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Hello everyone,

New guy here who's anxiety issues has caused quite the problems for.

Background info - 24 years old, my first relationship started two years ago and all was fantastic. We were so in love, I wanted absolutely nothing more than to marry her and live my life and experience everything with her.

Fast forward a bit over a year. My job required me to go stay on a vessel in dry dock for three days, no issue for most people, but obviously this is different for us. I asked my boss if I could just drive back every morning. They didn't want me to, but I asked again and this aggravated him. I asked this because the situation made me uncomfortable, I don't like not being able t o leave a situation and I couldn't. Well me asking twice really upset my girlfriend, like a lot. So we didn't talk while I was on the vessel which made it ten times harder. Also, my girlfriends mother works at the same company so this causes situations where any mistake I make is known by my girlfriend very quickly. Not that I get ratted out because it isn't that at all, I tell my girlfriend, but she gets more info on the situation which isn't great.

We separated for a few days after that because she felt I can't handle situations and she couldn't trust me to take care of things but quickly got back together. Things weren't the same since then. I proposed and she said yes and a few months later we moved in due to some housing circumstances. That has not really gone well. We bicker about everything, how I load the dishwasher, etc., stupid stuff. This past Friday I did something that upset her and failed to talk to her about it (I get quiet when I'm angry and don't know what to say and she hates that), well she ended up going to her moms for the night. I didn't try hard enough to stop her apparently and when we talked I aired all my frustrations over the past few months. What really upsets her is I am very close to my parents, and I like to see them, this in turn makes her feel like she is not enough for me and she isn't my priority, that I care about them more than her. I tell her that is not true, but when things are going poorly between us I want my other safety net, them.

We took a short break for a few days and met up yesterday and have agreed to try again, the last attempt, if it doesn't work we will both move on. I want it to work, I love her to death and I know she loves me. I just need advice on how to become less reliant on my parents, how to be more emotionally mature. If we were to break up I would immediately go home, in fact after she left that night I did too. I need to be able to handle things better on my own.

Do you have any advice on how I can feel the need to see my family less, or how I can show her she is inded the center of my world. I mention the relationship issues here because I truly believe most of them stem from my attachment to my parents. Before we moved out we were great, because I still lived with them. How can I come to terms with not being at home anymore, obviously I will eventually, and I don't want to lose my fiancee over it now.

Thank you,
Andrew
 

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it sounds like maybe this relationship has run its course and thats why all the breakups are happening and why you guys bicker so much. usually in dating its easy to make it to the 2 year mark but after 2 years it starts to be sink or swim time. you either stay together with the bickering and unhappiness or you break up. in any relationship i have been in once all the bickering and the small break ups start it has always signaled the up coming end of the relationship and i have found the bickering is happening because im not a match for whoever it is im dating. and when i look back i can see the bickering started because deep down i wasnt happy.

its not about your relationship with your parents, if your too close to yours because you run to them then isnt she too close to her mom since she runs right to her mom?. your gf shouldnt be jealous of your relationship with your parents.

maybe you guys could try couples counseling and maybe even stop living together while your in counseling.

i think a permanent break up is coming up though for you guys..just based on the pattern that is starting.
 
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