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finally someone has come out and explained it all!



World Ideologies as Explained by Reference to COWS!

*/"If it can not be described metaphorically using cows, then it can
not exist."/*
-Geoff Johnson

*FEUDALISM*
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

*PURE SOCIALISM*
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn
with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows.
The government gives you a glass of milk.

*BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM*
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care
of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The
government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you
should need.

*FASCISM*
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care
of them, and sells you the milk.

*PURE COMMUNISM*
You share two cows with your neighbours. You and your neighbours
bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".
Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop
dead of starvation.

*RUSSIAN COMMUNISM*
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell
it on the black market.

*PERESTROIKA*
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell
it on the "free" market.

*CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM*
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

*DICTATORSHIP*
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

*COLOMBIAN GOVERNMENT*
You have two cows. The government thinks one is smuggling drugs and
it is shot. The other cow actually was smuggling drugs.

*PURE DEMOCRACY*
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

*REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY*
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets
the milk.

*MONARCHY*
You have two cows. The government takes one of them. If they are
wise, they'll let you keep the other, if not, you start a revolution.

*CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY*
You have two cows. This piece of paper says that the government can
only take one of your cows, and revolutions are less violent.

*SPANISH MONARCHY*
You have two cows. The government takes the milk from one cow, and
your other cow gives birth to a bull which you throw into an arena
with a guy carrying a cape and sword.

*FIGUREHEAD MONARCHY*
You have two cows. There's this person who doesn't have any control
over your cows, but the government makes you give them milk anyway.

*PARLIAMENTARY SYSTEM*
You have two cows. A large group of people who have probably never
raised cows themselves control how you raise your cows and how much
milk the government can take.

*AMERICAN COLONIAL GOVERNMENT*
You have two cows. the state government takes one, the British
government takes one and you owe another for taxes, and the church
gets all the milk.

*BUREAUCRACY*
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can
feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the
milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.

*CAPITALISM*
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy
cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

*PURE ANARCHY*
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbours try to take the cows and kill you.

*ANARCHO-CAPITALISM*
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

*SURREALISM*
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.

*OLYMPICS-ISM*
You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of
trilling violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh
narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony
of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then
mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a
tyrannical farmer and watched its parents butchered before its eyes.
The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder
in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million dollar contract to
endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot
by Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears about it.
McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing
restaurant.

*HINDU SOCIETY*
You have two cows. You use them to do labour, provide milk, etc.
until they no longer can, and then you worship them.

*SPANISH SOCIETY*
You have two cows. As people speak different languages in different
regions, you are not able to easily sell your cows. There is a guy
that has little power over your cows who you give milk, although as
much as 10% of the population is without milk or cows. The
government regulates what you can do with your cows, until a
government building is bombed and you must get new government
officials, who change these regulations. If your cows do not produce
champion bulls, the field in which you graze it in will be used as a
soccer field.

*PARISIAN SOCIETY*
You have two cows. They are shared by others in the city who ride
around on them underground as well. The federal government is trying
to limit it to one cow, but nobody wants that to happen.

*NEW YORK SOCIETY*
You have two cows. You throw one out in the street to get a cab to
stop. The other cow gets stabbed before it can get into the cab. The
cab driver yells something in a language you can not understand, and
you are left on the curb with two dead cows.

*MARXISM*
You have two cows. One of your cows doesn't work and exploits the
other cow which works. This is the way it has always been throughout
history.

*SOCIAL DARWINISM*
You have two cows. One of your cows produces milk in great
quantities so you keep it. The other cow does not, but you get a
leather coat and some hamburger out of it.

*ATHEISM*
Cows do not exist.

*AGNOSTICISM*
You aren't sure if cows exist or not.

*JUDAISM*
You have one cow, it is the only cow, it will have a calf sometime
in the future.

*CHRISTIANITY (GENERAL)*
You have one cow, it is the only cow, and it had a calf about 2,000
years ago.

*CATHOLICISM*
You have one cow, it is the only cow, it had a calf about 2,000
years ago, a guy in a white hat tells you what your cow wants, and
you must give 10% of the milk to the church.

*MISSOURI SYNOD*
You have one cow, it is the only cow, it had a calf about 2,000
years ago, you are the only ones who can raise the cow properly, and
all other people (and their cows) are going to the really hot
slaughterhouse underground.

*JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES*
You have one cow, it is the only cow, it had a calf about 2,000
years ago, and you should go door to door trying to get other people
to drink your cow's

*UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISM*
You have two cows. Other people also have cows. Even though other
people's cows may be different from your own, your cows are not any
better than theirs and you should learn about the cows of others.

*CHRISTO-WICCA*
You have two cows, who had a calf about 2,000 years ago. ches.

*REBELLION*
You have two cows, as does everyone else. You trade your cows in for
anteaters to be different.

*MATHEMATICS*
You have a+b^3 cows. 0

*CREATIONISM*
You have no cows. God creates two cows. You have two cows.

*BIG BANG THEORY*
You have no cows. Billions of dust particles collide. BANG! You have
two cows.

*DARWINISM*
You have two cows. One is not fit to survive and dies. The other one
is fit and survives to breed.

*EVOLUTION*
You have two cows. Both cows are very distant cousins of yours.

*PARANOIA*
Two cows are watching you.

*CONSPIRACY THEORY*
What the government calls cows, you call aliens.

*REPRESSION*
You have two cows, while the government makes everyone else has more.

*ANTI-SEMITISM*
Cows which don't eat pigs are no cows at all.

*EXISTENTIALISM*
You have two cows. Your cows represent providers of absolute
necessities for survival (milk, beef, leather) in a netherworld of
endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

*WIZARD OF OZ*
Winkies: Oh-ee-oh... the ooooold cow.
Munchkins: They follow the yellow cow.

*SOUND OF MUSIC*
You have seven singing cows and one Julie Andrews.

*PULP FICTION*
You have one cow and a lot of hamburger splattered across the back
seat of your car.

*RESERVOIR DOGS*
You have two cows. One is named Cow Pink and the other Cow Orange.
 

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