Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
(/・・)ノ 
Joined
·
1,840 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Yeah, it's not good.

I am (or I guess was) a media production major. Today we had a shooting lab with the entire class working together to make a film. I had been dreading this for weeks because I lock up in groups. In the days leading up to the project, I noticed the group being wary of me which always happens because of my quietness. The professor himself and another student had already verbalized that I was being too quiet.

I tried to power through the anxiety, but every time I managed to speak, I was mumbling and quiet. My heart was ripping through my chest, especially since everyone else was being so sociable with each other. Even the socially inept, annoying guy always had things to say.

During lab, my eyes were darting from my backpack to the door then back to the script in my hands. I could feel myself losing it and panic setting in. I haven't had a public panic attack in years, but I recognized the warning signs. I didn't know how to help the group out and locked up. Eventually, I pretended to carry my backpack out into the hallway and bolted out of there.

It's a deathblow to my major. I mean, one of the actors in our shoot was the professor himself so he obviously knew.

When I got home, he had already sent me an e-mail with the subject line "where are you???" I wrote back that it was not his fault or any of the students, but I was withdrawing from the class. I also wished them well on the project.

So dropping that class sends me down to part time, which means I lose loan support. I had to call my mom and explain, and now I'm scheduled to see my old shrink, who will definitely encourage me to go back on medication.

The cherry on top is that my younger sister (at the same university as me) had a very real panic attack a week ago and dropped her architecture major. Now I look like a copycat. Truth is, her dropping her major was a factor in my instability. My sister is supposed to be the golden child of the family, the one that doesn't **** up. After that, eyes were on me to "keep the family honor" and what do I do just a week later?

So much disappointment. In myself, from my parents (though they won't say it), from all my relatives I'll have to explain this to.

I don't want this thread to be a giant pity party, so there is something I could use help on. What sort of majors are good for solitary sort of folk? I'm good with formal interaction and very small groups so it doesn't have to be 100% solitary. Unfortunately, I'm also terrible at math, strong in the languages though. Should I ignore my weak math background and try a science? Maybe a literature professor? Hm :/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,013 Posts
I would just keep at it man, especially if that is really what you're interested in. I was an IT student at one of the best tech schools in the country and even though I went through hell in groups and in front of class, even though I failed every single class one semester and had to take a "medical leave of absence", even though it took me almost 6 years to graduate from that place.....I did it....and I am all the better for it. Good job, more confident, bla bla bla. I know how it feels to disappoint the parents time and time again, but I also know how it feels to finally show them you got what it takes.
 

·
(/・・)ノ 
Joined
·
1,840 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Try it again?

I dunno.. I've so thoroughly trashed my image to the media faculty there on several occasions. It would probably be better to pursue it on my own at this point. I have a working knowledge of video/audio production.. I don't need to fester in a university setting when I could dive into the real world. I already do part time work with a friend who pays 15/hour. Convincing him to hire me officially would probably have me learning more than staying in this unimpressive university program.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
198 Posts
I had to do a presentation once for high school that I knew I couldn't do. Before class that day I talked to her and told her I have social anxiety. She understood completely and gave me full credit. I felt ashamed before, but it felt satisfying to tell someone about it. If you really enjoy that major, I recommend at least telling your professors about it. If they don't understand, so be it. But you have to at least try.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,810 Posts
You're 21 years old. I dropped out of at least 4 different university programs and had piled about ~$100,000 in student loans, largely because of anxiety issues and the panic attacks you mention. I managed to finally succeed well into my 30s after many, many failures. There's still plenty of time and then even when you get there, it ain't that great either than paying the bills and stuff. Plus all the screw-ups and failures made me learn a lot of stuff, I think. In many ways, I'm glad I messed up because it opened other doors that wouldn't have been open had I not had anxiety issues, I think.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top