what aggravates my anxiety quite a bit is the rudeness or indifference of young people. I practice courtesy and civility and it is often returned with apathy among the young; this is probably why older people put me at ease. Politeness often disarms and creates friendlier environments. Some people think manners are bourgeois niceties and unnecessary, but I think they are tremendously important. Would anyone feel less anxious in public if people were generally more friendly and polite?
politeness is disarming
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Social grease
I'm with you blc1. Rudeness, regardless of age, occurs when people ignore the benefits of common courtesy that enables people to communicate in a civilized manner. I think the Japanese culture is a well-known example of how a well-defined cultural framework enables people to get alone quite well in a densely populated country.
Keep on being nice, and you will attact nice people.
I'm with you blc1. Rudeness, regardless of age, occurs when people ignore the benefits of common courtesy that enables people to communicate in a civilized manner. I think the Japanese culture is a well-known example of how a well-defined cultural framework enables people to get alone quite well in a densely populated country.
Keep on being nice, and you will attact nice people.
Joined
·
7,102 Posts
Yes, it is far less anxiety-provoking if people show courtesy. However, if we show it to others, they are under no obligation to not show apathy in return. If they wish to be apathetic, that is their right, as long as they are not abusive in addition.
I disagree, people who are determinedly "polite" make my SA inestimably worse, because in their company I have to be even more careful about what I say, as they are prone to offence if I break their complex social laws.
Politeness is a value-rational concept that has always seemed mysterious and illogical to me. Sure, I can see that the intent is good - to create an environment where people are nice, courteous and inoffensive to each other. However, much like the political correctness movement, it has strayed so far ahead of these goals that it now contradicts them.
Politeness is an obscure set of social rules bordering on the ridiculous, the amount of time and energy wasted affixing utterly superflous constructions to the beginning and ends of sentences is unbelievable, and the result is a social mine-field where one mis-step can have significant negative consequence.
Beyond "please" "thanks" "sorry" and "excuse me", politness is counter-productive, wasteful and excaccerbates SA, as far as I am concerned. But perhaps I am unable to offer objective comment on the issue, what with being one of the rude and apathetic youth, and everything.
Politeness is a value-rational concept that has always seemed mysterious and illogical to me. Sure, I can see that the intent is good - to create an environment where people are nice, courteous and inoffensive to each other. However, much like the political correctness movement, it has strayed so far ahead of these goals that it now contradicts them.
Politeness is an obscure set of social rules bordering on the ridiculous, the amount of time and energy wasted affixing utterly superflous constructions to the beginning and ends of sentences is unbelievable, and the result is a social mine-field where one mis-step can have significant negative consequence.
Beyond "please" "thanks" "sorry" and "excuse me", politness is counter-productive, wasteful and excaccerbates SA, as far as I am concerned. But perhaps I am unable to offer objective comment on the issue, what with being one of the rude and apathetic youth, and everything.
Joined
·
10,188 Posts
Polite people make me extremely uncomfortable because they have a set of social expectations for me and can be very judgmental about my failure to express things. I'm not against it in theory, but I can't seem to do it with any consistency, so it's a problem when other people do and thus put the pressure on me.
Of course, I don't like overt rudeness either.
Of course, I don't like overt rudeness either.
Joined
·
7,102 Posts
I have noticed a decrease in manners in my lifetime. I have worked in schools and it is very different to the past. Rudeness was far more taboo a few decades ago, like many things. I have also noticed a large increase in antisocial behaviour and am frequently awoken by drunken neighbours screeching and banging. It makes me more anxious about leaving the house. However, while consideration of others is not increasing, the emphasis on shallow "social skills" and image, on the other hand, is increasing, particularly in the job market. It seems as though it should be the other way round.
But, even among the "rude" youth mentioned, there are still many unwritten social rules and codes to adhere to within their groups. Sometimes very strict. Cultural rules are an innate part of humanity. Those who cannot understand them, break them or who call out any BS are outcast from the social group. Among certain parts of youth culture, it is the rules that you have to be "rude", otherwise you are rejected.
I am among those who cannot pick up on most unwritten social rules in the groups of which I am supposedly a part. I know "please", "thank you" etc., but politeness and social codes extend to far more subtle areas than that and are pervasive. It has reached such a degree in the modern workplace, with so much emphasis on political and social maneuvering, image over substance, that even though I am highly skilled and qualified in the actual work, I am at a substantial disadvantage. It is seriously getting out of hand.
But, even among the "rude" youth mentioned, there are still many unwritten social rules and codes to adhere to within their groups. Sometimes very strict. Cultural rules are an innate part of humanity. Those who cannot understand them, break them or who call out any BS are outcast from the social group. Among certain parts of youth culture, it is the rules that you have to be "rude", otherwise you are rejected.
I am among those who cannot pick up on most unwritten social rules in the groups of which I am supposedly a part. I know "please", "thank you" etc., but politeness and social codes extend to far more subtle areas than that and are pervasive. It has reached such a degree in the modern workplace, with so much emphasis on political and social maneuvering, image over substance, that even though I am highly skilled and qualified in the actual work, I am at a substantial disadvantage. It is seriously getting out of hand.
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
