[bad baby]

In a meeting today my boss said he put me in charge of our biggest project with no experience and no training because he thinks I can handle it. He was like, "I know what I'm doing, I'm not suicidal you know." We all laughed, but mine was the laugh of someone that just died a little on the inside.

I mean our clients are super cool and nice, but they probably won't ever want to work with us again if they had any idea just how underqualified I am.

I also have a bit of a crush on this one guy. He's probably married with young kids or something. Ugh I feel pathetic just typing that out, I need to go out and meet more people man. ;(

 

[strange_world]

People are noticing how anxious and panicky I am at my cleaning job. I keep getting comments about it and I don't know if they're particularly malicious comments, but people just keep saying "woah slow down!" and "don't worry we don't bite!" and things like that.

The problem is I'm always so sleepy due to my relatively old age so I overcompensate by getting cranked up on Monster energy drinks and then I just let rip.

Also it's a hospital and if you miss even one bin you're going to have dirty face masks and used syringes spilling out everywhere. I'd hate to think I was some sort of vector for disease (what with this being flu season).

Also patients keep mistaking me for a nurse. I'm not a nurse for goodness' sake. I'm absolutely worse than clueless and I have the bedside manners of a brick.

 

[WillYouStopDave]

People are noticing how anxious and panicky I am at my cleaning job. I keep getting comments about it and I don't know if they're particularly malicious comments, but people just keep saying "woah slow down!" and "don't worry we don't bite!" and things like that.

If someone at my work told me "I won't bite" I'd say "You'd better not".

The problem is I'm always so sleepy due to my relatively old age so I overcompensate by getting cranked up on Monster energy drinks and then I just let rip.

This sounds like something I'd do. Though I probably wouldn't go full Monster. Caffeine doesn't affect me too bad (TBH). I'm just a naturally anxious person. I guess it doesn't help but I am low energy. I honestly don't know if I could even possibly summon the energy for a job nowadays. I think I have just destroyed my body with a combination of all sorts of things combined with sitting around for most of my life.

 

[strange_world]

This sounds like something I'd do. Though I probably wouldn't go full Monster. Caffeine doesn't affect me too bad (TBH). I'm just a naturally anxious person. I guess it doesn't help but I am low energy. I honestly don't know if I could even possibly summon the energy for a job nowadays. I think I have just destroyed my body with a combination of all sorts of things combined with sitting around for most of my life.

I understand, I'm a bit sleepy nowadays I find. I have been since I reached my 40s. I still like to nap during the day whenever I can. I just woke up from an afternoon nap.

But at work my anxiety expresses itself as dashing about and panicking and hyperventilating and generally being ridiculously hyperactive. Then I stack the green Monster drink on top of that and it turns into complete bedlam! Not good for my aging heart I'd imagine.

 

[JH1983]

Found out yesterday that our most recent hire fell asleep at the wheel Friday night and wrecked his truck. So he's fired and now we're back to being down three people. Even worse we've got a 67 year old driver that's supposed to retire in April. I doubt if we can hire even one person by then, let alone three and then a replacement for him too.

On the bright side I could see our yearly raise being a decent amount again this year if the staffing issues continue to be as bad or worse as they have been. Plus more opportunities to work more and make more money.

 

[PeanutButterOatBars]

Found out yesterday that our most recent hire fell asleep at the wheel Friday night and wrecked his truck. So he's fired and now we're back to being down three people. Even worse we've got a 67 year old driver that's supposed to retire in April. I doubt if we can hire even one person by then, let alone three and then a replacement for him too.

On the bright side I could see our yearly raise being a decent amount again this year if the staffing issues continue to be as bad or worse as they have been. Plus more opportunities to work more and make more money.

I hope you get your raise

 

[JH1983]

I hope you get your raise

Thanks. We're guaranteed one yearly anyway, but not guaranteed how much it is. Being badly understaffed got us a good one last year and hopefully will again this year.

 

[strange_world]

It is my big online job interview tomorrow. I am worried because I really do need to get this job. If I can get this job, then I can finally move to Scotland and be with my girlfriend. That would be so awesome

It would be the start of an entirely new life for me, putting all of my problems behind me. I could actually make a success of myself with a new job and a partner. But... So much pressure. Interviews are so hard, and boring, and full of corporate jargon that I can never understand.

 

[JH1983]

It is my big online job interview tomorrow. I am worried because I really do need to get this job. If I can get this job, then I can finally move to Scotland and be with my girlfriend. That would be so awesome

It would be the start of an entirely new life for me, putting all of my problems behind me. I could actually make a success of myself with a new job and a partner. But... So much pressure. Interviews are so hard, and boring, and full of corporate jargon that I can never understand.

Good luck!

 

[strange_world]

Good luck!

Thank you!

...But it didn't go very well. I'm 99% certain haven't got the job. I just finished the interview by MS Teams on my smartphone. I was so nervous. Really, literally, shaking with nerves. I'm still shaking. I can hardly type atm. That was one of the worst interviews I ever did. Oh well.

It's going to be really hard to move up to Scotland now. That was a wonderful opportunity. But never mind, I'm sure I'll do better next time.

 

[JH1983]

Thank you!

...But it didn't go very well. I'm 99% certain haven't got the job. I just finished the interview by MS Teams on my smartphone. I was so nervous. Really, literally, shaking with nerves. I'm still shaking. I can hardly type atm. That was one of the worst interviews I ever did. Oh well.

It's going to be really hard to move up to Scotland now. That was a wonderful opportunity. But never mind, I'm sure I'll do better next time.

That sucks. I went to an interview last year and my heart rate was like 140 while I was sitting in my car about to go in. Makes it where I can hardly talk properly because my heart is beating so hard. I've been thinking about trying beta blockers before stuff like that. Heard good things on this forum about it.

 

[strange_world]

That sucks. I went to an interview last year and my heart rate was like 140 while I was sitting in my car about to go in. Makes it where I can hardly talk properly because my heart is beating so hard. I've been thinking about trying beta blockers before stuff like that. Heard good things on this forum about it.

I know right, it feels like I just blew a major chance to finally start my new life in Scotland with my partner. But there will be other chances.

I used to take beta blockers a long time ago. They really work. The NHS doesn't prescribe them for anxiety any more so I can't now. But they worked wonders for me when I was allowed to take them. I'd definitely recommend them.

 

[radiation]

my boss has been hinting at my promotion all week. I really do hope I get it. I'll know next week but I'm going to be realistic and not get my hopes up too much.

 

[bad baby]

New job is still triggering af. Being in the open-plan office drains me. Whenever the boss is out, my coworkers are so loud and unruly it's like a kindergarten playground. How can like 4 people make that much noise seriously?? For the first week or so I was full-on dissociating in my seat when that happened. I'm slightly better now, but I wonder if I will ever be able to get used to it and function "normally".

Some days in the office I'm so dissociated I can't even ask questions or speak properly, which is a symptom I thought I had gotten over. It's too bad since I actually like the work and can do reasonably well on Fridays when we wfh. Although I also don't want to fully wfh five days a week with barely any human contact like at my previous job.

So I considered quitting and I told my side-job boss and asked her about increasing my hours. It sort of backfired because she brought up the period last summer when I was sooooo out of it that I was handing in things late and barely completing one task per week.

She seemed to think it was because I was focusing too much on my other job and didn't have time, when in fact I was just mentally unwell and struggling with depression and insomnia and stupid coworkers gossiping about me and trying to get me to go out with the village idiot. But anyway. I said I understand that I needed to manage my time and communicate better, but I think she's not convinced.

So I've been sitting here for the past 3 hours debating in my head if I should just tell her about my mental health issues. I'm sick of people thinking I'm not trying hard enough when I literally struggle with the most basic things in life. If only she knew how much effort and pain it takes me to send a Slack message sometimes lol. But then if I told her she might decide that I'm a liability and fire me.

It sucks. It really sucks to be alive sometimes. I wish we didn't have to work, or at least didn't have to work 40 ****ing hours per week just to pay for survival, on top of doing chores and feeding ourselves and practising self-care and all that ****. It's too much. I'm just so ****ing exhausted, but if I don't do any of that somehow I just end up feeling even worse.

 

[bad baby]

Guess for now I'll white knuckle through the triggering job. I'm an adult now. It can't be worse than childhood trauma can it

 

[8888]

Had some trouble with a job application. Hope I did okay.

 

[JH1983]

New job is still triggering af. Being in the open-plan office drains me. Whenever the boss is out, my coworkers are so loud and unruly it's like a kindergarten playground. How can like 4 people make that much noise seriously?? For the first week or so I was full-on dissociating in my seat when that happened. I'm slightly better now, but I wonder if I will ever be able to get used to it and function "normally".

Some days in the office I'm so dissociated I can't even ask questions or speak properly, which is a symptom I thought I had gotten over. It's too bad since I actually like the work and can do reasonably well on Fridays when we wfh. Although I also don't want to fully wfh five days a week with barely any human contact like at my previous job.

So I considered quitting and I told my side-job boss and asked her about increasing my hours. It sort of backfired because she brought up the period last summer when I was sooooo out of it that I was handing in things late and barely completing one task per week.

She seemed to think it was because I was focusing too much on my other job and didn't have time, when in fact I was just mentally unwell and struggling with depression and insomnia and stupid coworkers gossiping about me and trying to get me to go out with the village idiot. But anyway. I said I understand that I needed to manage my time and communicate better, but I think she's not convinced.

So I've been sitting here for the past 3 hours debating in my head if I should just tell her about my mental health issues. I'm sick of people thinking I'm not trying hard enough when I literally struggle with the most basic things in life. If only she knew how much effort and pain it takes me to send a Slack message sometimes lol. But then if I told her she might decide that I'm a liability and fire me.

It sucks. It really sucks to be alive sometimes. I wish we didn't have to work, or at least didn't have to work 40 *ing hours per week just to pay for survival, on top of doing chores and feeding ourselves and practising self-care and all that *. It's too much. I'm just so ****ing exhausted, but if I don't do any of that somehow I just end up feeling even worse.

I wish I could only work 40 hours a week. Well, I wish I could make what I make now by only working 40 hours or less instead of having to work the 45-55 hours I do now. You're right though even 40 hours a week is too much on top of everything else life demands.

My company actually has a position open right now that's only 35-37 hours a week, but it only pays $1250 a week. But honestly it's almost tempting to take it just to have the better work/life balance.

 

[bad baby]

I wish I could only work 40 hours a week. Well, I wish I could make what I make now by only working 40 hours or less instead of having to work the 45-55 hours I do now. You're right though even 40 hours a week is too much on top of everything else life demands.

My company actually has a position open right now that's only 35-37 hours a week, but it only pays $1250 a week. But honestly it's almost tempting to take it just to have the better work/life balance.

I think $1250/week is actually more than what I'm making now lol (certainly more after currency conversion). I was on 37.5 hours at my old job but it also paid less. This is gonna sound really dumb but it was also too flexible with time and days off, and I ended up developing a really bad daily schedule where I would sleep at like 5 in the morning and wake up before noon to clock in and take too many unpaid days off that I just spent at home doomscrolling lol.

Can't decide if I want to quit still. This afternoon we had a meeting and I was sooo mentally checked out I could barely keep myself upright. I kept accidentally making eye contact with coworker and he must have thought wtf was wrong with me lol. I feel like I can learn stuff from my boss but maybe the worsening social anxiety and stress is not worth it :/

 

[Dissonance]

finally a day off

 

[Citrine79]

Things are going to come to a head at work sooner than later because this way of doing things isn’t sustainable in the least. This whole situation has been handled poorly right from the start and has made my already poor motivation and effort get even worse. I am literally doing the barest of bare minimum required. And I realize that if I had been a little more uh, helpful or a “team player”, things may have gone a little smoother. But I have done that in the past…and it didn’t go well…not going down that road again. Other people can deal with the mess and will eventually figure it out somewhere down the road.