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Little Winged One
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Discussion Starter #1
Lately I've been attempting to have a better attitude/outlook.- I have been trying to access the parts of my nature that are more positive-You know-the whole,"people are as happy as they make up there minds to be"-philosphy. I've been initiating conversations,not just suffering thru them.- Smiling and looking people in the eye-not pretending great interest in the rock on the ground. Making friendly comments about their dogs,kids,etc.etc. All with the hope that this better human being with the sunny personality is who I truely am or could become.- It's starting to wear me down - it just feels like another burden. Maybe denying my truer nature is not the way to go.- Maybe I'm supposed to be the one that's outside of the pack,the one that does'nt talk,the one that's not the friendlest person around. The happy,happy,happy stuff is feeling more and more like a constraint - can anybody relate to this? Maybe for some of us the happy,happy stuff is unnatural. Are we just beating ourselves up,when maybe we should learn to make friends with the beast. What do you think??
 

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Congratulations on attempting to have a better attitude/outlook! That is so important since our thoughts create our reality. You said that you are making friendly comments to others, but what are you saying to yourself? Are you being supportive and encouraging to YOU? What we believe about ourselves is what we will become. And what we think determines how we feel. This is incredibly empowering, but it is also very scary since I am always my own worst enemy. Changing the way you think about things is extremely difficult…old habits die hard. I'm trying to work on "keeping the beast at bay" myself. It has not been easy. Sometimes I do better than others. It's hard work…but it is worth it, I think. Don't give up. You deserve happiness and the good things in life.

>>not pretending great interest in the rock on the ground<<
LOL Been there, done that!
 

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Little Winged One
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Discussion Starter #3
I just wonder if it's a little bit ridiculous to assume that everyone's basic nature should be cheery and happy.- I'm not suggesting that people with severe depression or extreme antisocial issues should'nt attempt to change.- I'm not advocating building bombs in the basement.- But,look at someone like Abraham Lincoln-he would have zero chance of becoming President in this day and age.-He was somber,introspective,prone to depression - not a super friendly,people pleasing sort. He was one of our finest presidents- but all that would be seen today is what was lacking.
 

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I've been wondering lately if I'd be happier if I didn't believe that I could change. It's academic for me, because I believe that I can at least change the way I view my situation, and I tend to believe that I can improve my situation itself. I sometimes suspect that the cost (effort, exhaustion, increased anxiety at times) really cuts into the possible benefits, which may be what you're experiencing.

Even though I believe I can change my attitude and probably my behavior, if "becomong" something different didn't constantly tempt me, would I be better able to just "be"?
 

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Little Winged One
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Discussion Starter #5
Well,it's the old chicken or the egg cunundrum- Is my lack of success in the social realm due to a natural and "normal" somewhat antisocial personality type? Or is my personality type somewhat of a learned behaviour, from my social failings? Why is there only one healthy normal? Is accepting yourself in this regard always giving up or giving in? Or can it be a triumph of sorts?
 

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I've accepted myself to some degree, and actually have felt some easing of my anxiety with that acceptance. I used to be very down on myself, which didn't help at all. Certain circumstances and situations I believe will always bring on full blown panic, and that's going to have to be okay because that's the way it is. I've found that, though I'm no social butterfly for sure, I do enjoy conversing with certain people, and rather than quickly running in the house if they're out, I'll cross the street to talk to them or go out of my way to say hello. I've kind of trained myself not to turn and run from the people that I feel at least some degree of safe with. I guess what I'm saying is I don't try to be something I'm not, but I do make a conscious effort (at least on good days) to be the best that I'm capable of being. Avoiding people can become habitual, but it's terribly lonely, and I remind myself, that in fact people need me too. They get lonely as well, whether they have SA or not. People aren't as connected today as they once were. I'm not comfortable in groups, and I've never been able to fake anything so I avoid situations when possible that call for being anything close to pretentious, but in little ways I make an effort to go against my natural instinct, and take a chance with people who are likely to reward me with acceptance. I guess it's a combination of accepting having social anxiety and that I will always have some difficulties because of it, yet not using it as an excuse to avoid that which I am capable of just because it's a bit awkward for me. Not sure if that made any kind of sense at all. :O}
 

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Reading your post sounded like something I would have typed word for word back in the day (Well not too far in the past)! But I have come to realize that you cannot be someone you are not. The only way I have been able to conquer my social anxiety has been accepting me for me and realizing that I can't allow other people to have an influence on me. I guess I feel I have surpassed the whole idea of social anxiety because I realized the people that were causing this social anxiety weren't really worth it at all, they aren't worth the hardships. The funny thing is that after I started realizing all of this, talking to people wasn't hard anymore. Because no matter what I said to the other person, I really didn't care about what they thought about it, only what I thought and its helped me become who I am today!
 

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Well,it's the old chicken or the egg cunundrum- Is my lack of success in the social realm due to a natural and "normal" somewhat antisocial personality type? Or is my personality type somewhat of a learned behaviour, from my social failings? Why is there only one healthy normal? Is accepting yourself in this regard always giving up or giving in? Or can it be a triumph of sorts?
Oh my god, you took the words out of my mouth-it's such a complicated thing for me to explain, but what u just said is how i feel sometimes
like-am i antisocial because thats just who i am, or am i antisocial because of the sa-i mean its defineitly a byproduct, but is that who ive become?....like is the sa just making me feel uncomfortable about being antisocial.....or sometimes, i'll be in a situation where i want to talk back or say something bold and i don't and i wonder if thats proof that i am this antisocial type of girl and the sa is keeping this fear in me that wont let me say bold things like that, because the reason i dont say these things is because i feel like i may be viewed as rude or something bad...but then i hear other people talk back or whtever and they dont seem to feel guilty/bad about what they say so......like, i wonder if i just said one bold thing, if taht would be the real me, and that would be the person that others gravitate to
I go back and forth because i feel like im lots of things ....i dont know.....like i said, you said it better than i ever could
 
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