So I have a tutor for one of my harder classes. I am so jealous of her. She's like a super human being. She has everything that I want, and is everything I want to be, but can't seem to achieve. She has her Masters, and is going for her Phd. She looks like a model, she's bubbly, personable, and everything else you can imagine. She's smart, articulate, and funny. She has quite an impressive resume of accomplishments (which I won't go into detail)... but she works pretty much a double work week when you factor in all that she does in terms of tutoring, having two jobs, etc. She has accomplished so much and seems to be so happy. Needless to say, I feel like a piece of crap during tutoring sessions. I mean, given she is like 7 years older than me and whose to say how much I will have in terms of education in another 7 years (right now I'm only in my second year of my undergrad). But I think the big thing that gets me is how pretty she is on top of everything else. Looks are a big thing for me (when it comes to myself). I do NOT judge others on looks, but I value my own self-worth on my weight and my looks. I'm not sure if it's conceited when you judge your own self based on your looks. But in general besides the looks, I just feel subpar to her.
Ugh and today I had the most akward moment after tutoring. We were finishing up, and she was starting to say stuff like okay I'll talk to you later and see you next week, so when I left the room, I just walked in front of her instead of making conversation while leaving the building. I didn't know what to do. It was so akward. Then I couldn't find the exit and had to walk by her and I didn't even say anything! I don't know why I didn't. I think she felt akward because she could see me hesitating what to do. It sucks because I really look up to her and she probably thinks I'm like a piece of sh*t by now.
Often times we judge ourselves much too harshly. I know I play things over and over in my head. I just need to let certain things go. Many times we think people notice us much more than they actually do. Try not to worry about it.
xboxfreak took the words right out of my mouth.
It's hard not to go over things in our heads and judge the heck out of it and ourselves, but the thing to remember is, not everyone is judging you all the time, no matter what you think. She may really not have noticed anything or, if she did, it's probably forgotten by now. Next time you see her, just act as if it didn't happen and try to be more relaxed around her. She's just a human, even if she seems so much more to you. You can get to where she is, maybe even be better, with a little work and perseverance. She had to work, too, and I doubt her life is all sunshine and happiness. No one has it that good.
And don't judge your weight and looks. I know that seems hard and impossible, but it only makes you feel worse inside.
i bet she doesn't think you are a piece of crap. you say it looked like she was feeling awkward too? she was probably trying to think of a way to make the situation less awkward for you an her, and couldn't figure out how, so she was probably insecure herself.
i have found myself in the situation of having to walk a long way with a person like that - i usually avoid it by going to the bathroom that way they get out the door first. just for future reference. and you won't feel awkward walking in front of her or thinking you are forced to walk with her.
I can see what you're going through. I tutor english and any other essay or research paper oriented subjects. I'm fairly good at english, so I saw a good reason for a good job. The only problem is, the majority of people I work with are just like that. It always makes me feel inferior as a human being. It's taken me a while, but I'm starting to feel comfortable around them. I don't know if I can ever feel like equals though. I don't have any answers for you, I guess I can just tell you that you aren't alone.
Ah yea i know the feeling. I'm jealous of the pretty, social, and competent girls and women in my psych classes. Oh, and the TAs too. I'm not destined for great things like they are cuz of extreme anxiety and no motivation. We have to quit judging ourselves tho. Deep down I don't think anyone would feel that different levels of worthiness exist. They would feel bad about themselves for feeling that way.