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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
First of all, I'm male and heterosexual, so that's not the problem...
During the school day, many women ask me for hugs. I do honestly like hugs themselves since I'm in high school and hormones are raging, but I always have to reluctantly decline. As performance anxiety or social anxiety in general may be possible causes for this, I don't think it's just that. I'm not a goody two-shoes, but I do believe that school is a place for education. When girls ask me for hugs before class starts (yes, I don't even want to do it in a class setting even if the class isn't in session), I still decline, because people are watching. It's one thing when people are watching, because I just don't feel comfortable engaging in activities such as hugging in front of other people, especially my friends who aren't even getting asked to be hugged, if you know what I'm saying...But that's just the small thing; the bigger thing is the teacher. I am mostly a straight A student in advanced classes, (I'm a freshman taking college courses...by the way, don't think of me as conceited...in fact, I actually have a very low self-esteem...I'm just saying this for the purpose of the content of this thread) but even when I'm in my best class, with the teacher that loves me, I still decline the hug. I think that if I do accept the hug, the teacher will think of me as some "punk"...well, that's not really the right word, but you know what I mean...But what would be even worse is accepting a hug in my worst class...I mean, it's one thing to hug during a class where the teacher likes me...but it would definitely be taboo for me to hug during a class where the teacher DOESN'T like me...And to top it off, my worst class is the one with the oldest teacher, and that's even worse since the older generations tend to be more sexually conservative than today's generaton...Anyone feel the same way as I do, or any advice?
 

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alot of times girls will just ask a guy for a friendly hug...is that the nature of it? ...there's nothing wrong with that i don't think. I think I get your anxiety though...I feel like its awkward if someone tried to hug me in public...i don't know how to respond...specially if i don't want the hug.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yeah, I agree. It's just a friendly hug. In fact, I take back what I said about it being sexual. My point was that hugging shouldn't (or rather, I believe, shouldn't) be something to do in a school setting (even though I still do find hugging awkward in any public situation).
 

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I remember my high school years clearly, I'm 26 now, and hugging hasn't gotten any easier. When I was in HS I was rather eclectic in my social groups and knew a person here and there and drifted person to person over the years, and over the class periods. From time to time girls I knew from a few social groups would come up and put an arm around me, freaked me out to the nth degree.

After some time of panic attacks I just respectfully declined hugs and said "I'm not the touchy, feely type, I'm sorry.", and that was usually met with an apology of their own and a "I didn't know.". It worked out well as they seemed to think I was "deep" because I was kind of a loner and in my later teen years ended up dating a few of the girls that everyone was so interested in back in high school but never had a chance with. :D

Just do what your heart tells you, your head tends to be clouded when in situations like that. If your heart tells you respect your teachers and your elders, and your peers, then do that. If your heart tells you that social interaction regardless of the cost is necessary (sometimes it is), go with that. It's all how you feel about it. Sort the anxiety from the reality and stay on the clear thought path.

-Ben
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the advice. I say similar things like "I'm not the touchy, feely type, I'm sorry."...except I do it in a more awkward way, since I'm not as well-spoken...and the girls don't think I'm "deep"...they just think it's weird...but I will be honest, the girls who do ask me for hugs are in cliques, and they're pretty shallow, so their opinions shouldn't matter...but later it will bother me when an actual girl with integrity asks me for a hug...and I don't think most girls would understand my situation...
 

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Thanks for the advice. I say similar things like "I'm not the touchy, feely type, I'm sorry."...except I do it in a more awkward way, since I'm not as well-spoken...and the girls don't think I'm "deep"...they just think it's weird...but I will be honest, the girls who do ask me for hugs are in cliques, and they're pretty shallow, so their opinions shouldn't matter...but later it will bother me when an actual girl with integrity asks me for a hug...and I don't think most girls would understand my situation...
Nah, the later part of what you said is why they recognized me after the fact and after the bull of high school and engaged me in conversation. I didn't ask them to date me, they asked for my number and got me out of my funk, thought it was cute that I was 20 and awkward.

Give it a few years, things change ALOT from your teens to your mid 20's.
 

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Yeah man, in short, your good, everything is the way it is. Your doing fine. Life isn't necessarily easier as it goes on but you get the hang of the patterns and start to play the cards in your favor. Rather than just stumbling in the dark looking for a light switch, feel your way around, you would be surprised what you can find in life by just letting you guide you through it.
 
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