for help as I think I am not that important in their lives. But when I do talk to them about it, they tell me they assumed I thought that I was too good for them and that I didn’t think they were capable of helping me, which is completely wrong. My shyness and social anxiety comes off as me being cold. I am sure if you voice out your problems, they will help pick up your pieces as well. It gets frustrating that I am always doing it, but then I realize that I choose to help and listen and give rather than ask and take. To have any type of relationship, there needs to be a healthy balance of giving and taking. I always say this to myself, but sometimes I fall back and negative thoughts come to my mind. But then I learn that those thoughts are not mine, but my social anxiety trying to overcome me. Try talking to those you are always helping. Try asking for help from them. Don’t give up on being helpful, trust me there are very few people who would do as much as you do and it will pay off.
I hope this helps. Keep me updated :)
 

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I guess the first thing I would say is are you sure that's what caused it? I wasn't abused in any way and I have about the worst case of SA you can imagine.

Anyway, there's no shame in seeking a therapist to talk about it if it's really troubling you. There may have been a time when it would have been something you couldn't talk about but these days, it seems every other person has a child abuse story so it's not like you'd be telling a therapist anything they haven't heard before.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
@shadow: I was sexually abused.
I've always toyed with the idea of seeing a therapist to exorcise that ghost..but I felt that therapist becomes a necessity rather than a permament solution. I just sit back and think that after a few sessions with the therapist will "fix" me up .. however, I cannot esacape the reality to which I'm bound - that I was abused and that thought will slowly creep back - inescapable unless the therapist can conjure up an amnesiac formula!!!!

However, I do like the suggestion of giving it a try instead of dismissing it because of my negativity. Seeing it help so many people - I'm definitely going to give it a shot!!!

am curious - and this might have a simply yes or no answer - how much better did u guys feel after going through the therapy session? are you more confident of yourself and exactly how did it help to lessen the SA syndrome?
 

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Titan1978, I'm sorry about your abusive childhood. My childhood wasn't great either and looking back, it really did have an impact on the development of my SA. So I'm thinking it impacted your SA too. There was a lot of things that happened in my childhood that directly and indirectly influences my behavior today.

I feel just like you do, surviving life but not really living it. About 2 years ago, I just realized what SA was and that I have it. And since then I've been reading books on it and trying to understand it better.

I've only seen a therapist a few times when I had health insurance but it was very good. She pointed out a lot of things that I didn't realize about my situation and gave me some tips on how to handle myself when the SA creeps in. It's certainly not a cure-all but it's a step in the right direction. Resolving childhood issues as well as SA issues will take years to accomplish. On the bright side at least we're tackling it now at 30 rather than much later on in life.

Also, be cautious of your therapist. I've had a good therapist and a bad therapist. The bad therapist all she did was talk about her own life during the session and made me feel very uncomfortable by not believing that I have SA. Needless to say I don't think she had enough experience with SA. She thought that all SA people never left their house period. And because I showed up in her office, then that meant I didn't have it. That was a big red flag and I think I saw her twice before realizing I'd had enough of her comments.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Titan1978, I'm sorry about your abusive childhood. My childhood wasn't great either and looking back, it really did have an impact on the development of my SA. So I'm thinking it impacted your SA too. There was a lot of things that happened in my childhood that directly and indirectly influences my behavior today.

I feel just like you do, surviving life but not really living it. About 2 years ago, I just realized what SA was and that I have it. And since then I've been reading books on it and trying to understand it better.

I've only seen a therapist a few times when I had health insurance but it was very good. She pointed out a lot of things that I didn't realize about my situation and gave me some tips on how to handle myself when the SA creeps in. It's certainly not a cure-all but it's a step in the right direction. Resolving childhood issues as well as SA issues will take years to accomplish. On the bright side at least we're tackling it now at 30 rather than much later on in life.

Also, be cautious of your therapist. I've had a good therapist and a bad therapist. The bad therapist all she did was talk about her own life during the session and made me feel very uncomfortable by not believing that I have SA. Needless to say I don't think she had enough experience with SA. She thought that all SA people never left their house period. And because I showed up in her office, then that meant I didn't have it. That was a big red flag and I think I saw her twice before realizing I'd had enough of her comments.
Thats a valid point - I will do my homework before I finalize me shrink!!! I did see you're post in another thread

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...ave-an-oppurtunity-to-make-new-friends-69636/

.. did seeing the (good) therapist make things better? even slightely?
 

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Hi titan1978
We're in the same boat; a leaky boat with no motor, envying the party yachts passing us by.
What can help?
1. Meditation. Binaural beat music.
2. Thinking of myself in 3rd person. "If I loved this guy, me, what would I want him to do?"
3. Accept life's tragedy.
Not helpful? I'm sorry for all of us.

The real solution: we need to travel to a retreat together so we can learn how people like us can live better.
We don't "speak the language" of normal society.
Feral children raised by wolves need remedial education to catch up.
Learning social behavior requires social interactions. Therapists offer limited help.

We should all move to a social phobia village or neighborhood.
* We're foreigners without a society.
* We need different language, social skills, and emotional composition.
* An analogy is with homosexuals who were miserable prior to creating a life-affirming gay culture.
* The wrong question is "how can we become normal?" (We basically can't) The better question is "how can we live better with the lives we have?"
* This board isn't the solution.
* Therapy is only partially useful.
* Drugs do as much harm as good.
We need a radical new solution. And we should design it; no one else will.

You know I'm right, why else would we be drawn to this board?
 

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Titan,

Yes, the good therapist helped me a lot. I was only able to see her a handful of times and that's when she connected my family past to my SA now. Before her I didn't really understand it. And it was good to talk to someone that believed what I was going through and just let me vent sometimes. So it's definitely worth it but make sure you do your homework.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
@anomal : While I agree with many of your points - and RELATE to them - I feel that the REASON people are drawn to this board is to hear others and feel they're not alone on this planet.. perhaps drawn inspiration from them- and try to resurface!!! Truthfully - I might sound like a hippocrate when I say this - but wouldnt u wish that you were as open and natural as the other guy/girl? subconciously thats what each of us wants.... whether we can get it is a different question...but i would like to see the glass of water half full and at least give it a meaningful shot!!!
 
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