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In hiding
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My mum doesn't know about my SA but she knows I have had depression and other anxiety issues in the past. I feel like I can't talk to her about my SA because she's sick of me having problems. In her mind she'd like to think that my anxiety problems are a thing of the past and that I'm perfectly fine now. She was caring when I had bad depression/anxiety but I think after awhile she felt like I should have just 'been better.' Like it was long enough that I should have just been 'fixed' by that point. She has depression herself and has suffered anxiety in the past. I'm still not so sure she'd really get SA though. Especially given she seems to be one of those people who think I just need to get more confidence. =/

At one stage I was going to a different employment service provider and there I'd talk to a young-ish woman who ended up deciding it was my negative thinking that was stopping me from getting a job. I told her about my fears. How I always felt like people were looking at me. She (unintentionally?) made me feel self-obsessed for even THINKING that apparently everyone on the street was "there to watch me." She seemed to suspect I wasn't very motivated at all and I think in the end concluded that I was just lazy and not really worth her time.

Prior to that I'd gone to another employment place. This one had a lot of nice ladies who took me under their wing when I did an employment training course. I didn't have internet access at the time so I'd occasionally go and use their computers. I felt depressed home alone without an internet connection which I seem to rely on so heavily. So going there and using theirs was a bit of a comfort, even though I often felt like people were looking at my screen and judging me for whatever I was doing. At some point I was done with my course and still going in to use the computers regularly. One of the ladies who worked there and had always been friendly to me came out one day and found me online. She asked how things were going on the job front and I lied and said it was going okay but I hadn't found anything. The way she looked from me to the computer, I could just read her thoughts. It had been awhile since I'd done the course and I knew she was wondering why I was still unemployed and using their internet for what was obviously not job searching. I felt like right there, she was deciding I had, in the end, just been an unmotivated person who didn't particularly want a job. I stopped going in to use the internet out of the fear that I'd cross her path again and she'd question why I STILL hadn't found work.

Does anyone else feel like people are forever giving up on you? Whether it be because it's been enough time that they feel you should be 'better' by now or what.
 

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ISFJ
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People just like to make the easiest assumptions based on what they alone see. I know I used to see quiet people and think they were weird, and so I wouldn't talk to them. Most often people don't recognize there's an underlying condition.

I guess in your case the first stage is to seek out therapy. Especially if you're starting to feel or have growing paranoia.

You really do need a job, everybody does. So starting to look again would be a good idea. Unfortunately most entry level jobs are on the service-side where you still need to interact with people. All I can say is try to find a labor job maybe in roofing or construction where you need to keep busy.

I personally feel as if my friends have given up on me. I never wanted to go out drinking with them and eventually they just stopped calling or even caring about me. I haven't heard from some in a few years and I'm sure they're gone forever. They probably think I'm just a shut-in loser now.

My parents are just letting me do my own things which isn't necessarily helping. Although I'd be stressed if they were pushing me in one direction or another. I need to go back to school which terrifies me, but I can't bring myself to tell them that. Life ain't easy with SA.
 
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