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SA's Slave
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Just wanted to know if there are any girls here who have social anxiety with their father? Whats a normal relationship like?
I love my father. I want to be close to him, but I can't. I don't know him. My parents split up when I was a little girl, my mom took me really far away and I didn't see him for almost a year. When I finally came back it just wasn't the same. I felt weird and unable to talk to him. So I kept my distance and I guess so did he. I have missed him terribly. Not having him around in my life has hurt me so much. I thought I no longer cared and had moved on and had accepted it. But now I realized that I haven't. I don't want something to happen to him or me and then end up regretting what I couldn't do. But my SA is stronger then me.
Can anyone else relate?
 

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:No Worries:
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I'm not a girl but I have SA around both my parents. In fact I have it around everyone in my family. I avoid calling them and going to functions they invite me to because of it. Which has caused them both to become rather upset with me. I could imagine what it would be like to have it around one of them I have not seen very much, that would be impossible for me to over come at the moment.

Have you ever though about writing him? Telling him how you really feel and how you long for his interaction? You can even explain why you have been so standoffish. I would think as a father if I got a letter like that it would melt my heart and put a smile on my face knowing my daughter / son really did want me in their lives.
 

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I have SA around my family, but I don't really want to be closer to them. They're the ones that screwed me up.
Maybe you could ease into it by writing him e-mails saying hi?
 

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My parents also split up when I was really young, I was 5 actually. And like you my mom moved me far away, so I didn't see my dad for 2 years. When we returned to NYC I was really shy and quiet around him but as I've gotten older I have opened up. This has not been easy as my father is openly judgmental and critical of me. If I gain so much as a pound my father will be sure to point it out. I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't realize how hurtful his comments are and so I have gotten very good at sticking up for myself. The last time I did I could tell that he felt bad. :yes
 

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I have a bit of SA around my dad- i don't know why around him more than my mom. maybe because he is very critical of me and always feels the need to bud into my personal life and lets me know what he thinks i should be doing with my life. I've found that when i tell him "you don't need to worry about me, worry about yourself" that actually gets him off my case, and we can talk about things outside of just ME.

But I've also made it a bit more of a goal to be more open with my parents about mySA. I don't talk to them all the time constantly about it or anything - but they know i have it and know i'm working on it. They don't fully understand it - i can tell my dad just thinks its a little thing that i need to 'get over' - But knowing that they know abotu it lifted a weight from me.

Desi - i feel for you but i know it can get better too! First, i would try not to ask yourself "what is a normal relationship with a father like?" - your relationship is what it is right now, and can change in any way to choose it to. maybe you can make it a priority in your life and try to work on it. i like the suggestion by someone earlier about writing a note - that might be a good start. i would assume that if yooure already working on your SA, all your relationships will get better, including the one with your dad
good luck
:)
 

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I have SA around my family, but I don't really want to be closer to them. They're the ones that screwed me up.
I couldn't have said it better myself! Came from a very strict, judgmental family and I've always been "different" and misunderstood. As I've grown into adulthood, I feel like perhaps I should just keep my distance and find myself.

Desi, I have issues with my father too. I recently found out that he had been cheating on my mother for many years while they were together. I'm even named after one of his ex-girlfriends. He did many other bad things, and these secrets were kept from me during my childhood and young adulthood. I grew bitter when my parents divorced because I didn't know all the details at that time. I missed him a lot and I ended up acting out. My mother and I became true enemies.

All of this plus my SA has made me very dysfunctional and these days, I don't communicate much with either of them. I'm actually bitter with both of them now. Mad at my father for his behavior, and my mother for continuing to stay with him so long after she knew all this! She took out all her rage on me and it has made me very distant.

I still have love for my dad, but I don't even know what to say to him since he has been away for so long.
 
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