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Byebye SAS.
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Today it occurred to me no one truly understand social anxiety. They think our pain and complaints are a sign of weakness. While others are always living their regular lives, we just deal with our constant day to day anxiety.

I was telling someone close to me how, I didn't know till I researched about myself and then knew. All this person said was "Well that is obvious." No it's not obvious, not at all! Infact, I didn't even know how to overcome this disorder AT ALL. The shame was preventing me from EVER getting help. That's when it occurred to me that telling someone else about your anxiety will not help you. For the most part most people would give you a strange look, or laugh and say, "What do you mean, anxiety?". So to cure yourselves you all need to try on yourself. If you're lucky enough to have someone understand cool, but for the most part people don't take what we say seriously. One has TO LEARN patience, acceptance and determination.

Good luck to all those stars (people) working on this issue all alone.
 

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Talking about things is good with the right people. Most people wont know what to say back though, but some people are good. tbh even someone who has anxiety themselves would probably be as useless because their own anxiety would prevent them from giving a 'good enough' answer.

I have thought about this for a long long time and I have come to a rather obvious conclusion. Its all to do with your focus and attention. The more you focus on something, the more significant it becomes. When i was a boy i use to think about how big my nose and ears were and people would make comments. When i got a bit older i used to think about my sweating a lot which would make it worse and people would make comments. These days I dont think about any of those things and they are no longer an issue and strangely enough people no longer make comments. However these days I am focused on my anxiety and being liked, which only makes me more anxious.
I know the answer is to focus on something else, something positive and maintain that focus until the negativity becomes insignificant but I don't know how to do that just yet!

I only just signed up to this forum, but i am seeing people with other 1000+ posts and I am wondering if this forum helps if they are still here?
Does the forum inadvertently perpetuate the problem?
 

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Byebye SAS.
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Talking about things is good with the right people. Most people wont know what to say back though, but some people are good. tbh even someone who has anxiety themselves would probably be as useless because their own anxiety would prevent them from giving a 'good enough' answer.

I have thought about this for a long long time and I have come to a rather obvious conclusion. Its all to do with your focus and attention. The more you focus on something, the more significant it becomes. When i was a boy i use to think about how big my nose and ears were and people would make comments. When i got a bit older i used to think about my sweating a lot which would make it worse and people would make comments. These days I dont think about any of those things and they are no longer an issue and strangely enough people no longer make comments. However these days I am focused on my anxiety and being liked, which only makes me more anxious.
I know the answer is to focus on something else, something positive and maintain that focus until the negativity becomes insignificant but I don't know how to do that just yet!

I only just signed up to this forum, but i am seeing people with other 1000+ posts and I am wondering if this forum helps if they are still here?
Does the forum inadvertently perpetuate the problem?
I get where you are coming from. I also had reoccuring issues all my life.

Idk if it even helps. Everyone normal always says "just stop thinking and do it". Maybe that's the only way out. Idk..... But I do know telling others is useless. UNLESS they will help you, like if it's a therapist. Otherwise no one really cares and are too busy in their own lives.
 

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It's all a bit of a paradox - I gathered the courage to tell my friend why I turned down three party invites this Easter. We had an hour-long conversation about it, and at the end, she asked if I wanted to talk about it tonight over drinks! - By explaining to others, they push you to go out more!
 

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Byebye SAS.
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
It's all a bit of a paradox - I gathered the courage to tell my friend why I turned down three party invites this Easter. We had an hour-long conversation about it, and at the end, she asked if I wanted to talk about it tonight over drinks! - By explaining to others, they push you to go out more!
so true! And then they don't want to know WHY we don't like it. It's not us period. oh well...

I won't make this blind mistake EVER again. >< eeesh.
 

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This is why I'm telling no one but my therapist about my issues. I don't want to deal with people's judgemental **** on top of this.
 

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I definitely see SA as a weakness. I do not expect anyone to understand or even want to understand something so irrelevant to them.

It's all a bit of a paradox - I gathered the courage to tell my friend why I turned down three party invites this Easter. We had an hour-long conversation about it, and at the end, she asked if I wanted to talk about it tonight over drinks! - By explaining to others, they push you to go out more!
Isn't she trying to help you? Exposure is a great way to get over anxiety.
 

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Today it occurred to me no one truly understand social anxiety. They think our pain and complaints are a sign of weakness. While others are always living their regular lives, we just deal with our constant day to day anxiety.

I was telling someone close to me how, I didn't know till I researched about myself and then knew. All this person said was "Well that is obvious." No it's not obvious, not at all! Infact, I didn't even know how to overcome this disorder AT ALL. The shame was preventing me from EVER getting help. That's when it occurred to me that telling someone else about your anxiety will not help you. For the most part most people would give you a strange look, or laugh and say, "What do you mean, anxiety?". So to cure yourselves you all need to try on yourself. If you're lucky enough to have someone understand cool, but for the most part people don't take what we say seriously. One has TO LEARN patience, acceptance and determination.

Good luck to all those stars (people) working on this issue all alone.
You're so right. You try to explain this problem to others, especially those close to you, and they look at you with a "suck it up" attitude. It gets quite frustrating because it's not like I'm not trying to do that it just doesn't happen like they would think it should. :steam
 

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Moving Towards Destiny
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Most People Cannot Relate to SA or Many Other Tragedies

No, overall most people cannot even remotely understand or empathize with our condition because they have never experienced it to the extent that we do day after day. It is incomprehensible to them. They have experienced social fear at times, but nothing like we do every minute of the day or to the extent that we do.

It is human nature not to understand something you have not experienced yourself.

Extreme, prolonged, agonizing pain for instance.

I won't go into lengthy details but I have been through prolonged agonizing pain from a few physical conditions I went through and spent many months,and in one case nearly a full year, day and night screaming in pain until I would nearly pass out and be drenched in sweat and begging God to let me die. I went to the doctors and they were unable to help and the pain medication was worthless.

I had experienced this for a few things over the years; my neighbors could hear me screaming and sobbing in agonizing pain and had even called the police. In one condition recently, it went on for about 9 months until I almost took my own life a couple of times. I was begging God every day for it to stop or let me die. Not making it up.

When I would tell people about it, they would even go so far as to make jokes about it and laugh it off as if it were some kind of joke. They would smile and make some passing comment as if I told them something about the weather.

At first this infuriated me and enraged me, but then I finally realized that they had absolutely no idea what I went through. It was just words to them.

So it is with horrible social anxiety, they cannot relate to it because they have not experienced it. The mental agony we go through is beyond their understanding.

It is only an intellectual idea to them like horrible prolonged pain.
 

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I know when I was younger I never suffered from SA, at least I didn't realize if I did or not. And you make a good point, if you haven't gone through something or experienced yourself you tend to make fun of it or cannot relate to the pain someone is trying to express to you. I know a few years ago if someone with SA or depression would have come to me and told me what was happening I wouldn't be able to help them and probably would have had a negative outlook on it. Maybe things like this happen for a reason.

The only thing that really sucks is that the loneliness feeling gets worse and worse the more you find the people who are closest to you fade away.
 

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Brilliance lost
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I agree whole heartedly. No one understands the pain of having the constant fear of being judged weigh on you so heavily. As I've mentioned in previous posts, my family and coworkers don't understand it, and I'm put down as other things even after explaining why I act the way that I do. Lately I've been feeling depressed and having episodes where I feel hopeless and manic in my desire to end whatever pain, failure, or embarrassment my mind insists that I'm in/am. The twitchy panic attacks have only gotten worse, and I hate the stigma/humiliation being diagnosed with a mental illness will do to my already crumbling reputation.
 

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Sane
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Humans are naturally selfish, and tend to care mostly about themselves and their problems. Being able to understand someone that you can't relate to is pretty hard, if not impossible anyway.
 

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Byebye SAS.
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
At first this infuriated me and enraged me, but then I finally realized that they had absolutely no idea what I went through. It was just words to them.

So it is with horrible social anxiety, they cannot relate to it because they have not experienced it. The mental agony we go through is beyond their understanding.

It is only an intellectual idea to them like horrible prolonged pain.
completely agree.

you are best at wording this I swear! "It was just words to them." <-- if only we remember that. lol
 

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Byebye SAS.
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I totally agree with all of you guys.......... and these people won't understand.
 

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SUPER EFFECTIVE!
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I think mental disorders in general are poorly understood by the public. People often divorce the mind from the brain, and since the mind is immaterial and you can control it, then it can easily be changed. That's why people say stupid things like "Cheer up" to depressed people and "Stop being shy" to people with SA. It is the equivalent of telling people with dyslexia to "Learn to read" and expecting it to solve it all.

Also people tend to look at things in black and white when most things are on a spectrum. Either you're sad or happy, either you're shy or you're out going. There is no spectrum. There is no realization that depressed is way more than sad or social anxiety is way more than shy.
 

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Byebye SAS.
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I think mental disorders in general are poorly understood by the public. People often divorce the mind from the brain, and since the mind is immaterial and you can control it, then it can easily be changed. That's why people say stupid things like "Cheer up" to depressed people and "Stop being shy" to people with SA. It is the equivalent of telling people with dyslexia to "Learn to read" and expecting it to solve it all.

Also people tend to look at things in black and white when most things are on a spectrum. Either you're sad or happy, either you're shy or you're out going. There is no spectrum. There is no realization that depressed is way more than sad or social anxiety is way more than shy.
I know and I am not even apart of that spectrum. I'm like the few few lolz.
 
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