[bad baby]

Just finished a monster 35-pager in one day. I don't feel so good.. back hurts, eyes swimming and mouth tastes like bile X_X... But if I trucker on for the next two three days I'd make more than I can usually make in a week. And then after this I really gotten start prepping for exams. Hopefully no more work comes in..

 

[bad baby]

It just occurred to me that I might be doing free work a lot of the time.

Sometimes they only ask me to check X, and I automatically check Z as well (but not Y thank god).
Maybe that explains why I am so slow/inefficient.
But personally I think my performance is on par, and anyway I don't want to be one of those people who just stamps "UNCLEAR" on everything without at least making an effort to try and understand before I resort to that.

Kind of hard to separate the two anyway. Although the price difference is quite noticeable.

Also now I'm wondering if all freelance is like this?:

"You can make $N/hr doing XYZ! (When in reality XYZ is more like a two-hour job. So you're only making $0.5N/hr, and that's provided you can go for 9-10 hours a day without getting fatigued and seeing performance drop. Also sometimes there's no work. So in essence you're really only getting $0.3N/hr, if you're lucky.)"

This is probably why most people hold on to their day jobs, even those that loathe it. I need to get me a day job.

 

[bad baby]

^
Damn that sounds like a sucky situation. My coworkers also talk about me in Japanese thinking I don't understand. My listening is ok I think, and even if I don't understand everything I can at least get the gist. Granted they're not saying anything bad, but like have some basic manners lol. One time I straight up asked a guy, "Why are you talking about me? I'm right here you know." And he just blanked me and went back to his conversation. Like, cool bro. Cool cool.

Also in meetings sometimes they're talking about my work but they'll just not include me in the conversation unless they absolutely have to (like they have to ask me a question or something). Oftentimes I just forcibly insert myself into these conversations, or I'll bring something up unprompted. But other times I'm just like sick of making all this effort, and I just let things slide or watch things play out. Not the healthiest way, but like this is exhausting man.

Tbh I feel like a lot of my coworkers are lacking in emotional intelligence and don't notice how their actions come across to other people. But they're so super polite and non-confrontational at the same time. It's weird af.

I think this has contributed to an overall work culture where people don't really communicate and coordinate enough, and different pieces are very disconnected. When I ask people something (that they should know and is frankly kind of important), they're just like, shrug "I dunno, I'm not in charge of that." As you can imagine the quality of projects that come out of all this. It's kind of demotivational.

Anyway, enough of my worker's alienation spiel. Gotta get back to worker. Long groan

 

[bad baby]

My company is a freaking joke. I’m falling behind, making sloppy mistakes and basically spend half the day on social media but I don’t care at all. I so badly want to quit but I can’t for a number of reasons. I do the barest of the bare minimum required of me but even that is a chore lately. I’ve never been this bad or apathetic even at my last job where my boss was a nightmare. As bad as she was…at least that company was better run than my current one is.

I'm trying to find another job before I fall into this state lol. Really hard to focus on the work when everything is so disorganised and pointless..

 

[bad baby]

Useless advice from "career coach" on LI lmao:

Great question [Name]! When I'm coaching freelancers on niches, for sure, there are some that are more rich with opportunity that others- i.e. technical writing! As a non-technical person, I myself did not resonate with trying to (and hopelessly failing at!) writing technical pieces. I wrote what I knew and what I WANTED to write on. And then found people that valued that too. So my question to you is: what areas are you interested in? Who are companies you admire in this space? And do you feel confidence in pitching ideas to them? 😊

Basically only the last three questions are relevant to the original question (which was asking what other types of writing there are out there besides TW). And even then it gives off heavy "no shxt sherlock" vibes.

Also giving off the "what do you want to eat?" "i don't know, what do you want to eat?" vibes.

 

[bad baby]

Tech people at my work are so sloppy! The same thing is labelled with 3 different names in different places. It's like playing detective trying to figure out what is what. I know probably 3 different people made them, but Seriously just take 5 minutes to check with each other, or look up what the other person did first?? It's not that hard.

 

[bad baby]

Parents keep sending me job postings from CSIS (basically the Canadian secret services). I said "not interested" the first few time but of course that doesn't mean anything to them. Ended up spewing like a 5-minute rant to them about the application process and the surveillance and the high-profile lawsuits/complaints from minority group ex-employees who were harassed and discriminated against there. I mean, just look at the RCMP and you'd have a pretty good idea what the CSIS is like huh.

I don't understand why my parents don't seem to be able to learn lessons from life experience like most people do? My dad worked for a government entity for decades and the amount of office politics was insane - probably more than I've ever experienced at all of my private employers combined. And the lack of meritocracy, promotions/hiring/assignments by connections and personality. He's had co-workers that flat out cut ties with their whole department or just walked off one day and never came back. And yet he thinks it's some kind of ideal workplace??

Not to mention the pay is insultingly low for the bull**** they put you through. $100K for like a year-long application process where they dig into every detail of your life? No thanks. And apparently it's one of the most sought-after employers. Or maybe they're just saying that to blow smoke up their own behinds.

 

[bad baby]

Useless advice from "career coach" on LI lmao:


Basically only the last three questions are relevant to the original question (which was asking what other types of writing there are out there besides TW). And even then it gives off heavy "no shxt sherlock" vibes.

Also giving off the "what do you want to eat?" "i don't know, what do you want to eat?" vibes.

Another person replied something along the lines of, "All writing is technical writing, only some of us were not formally trained." Ummm... no???? TW is a specific kind of writing ... I'm starting to get why people so many people think LI is cancer now 😂

 

[bad baby]

Yeah, I had a couple pairs of Wolverine boots and while they are comfortable they became no longer waterproof in under a year. The sole would start to pull away and let water in. And they are $120-150 boots. I got some Harley Davidson work boots on sale once and they didn't even last two weeks. I think they were more just for show even though they were called work boots.

Many claim non slip and all non slip are not created equal. When you're maneuvering a 2000lb pallet out on to a liftgate in the rain you definitely don't want to slip.

Few years back I got a $50 pair of workboots. Worked in a warehouse, nothing strenuous, maybe carried like 50lbs max on cement floors. After a few months the fabric on the toes tore and the steel-toe piece fell down and pressed down on my foot when walking. Super uncomfortable lol! But I just kept wearing it because that was our max boot budget until the next year. It was one of the few sub-$100 options I could find.

Looking back my boss was such a cheapskate. I also had a gas mask that was held together with tape, had retake it every so often when it came loose again. Pretty sure it wasn't protecting me against anything, considering I was actually working with environmental toxins (and they stank!)...

Also surprised that Harley Davidson workboots are bad quality. I guess maybe that's why they were on sale. I had a pair of motorcycle boots from them that were super cute AND sturdy. Non-slip (or anti-slip? I don't know, they were grooved), full grain leather, Goodyear welted sole. I remember thinking damn, are their motorcycles this quality too? But they were covered under orthopedic insurance, and I got lucky cause usually they'd be sold out. Probably something like $500+ full price if I had to guess.

I find that shoes in general are worth investing in a good pair. The low quality ones literally fall apart on your feet as you're walking, or the cheap filler material pokes out and stabs you in the foot. Idek what they put in the soles but I got stabbed by things that feel like metal lol.

 

[bad baby]

The Harley Davidson work boots did look really good, but yeah didn't last long at all. Might have been a one off bad pair because I've had some of their non work boots that seemed to last awhile.

The ones I have now are Ariat and they're the best work boots I've ever owned. Planning on getting another pair of these with the allowance from work. Well, it'll pay like half anyway. For half off I'll get a pair every year whether I need them or not and just keep them in reserve.

And yeah it's usually the sole and the seams on the cheap ones that go. I guess cheap materials and poor stitching. I remember growing up my dad wore the cowboy style work boots and he'd get them resoled every few years and they lasted forever. I also remember him saying they were a few hundred a pair back then, so in today's dollars they'd be very pricey.

1 pair every year, oh wow do you go through workboots that fast?? Ariat has some kickass looking cowboy boots!! I was ogling them online over the summer (too expensive to ship to me, and just too expensive in general), they look pretty good quality though.

There's actually a few shoe repair shops near me. I guess for older shoes with stitched soles (instead of cemented/glued) people still go to get them resoled and stuff. Nowadays most shoes seem to be glued, seems a better deal to just buy a new pair instead of getting them repaired (not sure if cemented soles can even be resoled). I wish I had stuff from long ago that can be repaired and reworn. It's so much better for the environment.

 

[bad baby]

No, I'm really not that hard on them at my current job. It's 90% driving, but with self unload you want safety toe, waterproof, and non slip. Most of the wear comes from dragging heavy pallets on concrete that ends up wearing the heels. I switched to pull ons because I caught my laces on stuff constantly. It's a little weird walking in them at first, but you get used to it. I actually prefer them now over lace up boots for my job.

View attachment 150665

I ended up just getting another pair of Ariats that are identical to the ones I already have. Kinda wanted something more plain and a bit cheaper, but all the other ones I tried on didn't pass my slip test. I try sliding around the floor at the store to test the non slip. I guess these are made for oilfield work or something, says oil exploration on the tag whatever that is. But the grip on the bottom is crazy good. I don't want to get out here in the rain dragging a pallet and slip.

Didn't know that about the stitched soles. There's a few boot stores in this area I guess that probably do sole repair and replacement. I wonder if they can get the super grippy non slip soles.

"Pull-ons" as in Chelsea-type workboots (Is that a thing lol)? I have a pair of Chelseas with pretty thick/stiff leather - not sure how to describe, basically the kind of leather that doesn't stretch much / don't need break in - and it's a pain to pull them on and off, esp without a pull tab at the back. I was hunting for a second-hand pair of boots for a while and saw a lot of people selling their Chelseas in semi-new condition because of this problem lol. Although they do look nice.

And yeah I read there's a difference between anti-slip and non-slip, but I can't remember what it was. Kind of like waterproof vs. water resistant - one is like crazy expensive and runs up to a few thousand+, the other kind is like upwards of a few hundred and limited protection.

I'd assume shoe repair places have all kinds of soles, it's just a matter of price. You can probably hunt down some nice Vibram soles yourself and just pay the cost of having them switch it out for you. I've also seen people online slip-proofing their own boots with sandpaper and stuff, but if it's a nice pair you probably don't want to risk damaging it with some crazy DIY lol.

 

[bad baby]

Had to look Chelsea boots up. Similar style, but I think western pull on work boots would be the name of the style. Like this:

View attachment 150716

I've talked to a few of my coworkers on the phone about this over the last couple weeks. Being that we drive trucks around all night calling each other to pass the time is common. But only one other coworker and I wear these kind. A few wear lace up work boots or steel toe shoes and several just wear plain tennis shoes. Which seems insane to me. I would've lost toes already not to mention soaked feet every time it rains.

Cool look!! I can't tell which part is stretchy for you to get them on though.

I thought your company had policy for mandatory steel-toe and that's why you get the allowance? But I can see how it might not be the best (or most comfortable) for driving. There's also driving shoes which basically look like tennis shoes, but I heard they have especially thin soles (or maybe they're thin everywhere, idk) and you can feel everything under the ground when you walk in them. Would give great sensitivity on the pedals, and look kind of posh too:

 

[bad baby]

I'll give this one bonus points for a comfortable looking shoe that also looks as sleek as an expensive car. I think my feet would be nice and aerodynamic in those. They would just glide through the windy days like butter.

A pair of shoes that glide through things like butter sounds like a recipe for falling on your *** lol! Back in middle school I only had flat-soled sneakers and would walk to school in winter. I learned to do this shuffling thing on the iced pavement to keep my balance. Not great for the soles. I mostly wear boots now, and I'm kind of picky about chunky soles. Some of those indoor floors can be damn slippery.

Today whilst getting something from the cupboard I saw someone at work that I'd never seen before. This person got the wrong idea from our conversation. They are not impressed so far with some things I can tell that from what he said and how he was looking at things.

He assumed I worked in the kitchen. I said no I do the cleaning. I do the cleaning but not down here. If you find anything dirty here it's not in my section ( a staff member before has just assumed something that wasn't being done was my job). He repeated " not in your section". I said that does sound like I don't care but I can't keep cleaning someone else's section when I have too much to do in my own. But to my words not in my section and it sounds like I don't care he said "and you don't, that's okay" with a face not impressed.

I have never said "I don't clean down here, so if you find anything dirty it's not in my section" to anyone before; I feel like crying when I see how things are left sometimes, "after they've been cleaned" just because of his body language; the way he was looking at things and his disapproval it just came out.

Then I remembered that show Undercover Boss, I think that's what it is called, and just was thinking how my words "not in my section" would be perceived when it is the complete opposite. At jobs I have missed out breaks to get the work done and done to the best of my ability.

I love my job and I give all that I can. I don't like it when people get the wrong idea about me.

Did he start off accusing you of not doing your job, or did he just ask you, "Do you work in the kitchen?" and you volunteered all this info yourself? I feel like some people in the workplace are just waiting to catch you out, and it's probably best not to tell them anything unless you need to. Especially if they're not your manager anyway.

 

[bad baby]

Day before long weekend, coworker posts in group chat that he "won't get any rest" because his young kids will bug him to do stuff, and he actually prefers going in to work over staying home with his kids. The boss responds with a laughing emoji.

Not sure if this guy is just trying to suck up to the boss or if he truly feels this way. Either way, **** this ****, wtf are these people. I feel like an alien in this garbage corporate culture.

 

[bad baby]

Y'all ever have this thing where, you need some info to do your job, and you ask people for it. Your company is super disorganised so you don't even know who to ask for what, so you just crowdsource. And then people only give you half of the info you need (maybe they don't know the other half, or maybe they just don't want to bother). Then you kind of wait because you don't want to be like aggressively hounding them down for it. Then later your work gets delayed and they come to you and they're like, "Why haven't you finished this thing yet?"

I want to turn around and be like, "Why do YOU think?" But then I'm not an a-hole so I kind of just sheepishly laugh and go, "Ohhh, haha, not sure, I'll double check..." and then scramble to finish it with half the information.

I'm wondering if I should tell my boss about this. I'm not going to name names or anything, but it's not that hard for people to just say they don't know and direct me to somebody who knows or to a source or something instead of just leaving me hanging. Not cool, man.

 

[bad baby]

AAAAAAAAaaaaa so much work and so many emails etc to reply to. Making my social avoidance flare up. I think I overestimated my capacity to function while trying to pull self out of rut. I want to die!!!!! Just want to throw away my laptop/phone and bury my head in my blanket and not come out until next year (PД`q。)·。'゜

screaming crying running away

 

[bad baby]

In a meeting today my boss said he put me in charge of our biggest project with no experience and no training because he thinks I can handle it. He was like, "I know what I'm doing, I'm not suicidal you know." We all laughed, but mine was the laugh of someone that just died a little on the inside.

I mean our clients are super cool and nice, but they probably won't ever want to work with us again if they had any idea just how underqualified I am.

I also have a bit of a crush on this one guy. He's probably married with young kids or something. Ugh I feel pathetic just typing that out, I need to go out and meet more people man. ;(

 

[bad baby]

New job is still triggering af. Being in the open-plan office drains me. Whenever the boss is out, my coworkers are so loud and unruly it's like a kindergarten playground. How can like 4 people make that much noise seriously?? For the first week or so I was full-on dissociating in my seat when that happened. I'm slightly better now, but I wonder if I will ever be able to get used to it and function "normally".

Some days in the office I'm so dissociated I can't even ask questions or speak properly, which is a symptom I thought I had gotten over. It's too bad since I actually like the work and can do reasonably well on Fridays when we wfh. Although I also don't want to fully wfh five days a week with barely any human contact like at my previous job.

So I considered quitting and I told my side-job boss and asked her about increasing my hours. It sort of backfired because she brought up the period last summer when I was sooooo out of it that I was handing in things late and barely completing one task per week.

She seemed to think it was because I was focusing too much on my other job and didn't have time, when in fact I was just mentally unwell and struggling with depression and insomnia and stupid coworkers gossiping about me and trying to get me to go out with the village idiot. But anyway. I said I understand that I needed to manage my time and communicate better, but I think she's not convinced.

So I've been sitting here for the past 3 hours debating in my head if I should just tell her about my mental health issues. I'm sick of people thinking I'm not trying hard enough when I literally struggle with the most basic things in life. If only she knew how much effort and pain it takes me to send a Slack message sometimes lol. But then if I told her she might decide that I'm a liability and fire me.

It sucks. It really sucks to be alive sometimes. I wish we didn't have to work, or at least didn't have to work 40 ****ing hours per week just to pay for survival, on top of doing chores and feeding ourselves and practising self-care and all that ****. It's too much. I'm just so ****ing exhausted, but if I don't do any of that somehow I just end up feeling even worse.

 

[bad baby]

Guess for now I'll white knuckle through the triggering job. I'm an adult now. It can't be worse than childhood trauma can it

 

[bad baby]

I wish I could only work 40 hours a week. Well, I wish I could make what I make now by only working 40 hours or less instead of having to work the 45-55 hours I do now. You're right though even 40 hours a week is too much on top of everything else life demands.

My company actually has a position open right now that's only 35-37 hours a week, but it only pays $1250 a week. But honestly it's almost tempting to take it just to have the better work/life balance.

I think $1250/week is actually more than what I'm making now lol (certainly more after currency conversion). I was on 37.5 hours at my old job but it also paid less. This is gonna sound really dumb but it was also too flexible with time and days off, and I ended up developing a really bad daily schedule where I would sleep at like 5 in the morning and wake up before noon to clock in and take too many unpaid days off that I just spent at home doomscrolling lol.

Can't decide if I want to quit still. This afternoon we had a meeting and I was sooo mentally checked out I could barely keep myself upright. I kept accidentally making eye contact with coworker and he must have thought wtf was wrong with me lol. I feel like I can learn stuff from my boss but maybe the worsening social anxiety and stress is not worth it :/