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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Last night my social anxiety flared up and caused a MAJOR fight with my fiance. We went to his brother and sister in law's for a dinner party-I thought it would be chill after dinner-just sitting around chatting and drinking. The six or so people at the dinner party were all in their early or mid-thirties, and after dinner a few girls in their mid twenties came over. So after dinner someone has the brilliant idea of one of those drinking games where you go around a table gulping down alcohol and trying to tip over empty plastic cups in a certain way. I'm not a big drinker anymore, and I wasn't interested in the game at all, so I sat back and tried to be patient...everyone was drinking, laughing, and "alcohol bonding". Intermittently people would ask me to join or try to offer a solution, "you can drink soda rather than alcohol and play with us". My fiance also showed some attention towards me and came over every so often to give me a hug/rub, etc. Eventually (15 minutes or so) my eyes began to fill with tears and I felt immensely alienated from this group, embarrased that I looked unhappy and unsociable. I also didn't want to ruin the mood and wanted everyone to continue enjoying themselves, including my fiance. I was afraid that he sould get angry if I said I wanted to leave and wasn't into the game. The only thing I could do was leave the situation-I told my fiance I needed some air and went downstairs. I called him in ten minutes to let him know I was nearby, but he was furious and embarrassed that I had just left the party without a reason for anyone, or without saying goodbye. Today after a lot of hurtful words and a long night, we have made up, but I am upset that this had to happen. Although my fiance will never really understand my social anxiety, we agreed that next time I can just tell him quietly that I'm not enjoying myself and am feeling anxious, and we'll tell everyone else that I'm not feeling well, and either leave together or meet up later that night, if he's enjoying himself. This is the first fight we've ever had b/c of my social anxiety in our 2.5 years ago, so I guess that's pretty good.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Btw....

I never actually went back to the party-I talked to my aunt after I called my fiance the first time, and then again in 30 minutes or so. It wasn't until the 30 minute after call that my fiance was very angry-at first he thought I was going to come back.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I didn't think the game looked fun at all....I guess I could have joined them just to feel as more of part of the group though...
 

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I've done the same thing before, told my wife I need fresh air, she's starting to understand the SA and how uncomfortable I get at those social settings.

Sometimes I go back in and attach myself to her, sit very close and she fends off the unwanted attention I receive. I'll fidget and play games on my phone, trying to block everything else out otherwise its all over and she knows we gotta leave.

It's so hard to explain everything I feel when things like that happens, hopefully I can have a few drinks before going, it seems to help sometimes...
 

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drinking games are silly. do people in their thirties still do that stuff? I did it once when i was 18, haven't bothered since. I thought that people your age have dinner parties and sit around talking politics? i must still be living in an early 1900s mindset :blank
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I agree...I was surprised by the drinking games as well-I'm wondering if the girls in their 20's that came after dinner had that idea.
It's a whole other discussion in itself about how our significant others' learn about and learn to deal with our social anxiety....
 

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It sounds like an immature game. Why should you join in if you didn't want to? I would've avoided the game also but I wouldn't let their games make me cry. Tell your fiance that the game was stupid and you didn't want to take part. Don't see it as a failure on your part simply because you didn't participate.
 
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