seroquel & lamictal - keeps my mood stable, makes my depressive epidoes much much less severe and less often, took away my suicidal ideation and lowers my risk of suicide attempts (which would be previously high)
ativan - helps relieve anxiety when i know i will be in an anxiety-provoking situation, or if i've had a bad panic attack. it sometimes makes me feel similar to being a little drunk (without the body high), but it's never been a drug that i've wanted to take just out of boredom and i'm not even all that dependant on it, maybe cause it's not the kind of high i like. i only take it a few times a week and a pretty low dose anyway (my tolerance hasn't gone very high) and i don't take it if i know i'm drinking so i don't feel like i'm even close to addicted.
adderall - my extreme frustration regarding: my poor social skills and inability to be alert/quick enough in conversation, my extreme shyness, my complete lack of confidence, over self-consciousness, are all problems that i've been working on a long time with cbt/others but i have still made very little progress in social situations i want to actually enjoy and do well at. my severe problems with lack of concentration, focusing, and attention (which are problems that are extremely difficult to control as i've tried many things) were never addressed seriously by my doctor which was incredibly frustrating as they have set me back immensely in school.
okay those are weird sentences, but basically my point is those problems are what compelled me to buy adderall illegally off a friend. i know many people look down on it, but hell, if someone has struggled every day for the first 19 years of those life with those problems which have been very debilitating (and while i still do CBT and have improved it has never been drastically), then if they have easy access to a drug that can help a little then i'm sure many would resort to it as well (kudos to those who are able to enjoy life and be productive without it. seriously).
i'm also not going to lie that i do rely on it for certain situations - but i still think i have made progress from it honestly, even when i'm not on it. and i don't believe it will "cure" my shyness or SA, i have never believed it. it's just a temporary aid (which i did research extensively before taking it).
anyway - my doctor finally took my inattentive ADHD seriously and i'm now able to have a prescription for it. i'm not at all taking it for the high, or even the SA, but i can't even describe how amazing it is to, for the first time in my life, get some work done, focus for more than a few minutes, not take hours for the smallest assignment that others could do in less than 1, feel alert in discussions, etc etc. i did start it at the worst possible time - just the last month of my final year of high school (which is my 3rd year of grade 12, since i've failed/struggled so much with the problems), but at least i can confidently know that i can go to college without those problems holding me back.
and even though i bought it illegally and i do take a little more for bad SA situations, i don't plan on ever abusing the doses i get from my doctor (i buy the extra i take from a friend), i'm now very aware of the negative effects and work around them (take minerals/vitamins that help), i don't plan on lying to get more than i should, etc etc. it's just been a ****ing godsend and helped so much. only those with severe debilitating inattentive ADHD could understand.
alcohol - i love alcohol. i will not lie that when i'm with people and we have alcohol i will drink it as it does help. it certainly doesn't eliminate my shyness and i've accepted that long ago, but it helps enough to drink it on occasion and i don't abuse it (in fact i drink less than most people).