[harrison]

A decent night's sleep and the right dose of medication really does make you feel a lot better. Also having my own place and more money gives me the stability that I haven't had for so long. So much fear and general "madness" before - I hope that's a thing of the past.

 

[harrison]

My sister doesn't seem to be so worried about Covid - she goes to work, goes to the shops and goes out for lunch with friends. I've been limiting who I come into contact with a lot more than that.

 

[harrison]

Sometimes I can get a weird mixture of anxiety and mania at the same time. I had to go and pick up this stuff from a bookshop today and one of the girls that worked there asked me something then the whole group just stood and watched us talking. I hate it when that happens - it becomes like a little performance I'm putting on for people.

Then of course I have to tell my wife about it later and she says I should just go in, get what I want and not interact with anyone. Jesus, that's no way to live - I have to talk to people.

 

[harrison]

Strange when you get so much validation and admiration from one or two people but you still can't help listening to those voices of self-doubt.

 

[harrison]

Yeah, they say your own internal voice is always the strongest voice, even in times when they may be inaccurate.

My time with my counsellor/therapist came to an end the other day. There were just a set amount of sessions and they were finished. I'm trying to think of what she would tell me - but my own negative inner voice keeps blasting it's way through. Bloody horrible.

 

[harrison]

My son asked me a few weeks ago if he could get an extra Amex card in my name so he could get the frequent flyer points - now I'm getting ads on SAS to use my Amex card. (which I haven't even got yet)

All these ads were a novelty at first but the appeal is now gone.

 

[harrison]

Bought a book today called "Confessions of a Bookseller". Entry from Saturday 9th May:

A very elderly man, walking using two sticks to help him get about, bought a copy of a book called Advanced Sex: Explicit Positions for Explosive Lovemaking."

Disturbing - and slightly terrifying.

 

[harrison]

With all this mask-wearing - it's pretty amazing how much can still be conveyed by just your eyes.

 

[harrison]

Sometimes they have way too many mirrors in those change rooms at the departments store. They should have a few for people my age with just one mirror. We really don't need to see ourselves from that many different angles - it's just frightening.

 

[harrison]

Yesterday I was thinking it might be wise to upgrade my health insurance because I felt like I needed to go to hospital and this afternoon I'm okay again. So strange.

 

[harrison]

Programs about art forgers are much more interesting than those boring shows about art history. I'm sure my wife would say that says something about my character and I'd say she's most likely right. (as usual)

 

[harrison]

I just came across a song I used to listen to a lot when I was young - My God so mushy and nostalgic. I would've been getting over some girl - and in a strange sort of way been enjoying the pain and heartache. So weird.

I only remembered it because I remember having the album and saw the cover on Youtube - it feels like several lifetimes ago and sort of is.

 

[harrison]

I kinda know what you mean by enjoying the pain in a strange sort of way, I'm actually in the middle of this exact circumstance. I think it's more, for me at least, that there's a beauty in the pain and process of healing, not so much enjoying it as the pain reminds me I'm alive. That I can love, that I have loved, and I can love again. It's certainly better than feeling nothing.

Sorry, I realised after I wrote that that I had seen somewhere some posts of yours that mentioned a similar circumstance. Hope I didn't offend you.

I was pretty young - probably 19 or very early 20's It's so strange looking back on it when you're older - it's hard to believe it was me. But I remember it wasn't always pleasant - one particular girl I was with for quite a while and she used to drive me nuts. I guess part of it was knowing we'd probably get back together because we always did. My best friend back then said we were the only people he knew that would be fighting even if we were on the opposite sides of the world.

Getting back together was always pretty good though.

 

[harrison]

No worries man, you didn't offend me. I could just relate.

That's a relief mate. Are you thinking you'll get back together at some point?

 

[harrison]

For some reason people seem to be obsessed with The Book Thief lately by Markus Zusak. I got to know him a bit ages ago when I was probably manic and he signed a number of things for me. It's weird how books can just sit there for ages and then all of a sudden you'll sell a few in a row.

 

[harrison]

It always amazes me when I see people playing football and they're actually taking it seriously.

 

[harrison]

The Christmas tarts at Brunetti's are not bad - but that Pear and Rasberry Crumble was just unbelievable.

 

[harrison]

It looks like a lot of the cosmetic companies just put together packages of samples as a gift pack for Christmas then charge quite a bit for them. Cheeky devils.

 

[harrison]

I got a medium size double patty burger with a small fries at a local chain burger place today for lunch. It came out to be $27 total. The last time I went there for during the early pandemic and I got the exact same things and it around $17 which was still very overpriced. I will probably just make one at home myself the next time.

$27 dollars for fast food? That's a fair bit.

I very rarely have McDonald's or anything like that but I had Indian a while ago and what I normally get (butter chicken, rice, papadams and a mango lassi) came to about 20 bucks I think. Which I thought was a bit cheeky.

 

[harrison]

This is more of a burger joint, so higher quality than McDonalds and such. But I wonder if a restaurant burger would or high end burger place would actually be cheaper than this.

Yeah, that sounds like a lot. That's about 35 dollars in our money.

We have this chain of burger places called Grill'd - they have them as separate shops and also in some of the malls. (Great burgers - but for some reason they always have to get fancy with the chips and put herbs on them.) I can never usually eat all the burger. Think I paid about 25 or so for that with a drink a while ago actually.