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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What is "self-help"? It's making yourself feel happier, right?

Sometimes we feel that our goal is not happiness, and we think our goal is something else, but the reason we have that other goal is to be happy.

How do you achieve happiness by yourself? Well, true happiness is always inside yourself, and cannot be given to you in any form. True happiness is a result of living in the moment, as they say. It comes directly from not wanting. But you can't get rid of your wants just like that.

Picture a stack of building blocks, one on top of the other. Each of these points represents a block, and this is also the order the blocks are in.

- Beliefs

- What You Care About

- Judgments

- Wants

- Emotions

The "emotions" block is where your unhappiness comes from. But you can't remove that block because of all the ones on top of it.

I'll work backwards to make this easy to understand:

Our emotions rely on our wants. If we want a cookie, and we get a cookie, we are happy. If we want a cookie and we get something else, we may be angry. If we want to be important, but we don't think we are, we feel depressed. If we want to be safe, and we think we might not be safe, we feel afraid. If we want respect, and people laugh at us, we feel embarrassed... etc. etc.

Now... Our wants rely on something as well. Our wants rely on our judgments. If we judge something as good, we will want it. If we judge ourselves as worthless, we won't want to be ourselves, and an emotion will obviously come from that.

Our judgments rely on what we care about. If we care how we look, we will obviously look at ourselves in the mirror and make a judgment, good or bad. Then we will want to be in that situation and be happy, or we will not want to be in the situation and be anxious or upset.

What we care about relies on our beliefs. We are born with certain beliefs. We believe that pain is bad, for example, and so we care whether or not we feel pain.

To work forward from this, here's how it works.

Naturally we believe that pain is bad. So we care whether or not we feel pain. When we do feel pain, we judge how bad it is. The worse we judge the pain, the worse we want it to stop. The worse we want it to stop, the more unhappy we are.

All beliefs are unnecessary.

Let me give you an example that has more application to you:

If you are a guy, you probably want the love of a beautiful woman. This is a very common want for many guys. In this society we are made to believe that not only does our worth matter, but things like beautiful women decide our worth.

So we care whether we have the love of a beautiful woman or not. Because we care, we then judge the beauty of all the women we see. If we judge them as beautiful, we want their love. In most cases, you won't get the love of a specific beautiful woman you see, and that will lead to unhappiness.

It is not even natural to want pretty girls as much as guys do in this society. Naturally it's more about sex, not so much love. But it is a common belief that the more beautiful the woman the more their appreciation of you effects your worth.

This doesn't apply directly to women, because men and women have different beliefs.

I think women believe more that it's important to have a man that treats you well.

Anyway, the point of this thread was this:

Start from the root of the problem. You will never be able to change any of the things about yourself if you haven't removed the building block(s) above it.

Getting rid of your beliefs will then get rid of what you care about, and when you don't care you have no reason to judge, and when you don't judge you have reason to want... and when you don't want, you have no reason to feel unhappy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Unfortunately I don't know the best way to get rid of unnecessary beliefs at this time, but it's good to know either way, I think.
 

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According to Shad Helmstetter, beliefs are a result of programming. Programming (conditioning) is everything that we and others have told us about ourselves. It is programming that sets up and solidifies our beliefs. And from there, it goes to influence emotion, actions, etc. He argues, in order to change our emotions most effectively, we gotta change the programming first.

its a great simple book if you wanna check it out
http://www.amazon.com/What-Say-When...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1248233882&sr=8-1
 

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Getting rid of your beliefs will then get rid of what you care about, and when you don't care you have no reason to judge, and when you don't judge you have reason to want... and when you don't want, you have no reason to feel unhappy.
Well i could suggest one possible way to achieve this state, i say "possible" because the outcome depends on whether we have eternal life or not heh.

It seems like you mean that a state of "nothingness" will make you happy, i dont see how that would make anyone happy, and i would say its something which is impossible to achieve, at least in this life.
 

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i'd also like to add that i dont think beliefs are necessarily bad. it's just that most of us have bad beliefs that work against us. its difficult to get rid because we're kind of designed to have them.

for example:

"I'm an idiot. I never do anything right. I wish I could change."

versus

"I always do everything I need to, when I need to do it."

these are both examples of beliefs. they don't have to be "true", in fact i don't think there's any way to prove either of those. the important part is realizing that beliefs do not require that something be the way we see it to be. it only requires us to believe that it is.
 

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the root of our lives experiences define the root of our emotions, believes, feelings..etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
The post I made was too unclear... I'm sorry guys. I wanted to use the word "understanding" instead of belief, but Adyashanty or whatever his name is calls them beliefs. Either way I shouldn't have made this thread because it's still a little foggy in my head. I thought it would all straighten out once I saw it on the page.

Sorry.
 
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