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was this the case for anyones parents? what was your opinion on your parents choice to do this? how do you feel it effected you?
 

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was this the case for anyones parents? what was your opinion on your parents choice to do this? how do you feel it effected you?
I remember @ the age of around 7 we were going some where in the car,
They turned round to me in the back seat; "If we get divorced you're going in to the orphanage"
it was said with such malice that I never got over that.
I know theres a lot more, but I dont really wanna drag that up, my dad coming home at three am and kicking in the kitchen window, my mom attacking him with a frying pan and carving knife, Being told by one "get the police now", and then being told by the other; "that'll be the last thing you do.."
 

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I remember @ the age of around 7 we were going some where in the car,
They turned round to me in the back seat; "If we get divorced you're going in to the orphanage"
it was said with such malice that I never got over that.
I know theres a lot more, but I dont really wanna drag that up, my dad coming home at three am and kicking in the kitchen window, my mom attacking him with a frying pan and carving knife, Being told by one "get the police now", and then being told by the other; "that'll be the last thing you do.."
Yeah, I was in the same boat with my family. I don't see how two people who hate each other can live together in peace. It's certainly not in the benefit of the children. I would say it's more for financial reasons, and perhaps to save face with themselves or the community.
 

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Dancing on my own
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My parents are happily married 30 years this April 2012, so I never had to worry about or go through that, but I do not agree with staying together just for the children. It's better to see their parents truly happy with someone else, than always at each other throats all the time with each other. That's not healthy for the child to see.
 

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subtastic
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I know of couples who should have gotten divorces and didn't, but it was really more for financial/religious reasons than "for the children." In any case, the kids definitely did not have a good time, whether their parents stayed together for the children's benefit or not.
 

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Yeah, I was in the same boat with my family. I don't see how two people who hate each other can live together in peace. It's certainly not in the benefit of the children. I would say it's more for financial reasons, and perhaps to save face with themselves or the community.
This was pretty much the case with my parents. My mom's the kind of person who doesn't like admit that she has issues. I think she stuck with her marriage out of pure pride, and some misguided belief that it would be good for me. Really neither of my parents had the courage to get divorced, and they didn't have the means to live separately, so they just kind of muddled it out. They fought all the time, and they don't respect each other, and yet they tried to put up this huge front for my sake that in most cases was completely transparent. I agree, it isn't healthy for any of the parties involved.
 

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Mine stayed together for a long time for us kids and I am truly grateful for that. Wouldn't have it another way. They eventually split when I got to high school and things went downhill from there. At least they were polite to each other when living together. Neither one is happy now and I haven't spoken to my dad in years because I grew to hate his guts after he left.
 

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My parents stayed together for about a decade past the expiration date on their marriage - my dad, for the kids; my mom, for financial reasons. There was always an atmosphere of anxiety, "walking on eggshells," resentment, passive-aggression, and being ignored in my house. My mother really had nothing to do with my family growing up, save for when she needed us to do something for her. My parents didn't ever talk to each other, except when necessary, and slept in separate bedrooms for most of my childhood. Luckily, though, the screaming fighting fits were few and far between. It was normal for me, having grown up with them, but looking back now, I can sort of see why it might have caused some problems. I have no idea how at affected me, personally, though. If at all.

I wish they'd divorced sooner, for my dad's sake, but what's done is done I guess.

I'm biased, I know. It could work for some families, I suppose.
 

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This is really horrible but I honestly think my parents are still together only because my mum loves the house so much. She left him twice but came back both times basically because she missed the house. I do think she's also grown accustomed to being with my dad, even though she used to spend so much of her time ranting to me about what a horrible person he is. I think my dad is a bit deluded and thinks they have some sort of great relationship but there's always hints of resentment on her part. It was a lot worse when I was younger. They were both a passive-aggressive nightmare, sulking and *****ing at one another. And I was the eight year-old therapist for my mum. :roll

Since she last went back, she finally stopped complaining to me about him and I feel like he doesn't really frustrate her to the degree that he used to, but like I said, I can still see resentment in her eyes...

I think the whole 'stay together for the kids' thing is cruel, tbh. Parents are meant to set a good example of what a healthy relationship is. If I followed my parent's example, I'd be in a pretty shtty relationship.
 

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This is really horrible but I honestly think my parents are still together only because my mum loves the house so much. She left him twice but came back both times basically because she missed the house. I do think she's also grown accustomed to being with my dad, even though she used to spend so much of her time ranting to me about what a horrible person he is. I think my dad is a bit deluded and thinks they have some sort of great relationship but there's always hints of resentment on her part. It was a lot worse when I was younger. They were both a passive-aggressive nightmare, sulking and *****ing at one another. And I was the eight year-old therapist for my mum. :roll
my story is extremely similar to yours. my parents' relationship has been terrible for as long as I can remember. they would have loud screaming fights and swear and name-call in front of me and my brothers ever since we were kids. my mom would pretty much just try to escape, either by drinking and acting like a fool or working as much as possible so she'd never have to be home. they'd also definitely pull the machiavellian thing and badmouth one another to their children and try to get us to favor one of them over the other. my mom absolutely loathes my dad. I can't understand why she doesn't leave, but I think it's largely because of the money thing. after raising his children and dedicating more than 30 miserable years to him, she feels entitled to at least have a nice house to live in.

I'm sure they deluded themselves into thinking it's all "for the kids," though, which is what most people in that situation are: delusional. if you're not happy and your home is an unhappy place, your kids are going to pick up on it and be unhappy themselves. so yes, go ahead and stay "for the kids" if you want your kids to eventually struggle with trust and commitment issues, non-existent self-esteem, and crushing despair.

edit: just noticed this is my "lucky 7's" post...too bad it had to be such a miserable one. lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I'm not picking up a lot of sympathy for the parents here. What would you do if you got married and with a couple of kids, 4 and 6, your marriage fell apart? it's a case of picking the worst of a bad bunch of choices. chance of remarry? have a step dad? single parent? how do you support the kids?
what is the correct thing to do?
 

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if you're not happy and your home is an unhappy place, your kids are going to pick up on it and be unhappy themselves.
I totally agree. Children cannot help but absorb and respond to the emotional states of their parents.

A miserable marriage gets in the way of good parenting --it's not fair to use your children as an excuse to stay miserable.

If it is due to financial/practical reasons, I think it would be best to talk openly about it. If the parties involved are mature/reasonable then staying together for strategic purpose is possible... but the delusion people have about marriage/relationships makes it hard for them to act rationally when things go sour.

I used to wish my mother had the courage to leave my father... seeing how it made her hollow filled me with sadness, guilt, and resentment. Too bad there's no divorce procedure in my country.
 

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My parents stayed in an aggressive,loveless marriage for the sake of their kids, my sibling and I.I'm grateful to my mother for staying with my worthless alcoholic father, because at least that meant there was food on the table.Dear old dad provided for us, but that's all he did..
 

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I'll say this. I'm no parent but if my mother and father stayed together for the sake of the children I'm sure my mother would have hit a wall at one point and slipped into a severe depression.
 
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I am glad mine didn't stay together. They divorced when I was 2. The handful of times I did see him, I didn't care for him much. Children can pick up on things if the parents stay together which often times causes resentment later in life.

I did experience issues as a child because he never bothered to see me. About 2 or 3 times a year, if that much. Looking back on it now though, an absent father was better than experiencing a loveless and resentful marriage between parents.
 

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I've have had 9 stepdads, all divorced by my mom. My mom would always come to my room and blame me for the divorce, saying if I wasn't born she would've had a happier life. No wonder I got booted out when I was young, not like the 3 more after that were any good psh.
 

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I think my parents begrudgingly stayed together so they can try and outlast one another. They have a love/hate relationship and seem to make it work. Even though they often times fight. I haven't talked to them in months and wouldn't be surprised to learn they died in a murder-suicide.
 

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Pretty sad to read about so many broken homes, doesn't make me overly confident for my married future :S. Thankfully my parents are happily married for 25 or so years and we have a very supportive and happy household, certainly one of those things I take for granted I think.
 
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