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Yet another study which verify the obvious:

People with over-sized egos love telling themselves how good they are, and people with low self-esteem find telling themselves obvious lies only remind themselves of what they are missing.

"It appears that positive self-statements, despite their widespread endorsement, may backfire for the very people who need them the most," she said.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article6633300.ece

The point is it is better to actually focus on something that WORKS for YOU, rather than jump on the latest fad. And what may work for someone without SA ie. someone who already have high self-esteem, may not necessarily work for someone with SA and low self esteem.
 

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Albert Ellis in his book "A guide to rational living" and "how to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about anything yes anything" talks about this. Those are his two most popular books. How realistic positive thinking works, but he doesn't like positive thinking in general because that could be unrealistic. That kind of positive thinking is a lot like negative thinking in which you are assuming things that can't be proven or are an exaggerated generalization

Examples of negative thinking

I won't get that job
I will lose
Everyone hates me

Examples of bad positive thinking are

I will get that job
I will be first and win
Everyone loves me

This is bad because you are willing things you have no control over. Unless you have had a psychic premonition it doesn't make sense.

Good positive thinking or realistic thinking examples

I will get a job if I keep trying and improving myself
I will try my best and enjoy the race, I might come in near the top because I know how I have trained in comparision to the other level of runners in this type of race
I am likeable because I am polite, kind, thoughtful, humorous.

Realistic positive thinking is based more on your action and it is conditional and more specific to your situation, rather then the focus being on an outcome that is without any condition and without any real basis of belief.

But when people use the term in everyday conversation, positive thinking, I assume they mean realistic positive thinking and give them the benefit of the doubt. Unless they actually give an example that shows that they are not but even then I assume they are trying to help me and not harm. I am reminded of to use what I know when I hear anyone say those words. The newage movement unfortunately has put out a lot of books that were not too realistic or helpful. Some people have read some bad books that have had them associate all positive thinking with things like "I am in perfect health" "I am free of all debt".
 

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Yet another study which verify the obvious:

People with over-sized egos love telling themselves how good they are, and people with low self-esteem find telling themselves obvious lies only remind themselves of what they are missing.

"It appears that positive self-statements, despite their widespread endorsement, may backfire for the very people who need them the most," she said.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article6633300.ece

The point is it is better to actually focus on something that WORKS for YOU, rather than jump on the latest fad. And what may work for someone without SA ie. someone who already have high self-esteem, may not necessarily work for someone with SA and low self esteem.
i dont agree with this cos peoplewih versized ego's NEVER tell them themselves how good they are. the reason they have an over sized ego is cos they never tell themselves how good they are

people aways say stuff like '' he loves himselve'' about show offs or people with over sized ego's

now ive never understood that '' he loves himselve'' statement cos show offs and people with oer sized ego's are that way cos they hae themselves (the complete opposite of loving themsleves ''

just as a show off or over sized ego person is PERCIEVED to love themselves i think that they are also PERCIEVED to have over sized ego's.

i dont think they actually have an over sized ego. i think it just looks that way. in truth their opinion of themselves is very small and insignificant
 

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I think probably it's another case of people who have no experience with a certain problem giving advice to others as to how to overcome that problem... repeating various untrue things to yourself doesn't make them true or make you believe them. It might work for a small subset of people who aren't inclined to be very rational, but I think too much and I know when I'm telling myself things I don't believe.

It also makes you look a bit egotistical if you say it out loud... I had this former friend who used to say all sorts of things about how she was wonderful and beautiful and awesome and everyone should just love her and saying such things about herself simply meant that she had self-confidence. I was always torn between thinking she was desperately trying to convince herself she really thought those things, and thinking she was a raving narcissist who actually did think those things.

It kind of reminds me of the people who think you can consciously decide to be happy (or not) about something.
 

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Yet another study which verify the obvious:

People with over-sized egos love telling themselves how good they are, and people with low self-esteem find telling themselves obvious lies only remind themselves of what they are missing.

"It appears that positive self-statements, despite their widespread endorsement, may backfire for the very people who need them the most," she said.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article6633300.ece

The point is it is better to actually focus on something that WORKS for YOU, rather than jump on the latest fad. And what may work for someone without SA ie. someone who already have high self-esteem, may not necessarily work for someone with SA and low self esteem.
I agree! I read that saying positive things about oneself and thinking positive about oneself doesn't guarantee healthy or high self-esteem. That is what most people seem to believe though. I know plenty of people who talk and act like they're all that (maybe to convince others) and then you can tell and you can sense that they're completely insecure.
 

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Albert Ellis in his book "A guide to rational living" and "how to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about anything yes anything" talks about this. Those are his two most popular books. How realistic positive thinking works, but he doesn't like positive thinking in general because that could be unrealistic. That kind of positive thinking is a lot like negative thinking in which you are assuming things that can't be proven or are an exaggerated generalization

Examples of negative thinking

I won't get that job
I will lose
Everyone hates me

Examples of bad positive thinking are

I will get that job
I will be first and win
Everyone loves me

This is bad because you are willing things you have no control over. Unless you have had a psychic premonition it doesn't make sense.

Good positive thinking or realistic thinking examples

I will get a job if I keep trying and improving myself
I will try my best and enjoy the race, I might come in near the top because I know how I have trained in comparision to the other level of runners in this type of race
I am likeable because I am polite, kind, thoughtful, humorous.

Realistic positive thinking is based more on your action and it is conditional and more specific to your situation, rather then the focus being on an outcome that is without any condition and without any real basis of belief.

But when people use the term in everyday conversation, positive thinking, I assume they mean realistic positive thinking and give them the benefit of the doubt. Unless they actually give an example that shows that they are not but even then I assume they are trying to help me and not harm. I am reminded of to use what I know when I hear anyone say those words. The newage movement unfortunately has put out a lot of books that were not too realistic or helpful. Some people have read some bad books that have had them associate all positive thinking with things like "I am in perfect health" "I am free of all debt".
thanks. I think I'm going to order those books. They can be found on
Amazon.com?
 
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