[screwjack]

If you know enough people to have enemies, you are doing better than me.

 

[screwjack]

Its people i used to know, or people i might know in the future. I make enemies quicker than i make friends, even though i try to be really friendly etc.

These days i'm basically a recluse. I dont want the hassle of making friends, because there are alot of fake people out there that may be nice on the surface, but then you get to know them properly, and they are really nasty.

The way i feel, is that basically i'm one of the biggest losers here. My social experience is very poor. Maybe you have had a bad time too. But i can assure you, my life has sucked so far.

You can't really let middle/high school experiences chart the way you deal with life, most kids are basically animals not people. They sniff out blood in the water and us SAers bleeding, fresh easy meat. You get it stuck in your craw and you think that's how it has always been and that's how it will always be. But when I got passed the bullying experiences and stopped wishing ill to the people that did me most harm in school I saw that whether their life had turned out good or bad, they barely remembered me or tried to put aside what they did to me.

Sometimes of course there are people that don't grow up and it crosses over to college but you can't let them get to you. Think about how many people don't wish you ill, why get fixated on the few that don't? But I know it's easier said than done I still feel you're healthier than me because i'm to the point where I won't get into any relationships with anyone for fear that they'll hate me down the line. At least you're willing to put yourself out there, I let my distorted thoughts control me.

 

[screwjack]

NO NO you dont understand. I dont actually go anywhere. I always talk about past experiences. I haven't left my house unless i see my counsellor etc.

I have never had a girlfriend, and i have no job right now. My life has been really uneventful, and socially non-existent.

I guess some people see me in real life aswell and think i'm (maybe) "normal" because i think i have good talking skills. But that doesn't mean i'm confident, it just means i know how to talk.

I would just focus on getting better, worry about connecting with people later. Learning to realize that it really dosen't matter what people think about us is the most freeing thing I ever realized. It's almost like a limb you hack off but still feel.