Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 20 of 33 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
105 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i work at an auto zone as a commercial delivery driver, im not in the store very much, but at there are downtimes when i have no deliveries to make. im a very quiet person and im comfortable being quiet and just staying out of conversations. the thing is that my coworkers and my manager who is the ring leader of the harassment are always trying to get a rise out of me. for example i will be standing there waiting for a delivery, one of them will come up behind me, shake and say come on man lighten up, keep in mind i dont even know this guys name and he thinks its ok to put his hands on me. its like they dont respect me just for the fact that im quiet, for example my manager is always complaining how im so serious and so tense yet when i talk to him he will walk away mid sentence, how am i supposed to react you know. idk whats wrong, i dont view never talking at work except when it relates to work weird, i hate making small talk and always fumble when im having a simple conversation with someone. so i guess my question is how can i continue to be myself, but get them to stop harassing me for it. also im a really nice guy and i dont provoke anyone to mistreat me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
91 Posts
oh it's been this way for me my entire life. lol, trust me i completely understand. you need to just roll your eyes and and shake it off, we just stand out because we are so quiet. shouldnt be a bad thing since afterall you are working and doing what you need to do!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
464 Posts
Same thing happens to me. My co-workers will complain that I'm too quiet, but when I actually speak to them they will find someone "better" to speak to even in the middle of the conversation. Makes me not want to speak to them at all!!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,198 Posts
OT. hey dude, i'm looking for some springs for a lincoln town car. replacement for rear air bags. does auto zone sell them? :)

but yeah i know what you mean. it comes with how one acts. don't let it get to you (though it's hard) cus they go through their own problems.
 

·
SAS Member
Joined
·
31,286 Posts
I been there before. I think if you tried to be more active in the conversations they may lay off the teasing. They probably aren't used to dealing with a quiet person which is why they think messing with you will make you suddenly open up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12 Posts
I feel the same way and wish that I DID have some advice for you.
Quite often I'm satisfied with being quiet and feel happy that way.
But with all the pressure from the outside I'm not sure if I'm just terribly shy (I am shy- no doubt lol) or if it's just the other side of my crazy hyper personality. o-0
=) Good luck with your autozone coworkers. Perhaps doing subtle things like smiling or learning their names would help ooooorrr Maybe getting a drink or something like that too... things you don't really need to talk much for. ^_~
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
105 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
thanks so much guys, idk what it is but hearing that ppl go through the same thing helps so much and makes going to work tomorrow so much easier. i totally agree with the comment that someone made above that they arent used to dealing with someone as quiet as me so they try getting a rise out of me to get to know me better. im just not one of the guys typicall you know and i tend to take things out of context even when someone is just trying to kid around, but anyway thanks guys.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,672 Posts
I know how you feel. Most people can't accept that some people are naturally quiet and don't have the same desire to talk as much as they do. I was accused of being arrogant by someone in my first job his exact words were ''Are you English?...Then why are you so arrogant?!''......What the f#ck does being English have to do with it? Besides he was the one who didn't speak our native language! In my opinion the judgemental people are the arrogant ones not us.
 

·
Your Assumptions
Joined
·
7,027 Posts
They are not reason-based people like you seem to be. You don't have to provoke anyone to get bullied; they target those who are different--anyone who is not a proper part of the group. They are emotion-based people who will only respond to clear demonstrations of assertiveness or aggression, not reasoning. Remember, logic and reasoning do not work with bullies. They operate under the "rules" of their social pecking order, not logic. In my experience, they are testing to see whether you are one of them and not thinking yourself to be superior (ridiculous I know).
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
497 Posts
i work at an auto zone as a commercial delivery driver, im not in the store very much, but at there are downtimes when i have no deliveries to make. im a very quiet person and im comfortable being quiet and just staying out of conversations. the thing is that my coworkers and my manager who is the ring leader of the harassment are always trying to get a rise out of me. for example i will be standing there waiting for a delivery, one of them will come up behind me, shake and say come on man lighten up, keep in mind i dont even know this guys name and he thinks its ok to put his hands on me. its like they dont respect me just for the fact that im quiet, for example my manager is always complaining how im so serious and so tense yet when i talk to him he will walk away mid sentence, how am i supposed to react you know. idk whats wrong, i dont view never talking at work except when it relates to work weird, i hate making small talk and always fumble when im having a simple conversation with someone. so i guess my question is how can i continue to be myself, but get them to stop harassing me for it. also im a really nice guy and i dont provoke anyone to mistreat me.
youve got report it . who is above your manager ? you have to go to the top and explain that you dont like the way you are being treated and that you want it to stop

you do not have to put up with this. if someone is treating you in a way you do not like you can put a stop to it, and more importantly you have every right to put a stop to it
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
Comments like "lighten up" and "get over it" are the most infuriating. When someone looks at me and says "smile" I want to say "What for? Because you say so? Give me something to smile about, funny boy." When people are that insensitive, you don't really need to be concerned about being accepted by them (after all, you're not really one of them anyway -- you're thoughtful and intelligent, right?). If you need a prop to get others to not bother you, a book or headphones usually work. (Magazines aren't as good -- they inevitably invite others to butt in and ask about what you're reading. My favorite query: "Buying a car?" My response: "No, I'm reading about them. Duh.") And as "socially inept" says, if it's seriously inappropriate, it may need reporting.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
397 Posts
I don't know if this is just apart of western culture but it seems people are uncomfortable with individuals who keep to themselves. Quietness is not seen as an attractive trait and it even scares some people at times.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,196 Posts
I can't stand people like that. Look at it this way. People like that TALK TOO DAMN MUCH! The next time someone says a stupid hurtful thing to you, tell them that they talk too much. I hate extroverts. F--- 'em! They bore me!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
376 Posts
All these things can be learned (doing smalltalk) but what's the point?
Be yourself and if they don't like it, ef 'em.

Or when they're pushing you too much say something creepy like your hobby being reading about serial killers and then naming some favorites. That oughta shut 'em up. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
234 Posts
This has happened to me throughout my life, to the point where I would snap at people and then they would think of me as a ***** and not bother me anymore. This is what I don't get about people, why do they think it's ok to treat others like crap but not for the person to stick up for themselves? To this day there is nothing that annoys me more than being told to "relax" or "lighten up"...especially since most of the time I was just fine! UGH! See getting annoyed just thinking about it now lol

I really wish I knew what the solution was but find a way to stand up for yourself, don't let them think they can push you around like that. Don't go overboard obviously, just let them know enough is enough. You're a human being just like them and deserve respect.
 

·
sa challenger
Joined
·
5,079 Posts
Comments like "lighten up" and "get over it" are the most infuriating. When someone looks at me and says "smile" I want to say "What for? Because you say so? Give me something to smile about, funny boy." When people are that insensitive, you don't really need to be concerned about being accepted by them (after all, you're not really one of them anyway -- you're thoughtful and intelligent, right?). If you need a prop to get others to not bother you, a book or headphones usually work. (Magazines aren't as good -- they inevitably invite others to butt in and ask about what you're reading. My favorite query: "Buying a car?" My response: "No, I'm reading about them. Duh.") And as "socially inept" says, if it's seriously inappropriate, it may need reporting.
I also hate it when people say "smile". It's their own uncomfortableness with a shy person. They feel awkward too, although they might not know it. So that's what they do to ease their own tension. What, should we all walk around like the joker? Fake? I now just stare at people when they say this and think of how pathetic THEY are!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
401 Posts
Yeah that makes me mad too and then when i do talk and express myself,they either be in shock or cut me off and don't listen...so i'm like i give up trying to prove to people...but anyway just be yourself...and if they don't like you for being shy or quiet that's they freaking problem!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
315 Posts
Everyone has their own way for dealing with these everyday hooligans.

I've been under this crap until I joined the legal profession - where it actually got worse as it was a female working environment and after a few days remarks about "cute" were implied to mean "feminine" and my colleagues don't actually make a distinction between genders when they speak of me. Lol.

Unfortunately the nature of my job demands that I snap at random people to get them in line because banks/clients/partner lawyers/etc are expecting us to act on their behalf. I can usually be cold and brooding in the mornings as well (I have to plan for cases long before I step into the office because of the volume) which discourages any attempt to socialise.

Might be a drastic reaction but everyone here does appreciate that deadlines are never missed once I stepped on board - what you need is a culture of appreciation: recognition that you can do a certain job and do it well, and that any sort of irrational disturbance will directly impact the quality of services provided to your colleagues.

In short, when under duress, stab em in the back. Before they do the same to you and your future prospects. Trust me, they won't realise the gravity of their social incompetence with gentler measures.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
Hello everybody.

Reading the above posts has felt like reading my own diary! All my life I've had comments such as "Don't have much to say, do you?", or "Why are you so quiet?". This has been difficult for me to understand, because you would think that people would be glad that you were being quiet - one less person hassling them, stopping them from going about their business, and so on. The problem is worse in particularly "laddish" environments where a perceived weakness will often be picked on.

Unfortunately I do not have any advice I can offer anyone in the same situation, as it is still something which I have to deal with as best I can in my everyday life; but a psychologist once told me that some people actually distrust quiet people, fearing that you are "holding something back" or remaining uninvolved so that you can watch people and "play" them for your own advantage later on. This is not the case with me (or with anybody else here, I am sure), but seeing it through their eyes in this way has made me more tolerant towards these people.

Take care, everyone.
 
1 - 20 of 33 Posts
Top