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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Has anyone else had problems with this?

When you change socially some people do not like it. They patronize you and try to clip your wings and keep you down a little.

I will simply have to carry on doing what I am doing. But still, people can be horrible and interfering!

Thoughts? Has anyone got stories about this effect?
 

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No, I've never been popular.

But there was a girl at my school who changed her appearance one day. Got a haircut, gelled it up at the back, had a nice jacket, wore skate shoes and some bracets, some nail varnish. She looked pretty plain beforehand.

Then a few people said she was a poser, which I guess is like clipping someone's wings. It was silly really.
 

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Yes I know what you mean. I guess people do that subconsciously. It's like a defensive reflex because they see their own popularity (kind of like their "territory") threatened I guess. As hard as it seems, I think it's best to just ignore them. :)
 

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Has anyone else had problems with this?

When you change socially some people do not like it. They patronize you and try to clip your wings and keep you down a little.

I will simply have to carry on doing what I am doing. But still, people can be horrible and interfering!

Thoughts? Has anyone got stories about this effect?
YES! That first paragraph is what I have experienced word for word. It's bull. They know the social anxiety version of me, and they feel that they are better than him, so when I act social/wild they don't like it for whatever reason... I guess people just don't like to be caught off guard with regard to their judgements of others, especially when you are "friends".

From my experiences though, this only happens with people who may feel like they have something to prove socially (which is a lot of people). The friends of mine who I have the most respect for though will always be happy and encourage me when I try to come out of my shell.
 

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If i'm gonna admit, i'm quite popular at work. I get on with everyone i work with, and even the lads who i have never worked with but have gotten to know from nights out, and just seeing them in the canteen.
I have always found that the girls at work (who are around my age), see this and they just look at me with disdain, or they organise nights out, and wouldnt invite me (even though they've invited everyone else at the table). But the lads always end up asking me to go anyway.

I only have 2 girls at work who i am close with, and they are both 5 years older than me.

But i don't mind, i just see it that they are intimadated by my good nature, cos i always have a laugh with the people at work, and they dont like this (or at least that's who i view it)

But fook 'em, haters gonna hate, i just get on with my stuff.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
If i'm gonna admit, i'm quite popular at work. I get on with everyone i work with, and even the lads who i have never worked with but have gotten to know from nights out, and just seeing them in the canteen.
I have always found that the girls at work (who are around my age), see this and they just look at me with disdain, or they organise nights out, and wouldnt invite me (even though they've invited everyone else at the table). But the lads always end up asking me to go anyway.

I only have 2 girls at work who i am close with, and they are both 5 years older than me.

But i don't mind, i just see it that they are intimadated by my good nature, cos i always have a laugh with the people at work, and they dont like this (or at least that's who i view it)

But fook 'em, haters gonna hate, i just get on with my stuff.
That is totally the right attitude! :)
 
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I have noticed some people relatively close to me seem almost threatened by my new-found level of confidence in fairly recent times.
This was actually one of my fears about really trying to make changes within myself, that people would see it as "You're just trying to be someone you're not".
For example, I've started to dress more nicely recently when I go out in public. I'll sometimes wear shirts that are more "neat casual" rather than just plain "casual".
No offense intended to most of my male friends, but they don't really dress all that well on average.

Going back to the "You're just trying to be someone you're not" thing I said before, sure it's cool they like aspects of who I am, but they haven't been in my shoes.
They don't understand what it was like for me for such a long time in my life to wake up in the morning and be totally disgusted and repulsed by who I was as a person. Feeling pathetic, useless, severely lacking on confidence etc.
These are things I want to change about myself. I want to be more confident and outgoing, more charismatic, all that good stuff.
But by some insecure people, that can be seen as arrogance and being "fake".
I just kinda hope I can get my friends to understand I want to continue changing who I am, so I can be happier each morning when I wake up and like myself more.
 

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No, but it's most likely jealousy. Jealousy and some sort of deep rooted insecurity in themselves showing itself. They may not even be conciously aware of it, but that's probably what it is. It could also be them feeling like you'd rather be "popular" than be miserable with them (that is, if the people that don't like your newfound social confidence aren't popular themselves. If they are popular, they probably just want to remain feeling superior to you, and take your rise in confidence as them losing that superiority and becoming more inferior. It's all ego-related).

A solution to this? If you can, ignore it. If they're so hell-bent on messing with you then by all means retaliate and stand up for yourself, but if you can keep your confidence without having to put them down I would suggest trying that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
No, but it's most likely jealousy. Jealousy and some sort of deep rooted insecurity in themselves showing itself. They may not even be conciously aware of it, but that's probably what it is. It could also be them feeling like you'd rather be "popular" than be miserable with them (that is, if the people that don't like your newfound social confidence aren't popular themselves. If they are popular, they probably just want to remain feeling superior to you, and take your rise in confidence as them losing that superiority and becoming more inferior. It's all ego-related).

A solution to this? If you can, ignore it. If they're so hell-bent on messing with you then by all means retaliate and stand up for yourself, but if you can keep your confidence without having to put them down I would suggest trying that.
That is exactly what's going on.

I was 'put in my place' yesterday in a pretty ugly way. I will have to see about what I do next. My inner extrovert has arisen though and I can feel that I am not willing to be held back by anyone anymore.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I have noticed some people relatively close to me seem almost threatened by my new-found level of confidence in fairly recent times.
This was actually one of my fears about really trying to make changes within myself, that people would see it as "You're just trying to be someone you're not".
For example, I've started to dress more nicely recently when I go out in public. I'll sometimes wear shirts that are more "neat casual" rather than just plain "casual".
No offense intended to most of my male friends, but they don't really dress all that well on average.

Going back to the "You're just trying to be someone you're not" thing I said before, sure it's cool they like aspects of who I am, but they haven't been in my shoes.
They don't understand what it was like for me for such a long time in my life to wake up in the morning and be totally disgusted and repulsed by who I was as a person. Feeling pathetic, useless, severely lacking on confidence etc.
These are things I want to change about myself. I want to be more confident and outgoing, more charismatic, all that good stuff.
But by some insecure people, that can be seen as arrogance and being "fake".

I just kinda hope I can get my friends to understand I want to continue changing who I am, so I can be happier each morning when I wake up and like myself more.
They are jealous. Lots of people are all the time. It is actually amazing to see how insecure and envious normal people are.
 

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They get angry cause you're stealing their spotlight. They crave being popular so much they must have it no matter how often they'll bring others down to get it. I say screw them and continue to be who you are, only way you can ever hurt a popular person is just ignore them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
They get angry cause you're stealing their spotlight. They crave being popular so much they must have it no matter how often they'll bring others down to get it. I say screw them and continue to be who you are, only way you can ever hurt a popular person is just ignore them.
That is exactly what I did. I did my own thing and ignored a person who feels really important and popular. He didn't even notice that I was getting popular until people started telling him. Then he suddenly became aggressive and started playing dirty. It all came to a head yesterday and it was pretty horrible for me but I guess I have learned quite a bit.
 

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That is exactly what's going on.

I was 'put in my place' yesterday in a pretty ugly way. I will have to see about what I do next. My inner extrovert has arisen though and I can feel that I am not willing to be held back by anyone anymore.
Hey, do what you have to do :stu. Are these people your friends? If they are, then I'd say maybe you can try to talk it out with them privately (out of respect for them being generally good to you in the past). If not, then whatever, do what you have to do lol, just make sure you don't end up looking like "the bad guy" when it's all said and done, because that can happen.
 

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That is exactly what I did. I did my own thing and ignored a person who feels really important and popular. He didn't even notice that I was getting popular until people started telling him. Then he suddenly became aggressive and started playing dirty. It all came to a head yesterday and it was pretty horrible for me but I guess I have learned quite a bit.
That's even more pathetic that's its a guy and his friends telling him what his popular meter is and when it gets too low. Insecure little men that's all.
 

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This is what I am afraid of if I ever do get rid of my SA, how people will react and comment on me changing, either thinking I'm being fake or trying to keep me down and discourage me. The only good thing is you will find out who your real friends are. Your real friends will encourage your growth.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Hey, do what you have to do :stu. Are these people your friends? If they are, then I'd say maybe you can try to talk it out with them privately (out of respect for them being generally good to you in the past). If not, then whatever, do what you have to do lol, just make sure you don't end up looking like "the bad guy" when it's all said and done, because that can happen.
They are not my friends more like acquaintances. They are pretty much the people I have practiced my social skills on for the past 6 months so I want to hold on to them.

I am worried about ending up like the bad one. I absolutely hate how 'normal' people have this skill of selling themselves well, making themselves look like they have done nothing wrong. He has that skill and has started talking badly about me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
That's even more pathetic that's its a guy and his friends telling him what his popular meter is and when it gets too low. Insecure little men that's all.
LOL That is exactly what happened.

He became worried and had to 'neutralize the competition' I guess.
 

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They are not my friends more like acquaintances. They are pretty much the people I have practiced my social skills on for the past 6 months so I want to hold on to them.

I am worried about ending up like the bad one. I absolutely hate how 'normal' people have this skill of selling themselves well, making themselves look like they have done nothing wrong. He has that skill and has started talking badly about me.
That's probably why he went after you, because he knows he can :|. His friends might have been in on it as well. Maybe you can try to get his friends on your side and tell them about how mean he's being to you and then you'll look like the victim and he'll look like the 'bad guy' (which he is in this case cause you didn't do anything to him).
 

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If his friends are willing to suck up to him, and follow in his footsteps, their just as sad as he is. Plus he's going after women to make himself feel better. Sarcasm works great, because it'll deflate his ego.

As much as negotiating tends to work out, you don't negotiate with those types of men, it'll just blow right over their heads.
 
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