Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
728 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have noticed some comments on these forums about having problems with others saying "they have no life" etc.

I have had these problems in the past aswell.

It seems that because i dont like going out, people dont like me for it.

They hate me for not doing what everyone else does.

Why can't people be friends with someone for the person they are, rather than how popular/cool they are?....

Its like, if you like games, you are considered a geek with no life. However, if you go out to nightclubs alot, you are "cool".

I judge people individually in terms of personality. It is possible for someone to be outgoing/popular but still like games (my best friend is like this).

But the majority of outgoing types are very judgemental, and nasty, especially towards introverts. They laugh at people like me.

Although they have wanted to hang around with me for some bizarre reason.

Why would i want to hang around with people i feel uncomfortable with.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
604 Posts
Totally agree. I noticed the same exact thing! One of the reasons I hate society is because they have these stupid unwritten rules that judge people’s status. You are only worthy to talk to if you have 700 facebook friends and hang out with loads of people. Others will judge on what you do on the weekends. When people ask me what I do on the weekend and I reply “nothing” they automatically write me off. People judge the whole package and not the type of person you are which is unfortunate. People like to others who they view as cool because they themselves feel cool in return. It’s all about social status……….
 

·
Loser
Joined
·
207 Posts
That has always been a problem for me, too. Of course I like to party, too, but not every weekend! I also like to play video games or watching a DVD or so at the weekend. But then you're considered as a geek.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
984 Posts
If you know enough people to have enemies, you are doing better than me.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
728 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
If you know enough people to have enemies, you are doing better than me.
Its people i used to know, or people i might know in the future. I make enemies quicker than i make friends, even though i try to be really friendly etc.

These days i'm basically a recluse. I dont want the hassle of making friends, because there are alot of fake people out there that may be nice on the surface, but then you get to know them properly, and they are really nasty.

The way i feel, is that basically i'm one of the biggest losers here. My social experience is very poor. Maybe you have had a bad time too. But i can assure you, my life has sucked so far.
 

·
Protector of the Den
Joined
·
15,133 Posts
I view it as they are trying to make themselves feel better by pointing out the flaws "they" perceive in others. When I was in high school I never bothered anyone, but others seemded to go out of their way to make my life a hell. It annoys me how some people just can't let others live their own lives.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
418 Posts
I agree with kikachuck.

It's not like the socialite party animals are out to get you (past high school anyway). They just don't really care about you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
984 Posts
Its people i used to know, or people i might know in the future. I make enemies quicker than i make friends, even though i try to be really friendly etc.

These days i'm basically a recluse. I dont want the hassle of making friends, because there are alot of fake people out there that may be nice on the surface, but then you get to know them properly, and they are really nasty.

The way i feel, is that basically i'm one of the biggest losers here. My social experience is very poor. Maybe you have had a bad time too. But i can assure you, my life has sucked so far.
You can't really let middle/high school experiences chart the way you deal with life, most kids are basically animals not people. They sniff out blood in the water and us SAers bleeding, fresh easy meat. You get it stuck in your craw and you think that's how it has always been and that's how it will always be. But when I got passed the bullying experiences and stopped wishing ill to the people that did me most harm in school I saw that whether their life had turned out good or bad, they barely remembered me or tried to put aside what they did to me.

Sometimes of course there are people that don't grow up and it crosses over to college but you can't let them get to you. Think about how many people don't wish you ill, why get fixated on the few that don't? But I know it's easier said than done I still feel you're healthier than me because i'm to the point where I won't get into any relationships with anyone for fear that they'll hate me down the line. At least you're willing to put yourself out there, I let my distorted thoughts control me.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
728 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
You can't really let middle/high school experiences chart the way you deal with life, most kids are basically animals not people. They sniff out blood in the water and us SAers bleeding, fresh easy meat. You get it stuck in your craw and you think that's how it has always been and that's how it will always be. But when I got passed the bullying experiences and stopped wishing ill to the people that did me most harm in school I saw that whether their life had turned out good or bad, they barely remembered me or tried to put aside what they did to me.

Sometimes of course there are people that don't grow up and it crosses over to college but you can't let them get to you. Think about how many people don't wish you ill, why get fixated on the few that don't? But I know it's easier said than done I still feel you're healthier than me because i'm to the point where I won't get into any relationships with anyone for fear that they'll hate me down the line. At least you're willing to put yourself out there, I let my distorted thoughts control me.
NO NO you dont understand. I dont actually go anywhere. I always talk about past experiences. I haven't left my house unless i see my counsellor etc.

I have never had a girlfriend, and i have no job right now. My life has been really uneventful, and socially non-existent.

I guess some people see me in real life aswell and think i'm (maybe) "normal" because i think i have good talking skills. But that doesn't mean i'm confident, it just means i know how to talk.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
984 Posts
NO NO you dont understand. I dont actually go anywhere. I always talk about past experiences. I haven't left my house unless i see my counsellor etc.

I have never had a girlfriend, and i have no job right now. My life has been really uneventful, and socially non-existent.

I guess some people see me in real life aswell and think i'm (maybe) "normal" because i think i have good talking skills. But that doesn't mean i'm confident, it just means i know how to talk.
I would just focus on getting better, worry about connecting with people later. Learning to realize that it really dosen't matter what people think about us is the most freeing thing I ever realized. It's almost like a limb you hack off but still feel.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
425 Posts
But the majority of outgoing types are very judgemental, and nasty, especially towards introverts. They laugh at people like me.
Even though you are an introvert, you should not let them laugh at you. This causes one to be depressed and feel as if their personality type is the reason for the depression, which is not true. You are an introvert because it makes you happy. Stand up for yourself whether verbally or physically.

I remember in high school some guy threw something at me in class, then I got up, walked up to him in the middle of the lecture and punched him in the face extremely hard. I then returned to my seat and the guy was so scared he didn't even move for the rest of the class. Guess what the teacher did? Absolutely NOTHING. I was not suspended, nor was I reported to the principal. He simply told me to apologize to the guy...I did but did not mean it.

Another experience. There was this guy on my basketball team who grabbed me and pinned my against the wall playfully, but even though I knew he was just joking around, I said to him "get your ****in hands off of me or you won't end up seeing tomorrow" and I was serious, at which point he just walked away.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
728 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Even though you are an introvert, you should not let them laugh at you. This causes one to be depressed and feel as if their personality type is the reason for the depression, which is not true. You are an introvert because it makes you happy. Stand up for yourself whether verbally or physically.

I remember in high school some guy threw something at me in class, then I got up, walked up to him in the middle of the lecture and punched him in the face extremely hard. I then returned to my seat and the guy was so scared he didn't even move for the rest of the class. Guess what the teacher did? Absolutely NOTHING. I was not suspended, nor was I reported to the principal. He simply told me to apologize to the guy...I did but did not mean it.

Another experience. There was this guy on my basketball team who grabbed me and pinned my against the wall playfully, but even though I knew he was just joking around, I said to him "get your ****in hands off of me or you won't end up seeing tomorrow" and I was serious, at which point he just walked away.
Sounds good, but whenever i would stand up for myself, the other guy would have about 3 guys to help him out etc.

It was always me as a minority vs the majority.

You're right, i am happy to be an introvert, its just that extroverts think i shouldn't stay in. I hate that. I never liked being told what to do. I really resent the extroverts that made my life a misery.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
425 Posts
Sounds good, but whenever i would stand up for myself, the other guy would have about 3 guys to help him out etc.

It was always me as a minority vs the majority.

You're right, i am happy to be an introvert, its just that extroverts think i shouldn't stay in. I hate that. I never liked being told what to do. I really resent the extroverts that made my life a misery.
I am aware of that. Sometimes you just are outnumber, but at the end of the day you'll feel happy that you stood up for yourself even, supposing if a fight were to break out, you would've lost. Unless of course its a fair fight, but knowing people, his friends would've jumped in.

I myself was never good at defending myself verbally, but only physically, so I can't really give you any other advice other than what you should do physically.

Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
105 Posts
The thing is, outside of a high school setting(where your given a free ticket to do anything) if you just go up to someone and punch them in the face because your ego can't take there teasing, you can go to jail.
Another thing is, you never know how tough someone is by looking at them.
Years back in school, a short (like 5'4 ) friend of mine was bullied by the school's resident "tough guy". He punched him in the jaw, and the guy's jaw completely fractured.
The guy was getting his nourishment out of a straw for months, and is probably still affected by it now, years later.
Stand up for yourself, but resort to violence only if threatened by violence is my opinion.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
560 Posts
Most definitely! Especially when I had rocked the boat because I made the effort to try and give a better educational experience and even support for a few groups. Of course new managment did not like this, got pissed everytime I did something that they would not do to enhance the experience. Then I was pretty much banned from even organizing groups that would like some supplementation/extra help. Now I am considered total garbage in the organization, people either pity me, have some contempt, and the few allies I had are feeling embarrassed to be seen with me because they have to fit in and need to keep their professional reputation in tact. No matter what I do even if it is great I will always be unpopluar unless I become rich then I would prefer they leave me alone.
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top