[eileenAKAmommy]

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. I met him when I was pregnant with the oldest. He knew I was pregnant. He was there for the birth of him ect.

His biological father, who hasn't seen him since he was a few months old (he will be 6 in October) says he doesn't think he will be a good father, pretty much wants nothing to do with him. He said this because I asked what kind of a role does he want to play in his life.

He has a DAD, who has been there since day ONE. I don't want him coming around all the time, or taking my son anywhere. I simply want him to know where he came from, and know that side of his family. (He doesn't know yet though, this is all pre-planning.)

How can someone knowingly have a child and NOT be curious about him, and wonder about him, and want to see what he's like?

 

[caithiggs]

fear

 

[tony0306]

He's selfish. It's clear he wanted the couple minutes of "feeling good" and nothing more. He wanted to have fun, but not the responsiblity. I hope you are getting support, to force the responsiblity he obligated himself to for his actions that he so easily runs from.

 

[Micronian]

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. I met him when I was pregnant with the oldest. He knew I was pregnant. He was there for the birth of him ect.

His biological father, who hasn't seen him since he was a few months old (he will be 6 in October) says he doesn't think he will be a good father, pretty much wants nothing to do with him. He said this because I asked what kind of a role does he want to play in his life.

He has a DAD, who has been there since day ONE. I don't want him coming around all the time, or taking my son anywhere. I simply want him to know where he came from, and know that side of his family. (He doesn't know yet though, this is all pre-planning.)

How can someone knowingly have a child and NOT be curious about him, and wonder about him, and want to see what he's like?

It's definitiely some type of fear, or self denial; immaturity. Your boy certainly does not need that kind of influence as he grows up. Also, he will find out about his father on his own. I never knew my father's side of the family (save for my grandparents and godfather) until I was 18 years old. I was very excited to know them, as much as they were excited to know me. Also, my uncle's wife left home without telling anyone and took her 1yr old son with her. She was never heard from again. When the boy was 19 or so, he and my uncle finally reunited. I believe it was an effort from both of them to reunite. From what I heard, they didn't even have to ask. They knew as soon as they saw each other.

Now, I wouldn't worry so much about your boy, and certainly not about the father (let the courts worry about his responsibility). When the boy wants to know about his father, he will find out on his own. And I hope you'll be there to help him.

 

[JS86]

How can someone knowingly have a child and NOT be curious about him, and wonder about him, and want to see what he's like?

Did he want to have a child in the first place?

 

[eileenAKAmommy]

Neither of us were expecting the outcome of our sexual involvement. We knew it could happen (duh) but never talked/thought about it.

I wasn't ready, but I took on the responsibility of my actions. I was only 18 then.

 

[nubly]

thats not a mans thinking.

 

[TorLin]

he can't take care of his responsibility .... (more to be said but i don't want to get infraction)

 

[eileenAKAmommy]

he can't take care of his responsibility .... (more to be said but i don't want to get infraction)

Off topic, but I just went to your website, and my oldest went crazy! LOL. He loves Star Wars! Obsessed!

 

[Keirelle]

Did he want to have a child in the first place?

I don't even think that is a reasonable question. You'd have to be an IDIOT to not realize there is ALWAYS a chance of pregnancy happening, no matter what.

You are having sex, you must know it can happen??

I had a surprise pregnancy too, but my boyfriend (or he was BF at the time) never really thought twice about it. We were having a baby, end of story. We were going to raise our child because we made him.

I don't like to say we didn't "want to have a child in the first place" (as per the above quote, but I guess technically that is true, since I was on birth control at the time. It happened. We knew it could happen. We went with it and we love him to bits.

A man that runs away from that? Well, I can tell you were were both terrified at the idea of having a baby to take care of, but I also don't get the concept of just leaving. I really don't think my husband would either.

Some guys are just that ridiculous. Immaturity is really the only word for it...that and stupid. Too stupid to realize that it can be an outcome and they have to accept that.

 

[eileenAKAmommy]

Birth Control, condoms, gels, foams, films... all that crap. There is ALWAYS a chance. I knew that. I still had sex. Except I didn't run. Don't know why men think with their penises then...

 

[JS86]

I don't even think that is a reasonable question. You'd have to be an IDIOT to not realize there is ALWAYS a chance of pregnancy happening, no matter what.

You are having sex, you must know it can happen??

It is a reasonable question if abortion is available.

 

[Keirelle]

It is a reasonable question if abortion is available.

No it isn't because that is assuming that the woman even believes in such things. I personally do not. I think that unless the mother or baby will die or some such situation, that abortion is selfish. You are the one having sex, you know the consequences, so I completely disagree with it.

And for a man to say "well you can just get an abortion" that is just being a *******, because he too knew it was possible and even if the woman was always all for abortion, she may change her mind. He still got her pregnant. So no matter that she may not go through with the abortion, it's STILL his baby. He knew it could happen. There should be no outs. Have some class, take responsibility for your own child. This goes for mothers too... you got pregnant, you can at least let the innocent child live and give him/her up for adoption.

anyway, end my rant.. I am very opinionated on this topic.

 

[neurotic1]

he is not fit for fatherhood, that's it, and he said that. Probably doesn't know how to behave with kids, or thinks he will end up harming him. Its not really a males mentality, more of a immature mentality.

 

[nubly]

No it isn't because that is assuming that the woman even believes in such things. I personally do not. I think that unless the mother or baby will die or some such situation, that abortion is selfish. You are the one having sex, you know the consequences, so I completely disagree with it.

And for a man to say "well you can just get an abortion" that is just being a *******, because he too knew it was possible and even if the woman was always all for abortion, she may change her mind. He still got her pregnant. So no matter that she may not go through with the abortion, it's STILL his baby. He knew it could happen. There should be no outs. Have some class, take responsibility for your own child. This goes for mothers too... you got pregnant, you can at least let the innocent child live and give him/her up for adoption.

anyway, end my rant.. I am very opinionated on this topic.

Birth Control, condoms, gels, foams, films... all that crap. There is ALWAYS a chance. I knew that. I still had sex. Except I didn't run. Don't know why men think with their penises then...

if its an accidental pregnancy and the man doesnt want the kid and the woman doesnt want an abortion then the man should not be held financially responsible. its selfish for the woman to force the man into fatherhood

 

[nihlanth1]

if its an accidental pregnancy and the man doesnt want the kid and the woman doesnt want an abortion then the man should not be held financially responsible. its selfish for the woman to force the man into fatherhood

:ditto

As long as the man took reasonable precautions (wearing a condom responsibly). Then you cannot force him to be the father.

Pre-emptive discussions should always be taken place, and the morning after pill should have also been a consideration.

A man's thinking is similar to a woman's thinking: Both are selfish.

 

[millenniumman75]

It's fear of taking responsibility.

I have never anywhere near this situation - I have actually been going through things in my life most people will never go through. If they do, I'd bet they're twice my age!

 

[nubly]

:ditto

As long as the man took reasonable precautions (wearing a condom responsibly). Then you cannot force him to be the father.

Pre-emptive discussions should always be taken place, and the morning after pill should have also been a consideration.

A man's thinking is similar to a woman's thinking: Both are selfish.

:lol yea both people are being selfish and its the kid who ends up losing worse

 

[Keirelle]

:ditto

As long as the man took reasonable precautions (wearing a condom responsibly). Then you cannot force him to be the father.

That's ridiculous.

Condoms break. Stuff can accidentally leak.

Hell, I got pregnant on the pill, taking it 100% correctly.

So that is MY fault? If my husband had just said, "well we used birth control properly. It's not my fault it didn't work. I don't want to take care of my kid" I am just supposed to live with that and raise the child on my own??

Honestly, some people have the most flawed view of this sort of thing...

If you DO NOT want to take responsibility for a child that YOU produced, then you SHOULD NOT being having sex. End of story.

No matter how well you are using protection, it is NEVER fail proof unless you are just not having sex. Or your partner has had a hysterectomy. Even if a man has a vasectomy it isn't guaranteed...

 

[nubly]

That's ridiculous.

Condoms break. Stuff can accidentally leak.

Hell, I got pregnant on the pill, taking it 100% correctly.

So that is MY fault? If my husband had just said, "well we used birth control properly. It's not my fault it didn't work. I don't want to take care of my kid" I am just supposed to live with that and raise the child on my own??

thats were the abortion option comes from