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I started to think about my place in this world and it really got me depressed. I am 28 years old and my SAD has destroyed my life up to this point. I have gotten average to low grades throughout my educational experience through college. I never joined any clubs nor participated in any extracurricular activities. I haven't had a single friend for 10 years (although I have had 3 girlfriends during this period). I wanted to be enthusiastic and go the extra-mile at work but I just did not have the brain energy to do so. As you probably know, being completely self-conscious all the time puts tremendous strain on the brain. My father and girlfriend has been having to support me financially and emotionally for long stretches of time. I have been thinking about my place in this world. What am I doing here? What's the advantage? All I do is consume and not produce. I take but don't give anything back. How can anyone live their life without being able to have relationships with others? I hear that the humans are social animals. We all depend on one another to get through life. We need contacts to advance in business. We just need other people in our life to give us some help. But, I am so damn scared of people! My brain screams to run away whenever I am around people. If I cannot get comfortable and lower the intensity of my fear response then I will die a failure; a waste of space. That is my greatest fear. This is my motivation. Learn to take back control over my fear or die. No, I don't mean suicide if I fail, by the way. I just wanted to get that off my chest.
 

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I was the same person a few years ago. All those fear of being around and rejected, failure of being social around peers, it has taken strain on my social life before. But I learnt to get off my shell and face life as is. Its all about the mind set. There's a vast horizon out there waiting for you, buddy. All you have to do is discover life.



Rafael
 

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I've had a lot of similar thoughts. I'm scared a lot i'll amount to nothing. And i want to give back, well i want to produce something, i really want to become an artist. I'ts the only thing that makes any sense to me.

Good luck
 

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Yeah, I know what you mean.

If you have particularly painful thoughts that you feel the need to suppress, I suggest looking at this site. I found it very compassionate and helpful.

http://www.have-a-heart.com/depression.html

I would consider an antidepressant, not just for the anxiety, but for the depression. I would also question the belief that social anxiety has ruined your life. While it definitely makes life more challenging, you've got plenty of years left in you. I think you will find that once the depression is relieved, the social anxiety will be a little easier to tackle. It may be counterintuitive from a depressed person's point of view but psychiatrists and therapists give priority to treating depression over anxiety.
 

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Your post resonated so much with the things I'm going through. I'm currently in my last year at college and have the daunting responsibility of getting internships and looking at jobs. The problem is I'd rather stay put inside my house and avoid contact with people at all cost. To make matters worse, the association/club I joined at school (but have not gone to a social gathering) is always making the point to get involved, otherwise, you will not be successful. I also feel resentment because they are all extroverts and I'm the one person who is shy and quiet. And everyone one in my major knows everybody, so it is another issue of wondering if everybody talks about me when I'm not around.

On top of a plethora of personal problems, I get really depressed, and I wonder what exactly is going to happen with me. I can't even explain it to my family and boyfriend. They just don't get it.

But I do thank you for sharing. It is comforting to me to know I'm not alone.
 
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