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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Can anyone shed any light on what might be causing this, or what it may be a symptom of? For years now I've had this recurring paranoid thought that I was abused by someone as a child. I don't have any memory of this, but it's a thought I cannot get rid of.

Also, I get very paranoid when I have a bath or shower, and can't get rid of the thought that someone (my dad) has hidden cameras in these rooms, or that someone is watching me through the window/ keyhole, or looking through the gap between the door and the doorframe. The curtains in my bedroom are very thin and I get really scared being in my room at night when it's dark outside and I've got lights on, because I worry someone is watching me. I also worry that when I'm sleeping, someone might be watching me from outside.

I do not think I have OCD or psychosis, but I do feel paranoid about these things everyday. Are these kinds of thoughts just a part of anxiety?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for your reply locsaf. :) Yes, these thoughts are intrusive and pop into my head randomly. I can rationally dismiss them but they won't go away. I'm too scared to check outside at night! I do tell myself there is no way cameras could be hidden anywhere, but I always doubt my own reassurance and come back to the thought that it could still be possible. When I'm, ahem, naked, I always feel I'm being watched, particularly in the shower or bath. I'm really interested in finding out where these thoughts came from but I can't think of any possible reason. They don't seem to occur when I'm anxious, they just randomly come into my head, and always whenever I go into the bathroom.
 

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Gentle Impulsion
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The point is though, that what's the worst that can happen? even if someone is watching you, they aren't hurting you. just something to think about haha, i used to have those same kind of feelings. unfortunately my dad was the kind of person that would do something like that... and on more than one occasion i was actually abused physically. but that's another story lol. xD
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
The point is though, that what's the worst that can happen? even if someone is watching you, they aren't hurting you. just something to think about haha, i used to have those same kind of feelings. unfortunately my dad was the kind of person that would do something like that... and on more than one occasion i was actually abused physically. but that's another story lol. xD
I'm sorry that happened to you :cuddle My dad sometimes did weird, suggestive things when I was younger but nothing close to abuse. Maybe that's where the paranoia came from. I know that someone watching me wouldn't be hurting me, but I'm also paranoid that they'll try to break in and rape/ murder me. I try to rationalise but am always very scared and suspicious about what's going on outside my house at night :roll
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hehe, I love the word 'frolicking' :p I live with my parents at the moment so I can't really wander round nude :( I didn't have a problem with it when I lived with my boyfriend in our flat, but we were in a big building and I felt much safer there than I do at my parents' house.
I think I may bring this up at my appointment next week. Thanks for your advice, locsaf, it's really helpful :) My dad didn't do anything physically abusive, but he'd say weird things that were clearly inappropriate and made me really uncomfortable. He also used to comment on my appearance when I was going through puberty which made me very uneasy. I don't know, I guess I need to talk to a therapist.
 

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Gentle Impulsion
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it's ok!! =] it's still hard to see my dad but at least he's nicer now that he's not living with me lol. =D
 

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hyper-aware

hi tutliputli,it sounds to me you're always hyper aware of everything all of the time,when im in my bedroom,the bathroom or outside im always aware that someone could see me and this can even stop me acting naturally,(does this sound the same as with you?) maybe it is more present when you're depressed as then you dont have the confidence to be yourself.maybe im way off the mark but i just tell myself to be myself and not let it bother you what other people think.
 

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When it comes to transportation, I usually get the most paranoid thoughts, such as getting in a car and hoping you don't get in an accident. Or when planes/jet fly over my house and make this really loud noise. I get paranoid that they're gonna crash.
I have also become weary of whenever I use the Internet. Sometimes, I feel like people are tracking me down and watching my every move. Paranoia is so compulsive, and I wish thoughts like that would just end!
 

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I've had the same paranoid thought about being abused as a child... particularly by my father (even though I had no memories or evidence or even reason to believe it). I get all sorts of paranoid thoughts like that when I am very depressed or very stressed out. Medication has helped quiet those thoughts tremendously (particularly, antipsychotics for acute episodes, and celexa (or some antidepressant) to prevent them from coming back.

Your thoughts are paranoid but not bizarre, and your thoughts are not disorganized, so those are two plusses for you. You would probably respond well to medication if you are not already on any. While it doesn't sound like acute psychosis (because you have some insight that your thoughts may be irrational), I know how uncomfortable those kinds of thoughts can be, because they FEEL very real, whether or not you are fully convinced they are true. There is always that lingering doubt that you can't get rid of, no matter how hard you try. I know the feeling. Sucks, doesn't it?

When I have those paranoid thoughts, I always ask myself, "Am I 100% sure that this thought is true" and usually the answer is "no" (If I were schizophrenic, I would likely be 100% convinced, because my thinking would be illogical). While it doesn't make me feel better, it prevents me from doing anything really stupid like starting a fight or cussing someone out.
 

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I used to feel what you feel, but I just started telling myself that it's ridiculous. Eventually it just went away. However, if I'm home alone I get paranoid that someone could break in or is watching through the windows so I shut the blinds and set the alarm.

I believe that I was abused as a child and I have memories of it, I think was 3 years old.
 
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