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What's the point of this thread? A hollow rant or a subtle attempt to solicit advice?

In the case of the latter I am curious to know why you think he rejected you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
What's the point of this thread? A hollow rant or a subtle attempt to solicit advice?

In the case of the latter I am curious to know why you think he rejected you.
It was a response to some of the generalizations in the other thread about how 'geeks' could never end up with 'attractive' people. Also that in the end it was him dumping me, because we were in a relationship.

It was something he couldn't ever explain really.
 

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perhaps he put more of an emphasis on personality than on looks.....
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I would hope so, because I do too.. We were basically the same person, all the same interests, he said at one point I was perfect for him and then all of a sudden it was done.
 

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Some people can not handle a good thing. Sounds like one day, soon perhaps, he will realize what an incredible fool he is and come running back. If he is lucky, lottery lucky, he will not be shunned away as like a leper standing in an American shopping mall.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I'd take him back no question. I know its because he has some anxiety sort of issues, we haven't talked about it but being that I have problems of my own I know. He's back in town from holidays though and he has texted me to hang out already, I hope it goes well!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
do you think he became really self conscious about his anxiety and decided to break up with you? have you thought about bringing up the anxiety you both share when/if you hang out?
I think this was definitely a factor. Because of my own problems with it (I became really anxious myself because of the way I had been treated by a lot of guys prior to this) I did not realize this is what was going on for him until it was over and I had time to reflect on how things happened etc. So yes, now that we will hang out again I want to talk to him about it. I'm trying to think of a way that will seem gentle and non confrontational. Maybe if I just bring up my own problem with it he will be comfortable to tell me himself.
 

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Just a question... How much attention do you get from other guys when you are out?

I'm just asking because if I had a hot girlfriend I would be constantly paranoid that she would find someone better than me. The more attention she gets from other guys the more likely someone better will come along. It's especially strong if he feels unworthy to have someone like you.

It might have been too much stress to be with you. Unfotunately, there isn't much you can do about it because it is a self confidence issue with someone else. Over time confidence would increase but it would never go away completely.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Just a question... How much attention do you get from other guys when you are out?

I'm just asking because if I had a hot girlfriend I would be constantly paranoid that she would find someone better than me. The more attention she gets from other guys the more likely someone better will come along. It's especially strong if he feels unworthy to have someone like you.

It might have been too much stress to be with you. Unfotunately, there isn't much you can do about it because it is a self confidence issue with someone else. Over time confidence would increase but it would never go away completely.
I guess guys look at me or sometimes say stupid things but I ignore it. When I was with him too I can't even see anyone else but him, I know I'm super cheesy but I am really head over heels for this guy and I was very affectionate with him to try to be reassuring. Once some guy said something and he was with me and he just laughed it off so I don't know.

I never thought about this before - he broke up with me like the day or two days after I told him about guy who has been stalking me for like 9 months now. Now I wonder.
 

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I don't know if that's what the issue was or not. It is just an option that could have been going on in his head that you don't have any control over. Maybe he notices the attention you get all the while not getting any attention from others (excluding you). I know when I go out with my wife she gets lots of attention from everyone. Strangers will come up and talk to her and I am just invisible. It can be very stressful if you let the insecurity get to you. For some it's easier to be alone than to deal with that stress.

You showed him as much affection as you could and thats all anyone can ask for. Unless he communicates with you then you will never know exactly what the issue was.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I don't know if that's what the issue was or not. It is just an option that could have been going on in his head that you don't have any control over. Maybe he notices the attention you get all the while not getting any attention from others (excluding you). I know when I go out with my wife she gets lots of attention from everyone. Strangers will come up and talk to her and I am just invisible. It can be very stressful if you let the insecurity get to you. For some it's easier to be alone than to deal with that stress.

You showed him as much affection as you could and thats all anyone can ask for. Unless he communicates with you then you will never know exactly what the issue was.
He said almost this same thing - he said he isn't happier by himself but it is easier by himself. I think it was a combination of a lot of things but they all are rooted in his anxiety issues. Makes me sad because I can't even think about anyone else. Really miss him, I am glad he will at least still be my friend.
 

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I think the best thing you can do is to just keep talking to him and show him how much you care. Hopefully, he will see that it's better with you than without you. You know the saying: It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

I am still a bit insecure with my wife still but after 17 years it is a lot less than when we were dating. We have built up a lot of trust over that time. But, I know it can still end at any time. I wouldn't give up the time we shared to avoid the possible pain in the future. No risk, no reward.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I think the best thing you can do is to just keep talking to him and show him how much you care. Hopefully, he will see that it's better with you than without you. You know the saying: It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

I am still a bit insecure with my wife still but after 17 years it is a lot less than when we were dating. We have built up a lot of trust over that time. But, I know it can still end at any time. I wouldn't give up the time we shared to avoid the possible pain in the future. No risk, no reward.
I will keep trying and see how it goes. Thanks for your advice and for sharing!
 
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