Anyone here overcome SA? I'm curious as to how you did it. Any insights or things that have dramatically changed your views or passive position on life? How has SA made you a stronger person today? Also, how do you view yourself now and what do you say to yourself when you face adversity?
post-SAers share some insight
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id have to believe that if anyone truly overcome SA that they wouldnt be frequenting this board too much...
a girl i know said that effexor/klonopin has literally saver her life in regards to anxiety/despression...this was a few uyears back...not sure how she is doing now..
a girl i know said that effexor/klonopin has literally saver her life in regards to anxiety/despression...this was a few uyears back...not sure how she is doing now..
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Get the book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns. It changed my life.
Hi,
I just wrote a post recently to tell everyone that I successfully overcame SA (for the most part anyway, I don't think it's possible to be totally free from it but I can go about my life with very little interference now). I did CBT which I give all the credit to my getting better. It changed the way I look at things and what I say to myself about situations that used to make me anxious. The therapy taught me how to deal with situations in the future that make me anxious so whenever I get anxious now, I remember what I was taught in therapy and it helps me get through it. The therapy I had is actually online so anyone can do it (it's www.anxiety-online.org, if you're interested).
Good luck!
I just wrote a post recently to tell everyone that I successfully overcame SA (for the most part anyway, I don't think it's possible to be totally free from it but I can go about my life with very little interference now). I did CBT which I give all the credit to my getting better. It changed the way I look at things and what I say to myself about situations that used to make me anxious. The therapy taught me how to deal with situations in the future that make me anxious so whenever I get anxious now, I remember what I was taught in therapy and it helps me get through it. The therapy I had is actually online so anyone can do it (it's www.anxiety-online.org, if you're interested).
Good luck!
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I'll over come it from time to time, and will never think of returning to this forum, but then it will all come back and it sucks and I'm back here in the frustration forum or something
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i love the limited amount of responses on this topic
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I'm mostly here for the chat now. Which is why I come and go. If another site (not always an sa site) has a busier chat I'm probably there instead. It's hard to find good chat rooms though that have people in them frequently without being full of junk and getting out of control. There used to be a time I could understand and relate to every post on here. I'm finding it hard now to remember why those things were so difficult or why they mattered.
It's not really possible to completely overcome SA. I guess I should say for most. Most with SA already do have a shy or at least less extroverted personality. Most. Part of the problem I know lots of people face with coming back onto the forum after mostly getting rid of SA is trying to explain to others how it happened. Each person is unique and will respond to each treatment differently and "curing" them will result in a different level of functioning and a different life than someone else. Therapy will work great for some. Meds will work great for others. Some will have to figure it out on their own because neither is helpful.
For me therapy just made things worse. It was a bunch of people, books, tapes, etc... telling me how to think and feel and a bunch of stuff I already knew. I'm stubborn and I don't want to be told what I should or should not do. My boyfriend will tell how bad I am at doing what I should instead of what I want. So getting rid of my SA mostly came down to doing what I want and ignoring what I should or shouldn't do. The stubborn side of me said I was just going to quit stressing over it and only do what I want to do. If I don't want to do something I won't do it or worry about doing it. Instead of making myself go out and do the things I couldn't because of SA (basically instead of following the exercises every psychiatrist, book, tape, etc... said) I did what I wanted to do. I only stressed over the things I wanted to accomplish and told everyone who was saying what I should do to go to hell. A little xanax helped to. Especially when I started martial arts classes which is something I'd always wanted to do. That was really hard but instead of thinking what everyone told me to think like telling myself things would go fine and that people weren't actually thinking bad things about me I told myself I could always go somewhere else if I made a mistake. So long as I told myself I could walk away whenever I wanted, never see these people again, and therefore their opinions didn't matter I could keep going to class until I found it really didn't matter what they thought and they really didn't think anything badly of me. I am never going to start a conversation with some stranger.
I am never going to be happy answering a phone number I don't know. I am never going to be amazing at conversation or carry on extended small talk with someone I don't know well. I really don't care. That's part of my personality and I didn't want those things anyway. Everyone else said I should be able to do them. Well I'm not going to unless some day I decide I have a need and desire to. I'm no longer really anxious over any of those things I'm more avoidant now. I never liked doing them so I just won't whether I'm feeling anxiety or not.
The 2nd difficult part I've seen of trying to explain to someone with SA how you overcame it is that there is no good way to put the type of thinking and actions into words. All those seemingly stupid and weak comments like "just be yourself" and "think positive" really are true. They only seem weak because doing it is sooooo much more complicated than the short little sentence of advice someone tossed you. Before you get frustrated at the next person that tries to give you such advice remember that probably is the way they think and it is true even if it isn't that easy.
It's not really possible to completely overcome SA. I guess I should say for most. Most with SA already do have a shy or at least less extroverted personality. Most. Part of the problem I know lots of people face with coming back onto the forum after mostly getting rid of SA is trying to explain to others how it happened. Each person is unique and will respond to each treatment differently and "curing" them will result in a different level of functioning and a different life than someone else. Therapy will work great for some. Meds will work great for others. Some will have to figure it out on their own because neither is helpful.
For me therapy just made things worse. It was a bunch of people, books, tapes, etc... telling me how to think and feel and a bunch of stuff I already knew. I'm stubborn and I don't want to be told what I should or should not do. My boyfriend will tell how bad I am at doing what I should instead of what I want. So getting rid of my SA mostly came down to doing what I want and ignoring what I should or shouldn't do. The stubborn side of me said I was just going to quit stressing over it and only do what I want to do. If I don't want to do something I won't do it or worry about doing it. Instead of making myself go out and do the things I couldn't because of SA (basically instead of following the exercises every psychiatrist, book, tape, etc... said) I did what I wanted to do. I only stressed over the things I wanted to accomplish and told everyone who was saying what I should do to go to hell. A little xanax helped to. Especially when I started martial arts classes which is something I'd always wanted to do. That was really hard but instead of thinking what everyone told me to think like telling myself things would go fine and that people weren't actually thinking bad things about me I told myself I could always go somewhere else if I made a mistake. So long as I told myself I could walk away whenever I wanted, never see these people again, and therefore their opinions didn't matter I could keep going to class until I found it really didn't matter what they thought and they really didn't think anything badly of me. I am never going to start a conversation with some stranger.
I am never going to be happy answering a phone number I don't know. I am never going to be amazing at conversation or carry on extended small talk with someone I don't know well. I really don't care. That's part of my personality and I didn't want those things anyway. Everyone else said I should be able to do them. Well I'm not going to unless some day I decide I have a need and desire to. I'm no longer really anxious over any of those things I'm more avoidant now. I never liked doing them so I just won't whether I'm feeling anxiety or not.
The 2nd difficult part I've seen of trying to explain to someone with SA how you overcame it is that there is no good way to put the type of thinking and actions into words. All those seemingly stupid and weak comments like "just be yourself" and "think positive" really are true. They only seem weak because doing it is sooooo much more complicated than the short little sentence of advice someone tossed you. Before you get frustrated at the next person that tries to give you such advice remember that probably is the way they think and it is true even if it isn't that easy.
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Akane has a legitimate point about how everyone is different and what may work for some people may not work for others. It's important, though, to not give up hope. I believe actually "curing", yes curing SA can be possible. I have not yet cured myself from this damn burden but I am getting closer everyday. I mainly believe it's possible because there are several people I have come into contact with that have, in their words, totally cured themselves from SA. How they did it was mainly through the use of CBT. I would recommend the Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns and the Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook. Also, I have found that finding a therapy group where you can get social contact in an environment where you don't have to hide your SA and you can be open about your emotions. Not to mention, the support you will get from your group. In the past 3 months I have improved my SA by leaps and bounds using these techniques. I studied the CBT method very closely and vigorously and came to the conclusion that it made sense and was something I could really believe in. Then, I used what I learned consistently. I had to constantly work with my mind and my irrational beliefs and believe me it takes a lot of work and it can sap your mental energy at times. It's almost like you have to climb Mt. Everest or something before you can cure yourself from a lifetime of destructive habits you created that is causing your SA. But, if you are 100% willing and determined to end this I believe it can be done. It may take as little as 6 months to a year but if you commit yourself to a mind-wrenching regimen of disputing your thoughts and taking a different mindset through many exposure exercises, it can be done. This is only one man's opinion and I respect those who disagree. But, it's important, I think, to keep in mind that there is hope and not to give up.
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:agree completely
I overcame my SA basically by reading every David Burns book written and doing all the relevant exercises he suggested. A lot of the things he had me do changed my beliefs and attitudes about everything in life. I no longer believe I am inferior to others, I no longer depend on other people's approval for my self-esteem. When I am feeling down, I do not stay that way for long anymore.
It is hard to explain though, exactly how this happened. I did a lot with realizing all the distortions in my mind that cause negative thoughts. Once I realized all my negative thoughts were so distorted, they held so much less power over me. I also did a lot of exercises listing the advantages and disadvantages of holding certain beliefs about the world such as "I need other people's approval to be happy". I realized that the disadvantages of believing these things greatly outnumbered the advantages.
It is also hard to explain the transformation that took place in my mind once these terrible beliefs were out of my mind. For once, I felt truly happy and knew there was so much hope for the future. I also know that these new beliefs about myself and the world are here to stay- because when I am feeling down, I know exactly what to say to pick myself back up again.
I can't really say, based on my own experience, how someone else can overcome SA. For some people, SA might just be a phase they go through and can just overcome by getting out there and talking to people. Other people might need medication and years of therapy. You will never know what will work for you ,however, unless you try something.
It took me many trys to overcome SA- many books, therapists, etc. until I found the way that worked for me. I never gave up though. I know that if you want something bad enough, you can find a way for it to happen.
Something else I have been learning in my recovery from SA is that if you believe in yourself, you can accomplish anything. I used to never believe in myself. I used to hate the person I was. I don't hate myself anymore (I know I have too many good qualities for that), and I know that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. You can too.
I'm telling you what worked for me. This advice might make it easier to find out what works for you, or something completely different might work for you. Never give up trying and I wish you the best of luck in life
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I'm not "cured", but I have come a LONG way since when I joined this board hm.. 4 years ago? Really? Anyway, I did it with exercise and surrounding myself with positivity. The exercise made me feel so great about my body and appearance (an insecurity I've always had) and that gave me confidence to get out into the world. Focusing on the negative things all the time can really wear you down, I think. So I simply don't think that way anymore. I surround myself with happy people and it rubs off on me. If I am in an anxious situation at work with a customer, I just think the entire time how right after the customer leaves I'm going to rush over to my best friend and we're going to laugh about it. CONFIDENCE is obviously key to overcoming SA, so you have to find how you can get that. What has this new thinking done for me?
-Job promotion with huge raise
-Great friends
-A semi-kind-of-half-boyfriend guy (and not long distance)
-Loving my appearance and personal self
-Actually WANTING to leave my room and go into the world
It's one step at a time, all of this didn't happen overnight. Make the conscious decision to ATTEMPT change and not to avoid, and things will happen.
-Job promotion with huge raise
-Great friends
-A semi-kind-of-half-boyfriend guy (and not long distance)
-Loving my appearance and personal self
-Actually WANTING to leave my room and go into the world
It's one step at a time, all of this didn't happen overnight. Make the conscious decision to ATTEMPT change and not to avoid, and things will happen.
I believe there really isn't any magic to conquering SA. You just have to realize that
(a) people aren't judging you NEARLY as much as you think they are, and
(b) even if they are judging you, YOUR thoughts and feelings are way more important anyways.
So simple, right? But unfortunately we've learned through years of bad habits and experiences to think otherwise - to think repetitive, negative, unnecessary thoughts. We've learned to stop believing in ourselves.
Like many people, I haven't overcome it 100%, but I have made a lot of progress since I started seeing a therapist last Fall. My anxiety is probably 25% of what it was at my lowest point. Here's my advice, for whatever it's worth:
- Stop blaming yourself for your SA. No, it's not easy to overcome, and you're not alone (as is obvious by the popularity of this forum). In a way, SA is a positive: it means you're sensitive, caring, observant, and probably a damn good listener. People that aren't big talkers are usually good listeners.
- Get help from people you can trust. This could be family, friends, a therapist, or all of the above. But SA is difficult if not impossible to overcome completely on your own. You have to learn to trust people.
- Be patient with yourself, but stay committed to challenging your fears. Exposure is double-edged. You need to push yourself beyond your comfort zone (to ultimately expand the comfort zone), but doing so is naturally scary. Accept failures as temporary setbacks, and remember that, for example, "showing up" at a party is a victory against SA even if you were terrified and couldn't say a word the whole time.
- Realize that other people have problems too. If it wasn't SA, it would be something else. Nobody is perfect, and nobody's problems are really that special. Everybody has **** to deal with. In this regard, you are NOT a special sunflower.
- Seek out new experiences. Life is too short to spend hiding away in fear. Oh, and the cute guy/girl you're scared of but want to talk to? Ask them out. It took me 22 years to get the courage to start dating and telling girls how I really felt about them. And I would never know unless I experienced it - Honesty is always attractive.
- Realize that no one can tell you what to do. It's a cliche but it's true. If anyone else tries to tell you how you SHOULD be living your life, they're probably selling you something. The answers are not "out there", they're in you. Everyone has an internal compass, an inner guide. Maybe you just haven't learned to listen to it.
(a) people aren't judging you NEARLY as much as you think they are, and
(b) even if they are judging you, YOUR thoughts and feelings are way more important anyways.
So simple, right? But unfortunately we've learned through years of bad habits and experiences to think otherwise - to think repetitive, negative, unnecessary thoughts. We've learned to stop believing in ourselves.
Like many people, I haven't overcome it 100%, but I have made a lot of progress since I started seeing a therapist last Fall. My anxiety is probably 25% of what it was at my lowest point. Here's my advice, for whatever it's worth:
- Stop blaming yourself for your SA. No, it's not easy to overcome, and you're not alone (as is obvious by the popularity of this forum). In a way, SA is a positive: it means you're sensitive, caring, observant, and probably a damn good listener. People that aren't big talkers are usually good listeners.
- Get help from people you can trust. This could be family, friends, a therapist, or all of the above. But SA is difficult if not impossible to overcome completely on your own. You have to learn to trust people.
- Be patient with yourself, but stay committed to challenging your fears. Exposure is double-edged. You need to push yourself beyond your comfort zone (to ultimately expand the comfort zone), but doing so is naturally scary. Accept failures as temporary setbacks, and remember that, for example, "showing up" at a party is a victory against SA even if you were terrified and couldn't say a word the whole time.
- Realize that other people have problems too. If it wasn't SA, it would be something else. Nobody is perfect, and nobody's problems are really that special. Everybody has **** to deal with. In this regard, you are NOT a special sunflower.
- Seek out new experiences. Life is too short to spend hiding away in fear. Oh, and the cute guy/girl you're scared of but want to talk to? Ask them out. It took me 22 years to get the courage to start dating and telling girls how I really felt about them. And I would never know unless I experienced it - Honesty is always attractive.
- Realize that no one can tell you what to do. It's a cliche but it's true. If anyone else tries to tell you how you SHOULD be living your life, they're probably selling you something. The answers are not "out there", they're in you. Everyone has an internal compass, an inner guide. Maybe you just haven't learned to listen to it.
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This is a fantastic thread.
What I get from reading through all these is that the basic issue is our thinking: change the thinking to change the experience.
Thanks for the Feeling Good and other referrals, I should check out that book.
For myself I can only say that part of my improvement has been through accepting myself as I am, and for me that's meant in a panic moment, when I'm afraid of looking a fool, to surrender and accept and love myself, and that has been a big help to me feeling more "OK."
The other thought that comes to my mind this weekend that is helpful, is that it seems every one of us, SA or not, feels alone and not quite belonging to the group. Everyone. Even people who seem chatty and the most popular, feel insecurity, it seems.
What I get from reading through all these is that the basic issue is our thinking: change the thinking to change the experience.
Thanks for the Feeling Good and other referrals, I should check out that book.
For myself I can only say that part of my improvement has been through accepting myself as I am, and for me that's meant in a panic moment, when I'm afraid of looking a fool, to surrender and accept and love myself, and that has been a big help to me feeling more "OK."
The other thought that comes to my mind this weekend that is helpful, is that it seems every one of us, SA or not, feels alone and not quite belonging to the group. Everyone. Even people who seem chatty and the most popular, feel insecurity, it seems.
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I'm totally over it. Emotional health is no different from physical health. Emotional health begins at the cellular level. Eat wisely. Read about emotional health ravenously.
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