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My big reason as to why I have SA today is because of REGRETS from my past. This has come back to me lately as I had just recently got a FaceBook.
When I first moved to Florida (1999,) it was when my parents had just divorced. Life was different; strange. I gained wight and became a recluse for years. Eventually, by the time I got to 10th grade, I started playing the character of a womanizer; not who I was, but who I wanted to be, just so I could fit in.
People started laughing; this was my big draw. I made others laugh and I had power. I used this power until about 12th grade; then I learned that most people actually hated me. This really killed me, and I haven't had the same self-esteem since.
Three years later, and I just got a FaceBook. All of my old High School friends (real friends, mind you, people of whom I actually liked,) are all still friends with old High School acquaintances, and doing new things with their lives. Me, however, they ignore, and I'm still a loser with no prospects.
Now I'm considering if suicide is cowardly or brave, and I'm swinging towards brave. This isn't me trying to whine, but rather me being honest with the only group I feel I can be honest with.
 

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Hey

Hey dude, i feel you. I was feeling pretty bad a couple of months ago as well and contemplating suicide. There were two things that were holding me back. I didn't want to hurt those who are close to me, and you don't know what happens when you die. What happens if you were just reincarnated into the exact same life? Or if things are even worse than they are now? You have no guarantee of salvation. Are you getting some kind of therapy? I was extremely sceptical at first as well, but if your therapist is good he'll challenge some of your innermost assumptions about the world and this will greatly impact the way you view the world.

If you are thinking about suicide it sounds like you feel a certain degree of hopelessness. No matter how much **** you are in or feel like you're in, it can be fixed. There is always hope, you just have to learn how to change your current situation.

On the issue of regret, i had a lot of regret as well. I always fantasize what i could be if my extreme self loathing and low self confidence didn't manifest in my young teenage years. I always think about the people i'd know, the skills i'd have, the person i would've been because i had so many great ideas ahead of my age. But then you start to realise that everyone's life is made up of regrets, of things that people wished they did but didn't do. But you can't spend your life thinking about that, because every single step you take in your life is what YOU decided to do, resulting in the person you are today. No matter how different the actions you took were from the actions you wished you had taken, they are YOUR actions.
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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Yeah, I hear you! My past has messed me all up to. I hate alot of the things I did do and I hate alot of things I didn't do. It would be nice to forget all those people from school because they've basically forgotten you. Thinking back to some of the people I went to school with, they were horrible. I always wondered if they saw me now, would they still be that mean. I wish I was half the person I wish I could be. Somewhere on the road of life we just need to appreciate the beautiful things and forgot about the bad things and the people that have hurt us. Even though it's hard, I know I'd rather not give those basta*ds the honor of thinking I give a s**t.
 
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