[ed1980]

People are noticing how anxious and panicky I am at my cleaning job. I keep getting comments about it and I don't know if they're particularly malicious comments, but people just keep saying "woah slow down!" and "don't worry we don't bite!" and things like that.

The problem is I'm always so sleepy due to my relatively old age so I overcompensate by getting cranked up on Monster energy drinks and then I just let rip.

Also it's a hospital and if you miss even one bin you're going to have dirty face masks and used syringes spilling out everywhere. I'd hate to think I was some sort of vector for disease (what with this being flu season).

Also patients keep mistaking me for a nurse. I'm not a nurse for goodness' sake. I'm absolutely worse than clueless and I have the bedside manners of a brick.

 

[ed1980]

This sounds like something I'd do. Though I probably wouldn't go full Monster. Caffeine doesn't affect me too bad (TBH). I'm just a naturally anxious person. I guess it doesn't help but I am low energy. I honestly don't know if I could even possibly summon the energy for a job nowadays. I think I have just destroyed my body with a combination of all sorts of things combined with sitting around for most of my life.

I understand, I'm a bit sleepy nowadays I find. I have been since I reached my 40s. I still like to nap during the day whenever I can. I just woke up from an afternoon nap.

But at work my anxiety expresses itself as dashing about and panicking and hyperventilating and generally being ridiculously hyperactive. Then I stack the green Monster drink on top of that and it turns into complete bedlam! Not good for my aging heart I'd imagine.

 

[ed1980]

It is my big online job interview tomorrow. I am worried because I really do need to get this job. If I can get this job, then I can finally move to Scotland and be with my girlfriend. That would be so awesome

It would be the start of an entirely new life for me, putting all of my problems behind me. I could actually make a success of myself with a new job and a partner. But... So much pressure. Interviews are so hard, and boring, and full of corporate jargon that I can never understand.

 

[ed1980]

Good luck!

Thank you!

...But it didn't go very well. I'm 99% certain haven't got the job. I just finished the interview by MS Teams on my smartphone. I was so nervous. Really, literally, shaking with nerves. I'm still shaking. I can hardly type atm. That was one of the worst interviews I ever did. Oh well.

It's going to be really hard to move up to Scotland now. That was a wonderful opportunity. But never mind, I'm sure I'll do better next time.

 

[ed1980]

That sucks. I went to an interview last year and my heart rate was like 140 while I was sitting in my car about to go in. Makes it where I can hardly talk properly because my heart is beating so hard. I've been thinking about trying beta blockers before stuff like that. Heard good things on this forum about it.

I know right, it feels like I just blew a major chance to finally start my new life in Scotland with my partner. But there will be other chances.

I used to take beta blockers a long time ago. They really work. The NHS doesn't prescribe them for anxiety any more so I can't now. But they worked wonders for me when I was allowed to take them. I'd definitely recommend them.

 

[ed1980]

From experience of cleaning a hospital they just expect you to do too much. You cannot do so much and do it to the standard required. It's worse cleaning around patients too because they always want to talk and that slows things down. I time a supervisor came round and was telling me that I hadn't done something and I just said in a sad, stressed tone "I haven't got time to get it all done" infront of a patient.

Thanks, I'm glad it isn't just me who's had this experience with it. They are always wheeling patients in and out in beds, so there's no opportunity to actually get in the rooms and clean. So idk really. It's basically impossible to get it all done, even when I am fuelled by Monster energy drinks and running round like a headless chicken. Even a lady who has been working there 34 years said don't try to get it all done.

The nurses are all really busy. So patients in the waiting room at the clinics have to ask the cleaners for help with things, like being wheeled around in their chairs and help eating and stuff. Happy to help of course but it does take away time from what you're supposed to be doing.

 

[ed1980]

Woah, I never got asked to wheel patients around or help people eat. That would take up even more time. Sounds incredibly stressful!

Yeah I think the only way to survive in a job like that is to not care so much unfortunately. Management in those places expect too much

The nurses like to park patients in wheelchairs right in front of our cleaning cupboard, so we have to keep wheeling them out of the way. Whilst trying not to slam them directly into a wall like I always nearly manage to.

They also like to give cake (or whatever they've got spare) to the patients who haven't eaten for a long time which is nice, but I guess eating cake in a wheelchair when you're 80 years old isn't easy so we have to help them out sometimes.

The nurses work for the NHS, but the cleaners work for an on-site facilities company (with none of the perks of being a full NHS employee) so there's a bit of a disconnect there.

 

[ed1980]

Two ladies at my work had a very heated disagreement this evening. The word that starts with b and rhymes with 'itch' was in frequent use. It was getting pretty vocal and unpleasant so I snuck out before the inevitable fist fight started.

I hope they make up and become friends again. It's not my business what caused their falling out but I will pray that things are sorted out amicably between them.

 

[ed1980]

There is a nurse in one of my areas at work who was always very nice to me. But I could never remember her name. So I asked my workmate what her name was. My workmate then went and blatantly just told her that I forgot her name and asked what her name was! So now she doesn't seem to like me any more.

There's another nurse, a male one, there who just obviously doesn't have much patience for me and is sarcastic with me. I don't blame them at all as I can be a difficult person to get along with, but it is disappointing when it happens and I have to accept it's my fault sadly

These things never work out well for me. I get on well enough with a young guy there, and a lady about my age. I seem to get on okay with the ladies I work with. But the rest of them don't like me, I swear. All the nurses stare at me like I've got two heads. It's probably going to be one of those jobs I have to leave for a new one just because I'm too unpopular.

 

[ed1980]

I shouldn't be so bothered about it all but I'm getting a bit depressed about social stuff at my job.

I'm a man who works with four women and everybody says 'Good evening ladies!' as they walk past us. I'm like: "I'M HERE TOO!" but I guess I don't even warrant an acknowledgement. Same as yesterday, my supervisor individually said goodbye to everybody EXCEPT ME. This is the same boss who flat refused to say hello to me when we first met and just made an 'ew!' face at me. Also yesterday one of the nurses called me a freak when she thought I couldn't hear her.

But I understand I'm difficult to get to know and I look a bit of a rum 'un so I can't have too many complaints. It's just sad really as I quite like the people I work with. It's a shame but I have to accept that this job is too socially demanding for me and I need to find a more solitary occupation. I need to do this before I cause any more upset for other people.