Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
426 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't want the people in my life to think I'm crazy. On top of being visibly neurodivergent (very severe ADHD and appearing visibly autisitc) and having food aversion, sometimes I have "breaks" with reality. I once told a therapist but she couldn't even diagnose me because she's never heard of such a thing, so I have to try to compare it to other disorders.

Most of the time i appear to have some grip of reality, of course my ADHD makes me appear in a haze. But once every so often, I have an episode in which I believe I can control the universe with my thoughts if I think hard about it. Like, I could make a fire alarm go off, or I could wake up in another body in another universe in an instant. The reason why is during these episodes, I think there's a parallel universe for every single thought possibility, and that I will uncontrollably jump to the one that I'm thinking about. Some of them are quite terrifying. Up until high school I used to believe this consistently but it hasn't happened yet, so now I'm starting to debate if this is real. It is in line with what some would call magical thinking. I describe it as "like schizophrenia without hallucinations" because I can't distinguish what's real or not. I think sometimes my memories are planted in my mind by some other force and aren't really mine. Likewise I think I may be missing memories. Sometimes I think I'm already in the other universes and something is making me imagine everything around me.

Yesterday I saw something kind of scary on TV, and felt myself start to "shift" there like my thoughts were materializing around me, but then after an hour it ended. I was meeting up with my partner and our friends later that night and I was so embarrassed to tell my partner but I did. He seemed a little worried but that he didn't take it totally seriously which I don't blame him for. I wouldn't want a girlfriend with a neurodevelopmental disorder, food aversion, and psychosis but also, I would understand that the person can't help it. I already have enough mental issues and I always get so embarrassed to have to add in another one. People are gonna start thinking im faking for attention but why would i want to come off as neurotic and unhinged? I don't want people to think I'm a lunatic cause most people so not believe in this kind of thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,881 Posts
The times when I lost touch with reality I wasn't actually aware of it until it was over. It is indeed very frightening but for me it wasn't at the time - I felt okay although at first extremely tired. Then I had a period when I didn't sleep for about 4 days and did a lot of very strange things for the next month or two. I got back to Australia after flying all around the world and my psychiatrist (and wife) told me I had bipolar disorder and was manic during that time. It didn't scare me as much then as it does now to be honest because even though I only remember parts of it those parts frighten me. (plus the memory loss itself)

I can't honestly say I know about what you're experiencing but if I were you I'd talk to a good psychiatrist if I could find one.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top