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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I knew therapy was coming to an end anyway, but yesterday I found out that my psychologist is not going to work there anymore. I just felt really awful about it. I feel bad for feeling awful about it. It shouldn't be such a big deal. But I am too attached/dependant. It's a problem, and I hate myself for it. It's just like, now I won't even have the comfort of knowing she's still there.

Also I'm just having a horribly depressed day for some stupid reason. There's too much going on in my life... let's see...

  • I have stupid health fear that I have throat cancer which won't go away
  • I feel anxious all the time, and it seems to take all my energy just to exist
  • I am starting a new job next week and I'm scared out of my head about it
  • I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I am gay
  • I feel lonely and I want a girlfriend, but I don't know how I will ever meet one
So anyway, all that aside, it would be nice if someone came and said "gee, I felt that way and everything turned out fine". I almost wish I never saw the psychologist to start with. Cos it's too hard to finish. I'm so pathetic.
 

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[*]I have stupid health fear that I have throat cancer which won't go away
Me too!! Ever since I heard/saw the anti-smoking ads with the man who lost his voice box so speaks through a hole in his throat and sounds like a robot, I've been terrified by the prospect of meeting a similar fate. I guess one way I've gotten over it has been realizing that millions of people smoke, inhale pretty serious stuff, and are generally unhealthier than me. So if they all don't have throat cancer, then why the heck would I? (Related: If so many idiots I know drive cars, then how hard could that road test be?)

[*]I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I am gay
Congratulations on coming out, if even just to yourself! I know that can be really hard. Too many people aren't brave or otherwise able enough to do that (or get involved in those ridiculous "gay therapy" conversion programs--so sad), and I admire your courage in that regard.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Me too!! Ever since I heard/saw the anti-smoking ads with the man who lost his voice box so speaks through a hole in his throat and sounds like a robot, I've been terrified by the prospect of meeting a similar fate. I guess one way I've gotten over it has been realizing that millions of people smoke, inhale pretty serious stuff, and are generally unhealthier than me. So if they all don't have throat cancer, then why the heck would I? (Related: If so many idiots I know drive cars, then how hard could that road test be?)

Congratulations on coming out, if even just to yourself! I know that can be really hard. Too many people aren't brave or otherwise able enough to do that (or get involved in those ridiculous "gay therapy" conversion programs--so sad), and I admire your courage in that regard.
Lol, and I don't even smoke!! I have worked with people who have had a laryngectomy, so that probably didn't help. Also I just have this lump feeling and my throat feels tight. But that's probably just in my head.

Wow, and I had no idea there were gay converstion programs - that's terrible!

Thanks for your reply :)
 

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Buried at Sea
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My horrifying hypochondria-esque fear that I had throat cancer is what finally helped me quit smoking. I still kind of freak out every time my throat feels tight... like it does right now that I'm thinking about it. Dammit!

I'm sure that coming to terms with your sexuality has only made your feelings more complicated. Try not to put yourself down. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but it seems like you're hanging in there pretty good (at least it does to this random stranger on the internet). :eyes <-- I'm not sure what that represents, but I thought it looked funny, so I put it in.

Have you tried to connect with other GLBT people in your area (either online or in this "real life" I've been hearing about)? There's a youth group that meets in my workplace and they are some really great people and something like that (only closer to your side of the world) may be a great place to find someone who has struggled with similar things and where everything did turn out fine.
 

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So I knew therapy was coming to an end anyway, but yesterday I found out that my psychologist is not going to work there anymore. I just felt really awful about it. I feel bad for feeling awful about it. It shouldn't be such a big deal. But I am too attached/dependant. It's a problem, and I hate myself for it. It's just like, now I won't even have the comfort of knowing she's still there.

Also I'm just having a horribly depressed day for some stupid reason. There's too much going on in my life... let's see...

So anyway, all that aside, it would be nice if someone came and said "gee, I felt that way and everything turned out fine". I almost wish I never saw the psychologist to start with. Cos it's too hard to finish. I'm so pathetic.
Mine quit on me in March.....trying to find a new doctor, who doesn't have a spot available until September 16th. I had to half my medication to even have enough.....only to run out September 8th! I will likely need to go to my regular doctor or a pharmacy to get an emergency dosage of Paxil. :(

I understand. :hug
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
My horrifying hypochondria-esque fear that I had throat cancer is what finally helped me quit smoking. I still kind of freak out every time my throat feels tight... like it does right now that I'm thinking about it. Dammit!

I'm sure that coming to terms with your sexuality has only made your feelings more complicated. Try not to put yourself down. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but it seems like you're hanging in there pretty good (at least it does to this random stranger on the internet). :eyes <-- I'm not sure what that represents, but I thought it looked funny, so I put it in.

Have you tried to connect with other GLBT people in your area (either online or in this "real life" I've been hearing about)? There's a youth group that meets in my workplace and they are some really great people and something like that (only closer to your side of the world) may be a great place to find someone who has struggled with similar things and where everything did turn out fine.
Lol, yes I did like that face :) I have started going to a group re: coming out etc so that should be good, although I have only been once so far. And with the additional SA, I didn't manage to say anything last time.
 

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Awww .... *hugs wuggie*. It's hard right now with all this stuff to deal with. I've been through so much of the same things. I'm always nervous before I start a new job, especially when I was younger and had less experience, and I've had all sorts of worries about my health. When I was really young I couldn't even watch medical shows without getting paranoid. I'd see bacteria on the tv screen and get all worried about germs all around me. I'd work myself up into a panic over nothing.

Hope everything gets better soon. Remember, no matter how scary things may seem you always have the strength to face them. Just gotta dig deep for that strength :).
 

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alien monk
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I really really hope you don't get throat cancer! Sorry you are losing your therapist after finding a good one, maybe your next one will be just as good. And good luck with finding a gf. It must be a bit scary 'coming out' but it is a positive step towards expressing who you are :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks everyone :) Feeling slightly better now. I'm not clever enough to do that multi-quoting thing, so I'll just reply vaguely to everyone... Uh, yep no doubt I will surivive, thanks for the votes of confidence :D And no, I will not find a new therapist. This is it. I couldn't face seeing a different one. Also, I should really stop going - the longer I go, the harder it will be to stop.
 

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Your Assumptions
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Your reactions to leaving therapy and to your circumstances seem normal to me.

[*]I have stupid health fear that I have throat cancer which won't go away
I dealt with this for years; if you ever want some advice on how to overcome the anxiety, feel free to PM me.

[*]I feel anxious all the time, and it seems to take all my energy just to exist
I live with this every day.

[*]I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I am gay
I have issues in this area too.

I hope you enjoy your new job.
 
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