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I really feel like I'll eventually lose touch with reality at the rate I'm going. Never been diagnosed with Derealization but I'm certain that's what I have. As a young teen, and now still, I've become an escapist, using fictional books, daydreaming, and music to do so. I'm not sure if that's how I ended up with the Derealization disorder, escaping so much that it worsened my mental health more that it already was. Doesn't help that when I dream it's always vivid and I tend to remember them. They are feeling more like reality to me and reality is a repetitive dream. Music was a way that I'd feel calm when I go out, to block out the mindless chatter and noise, but that fuels my Derealization more. If I stop, I'd just be trading one disorder for another. And while this is a big concern, a big part of me doesn't care that I'll lose my sense of reality for I never felt a part of it.

Anyone else going through this? Does it happen more than usual that you can't get a grip of your surroundings or once in a while?
 

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Karmically Cryptic
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This is really weird stumbling across this post right this moment because it's 11:20pm and I was just sitting here listening to music in a whole other world and I stopped and thought about it for a moment after I had a thought "Come back to reality" and I immediately thought "I don't want to."

I just went through a heartbreak and now I am catching myself having feelings for and fantasizing about being with someone who didn't break my heart...but it'll never happen with this particular person...I mean anything is possible but the chances are very slim. But now I'm caught up in all these feelings based on...well, I do have feelings for this person but the fantasy of us coming together is...a fantasy that I just woke up from.

I totally get what you mean about the music. It's like it transports me to another world than the one that's all around me...but...I don't care right now...

Edit: Also, I've never felt a part of this world either. I'm in it, but never a part of it.

This happens to me when I am facing trauma usually. My escape has always been love...and oddly enough, or not, "love" is where my trauma comes from.
 
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