I do and I know it's horrible that I blame them
my mom is very shy and passive
and my stepfather is abusive and controlling
so it's like when I'm home I'm controlled and she's controlled
and then I go outside and I control myself
I make myself so anxious and afraid that I can't speak or move like a robot and end up dropping things
so I run home, back to being controlled and abused
so I blame him and I blame her
and then I go outside and blame myself for how I act out there
so is it possible that there is a correlation between how I am treated inside and how I act so anxious outside?
my stepdad says no and tells me I'm just lazy and useless and to stop blaming others and that its all in my distorted head
but then...how did it get so distorted?
before I met him I liked being me

at least I think I was happy