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Hi all. Been in a relationship now for nearly 3 years and i can't believe how stupid i have been.

This woman is a master manipulator, the best actor i have ever known! She has been emotionally blackmailing, isolating, gaslighting and threatening me for most of the relationship. In the past she has used suicide,guilt,police,cancer,LIES..anything to keep me!! I did leave that time but unfortunately her friend got to me and guess where my missing passport was.. The most painful thing is when i was planning to leave her after the first year, i was speaking to some amazing people about moving to them. My girlfriend got in the picture and stole all those potential friends, bad mouthed the **** out of me and is still talking with them behind my back. She uses my worst vulnerabilties against me, in this case: People! Specifically FRIENDSHIPS and FAMILY! That situation with those people probably doesn't sound bad but its actually probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me, it has been traumitising me all night! It feels 1000 times worse then my first girlfriend who cheated on me with 3 guys..and hey, i didn't do anything with her! I guess that was only 3 weeks though. And for ****s sakes this woman is THIRTY TWO, why does she need to get her horrible claws into a man who was only 19 years young and alone?

I remember before this completely insane relationship i knew the last thing i ever wanted was a relationship until i had sorted my problems out, because i know that if i help myself i will be able to have healthy relationships with girls instead of all the destructive ones i have seen 95% of the time. Well guess what?

**** RELATIONSHIPS. I am going to be able to talk to who i want, when i want, where i want!! Hopefully without this psychopath copying or following everything i want to do,go,achieve and be. I won't have to put up with any lies, the masks, trying to understand what the hell is going on. Why would i share my deepest truths and be honest with someone closely just so they can come use it against me in agony? I think after being so goddamn isolated for so long..why wouldn't i speak to all the beautiful people?

WOOHOO I'M GOING TO BE FREE
 

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Relationships should be more of a positive experience than that of a negative one, if there's more negatives then damn it's time you jumped ship.
 

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And for ****s sakes this woman is THIRTY TWO, why does she need to get her horrible claws into a man who was only 19 years young and alone?
She wanted someone who was malleable. She has her own insecurities and used you to provide herself with a sense of control and comfort.
 

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Cursed and Despised
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I don't care how dysfunctional the relationship or wacky she acted, I am still jealous that you lasted 3 years with someone. That is more than I can say and I am 36. And you had another girlfriend before her... all I had were a few brief flings...

I don't know if you cut her off completely yet, but if you deep down have some feelings for her, no matter how abusive she was in some ways, if she calls you up at some point, you may decide to see her again... very weird what people put up with as an alternative to being alone.

The problem with older women is they are better in bed (no offense) so they are addictive plus she probably saw things you didn't see or saw you as easier to manipulate...

Still great that you lasted 3 years, as bad as it got at times.
 

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I'm a Spartan.
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Relationships should be more of a positive experience than that of a negative one, if there's more negatives then damn it's time you jumped ship.
^^ Real talk.
 

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I don't care how dysfunctional the relationship or wacky she acted, I am still jealous that you lasted 3 years with someone. That is more than I can say and I am 36. And you had another girlfriend before her... all I had were a few brief flings...

I don't know if you cut her off completely yet, but if you deep down have some feelings for her, no matter how abusive she was in some ways, if she calls you up at some point, you may decide to see her again... very weird what people put up with as an alternative to being alone.

The problem with older women is they are better in bed (no offense) so they are addictive plus she probably saw things you didn't see or saw you as easier to manipulate...

Still great that you lasted 3 years, as bad as it got at times.
No don't do that, the best thing you can do when dealing with someone like that is cut them out of your life forever.
 

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It's good that you got rid of that relationship, OP.
It's going to take a long time to recover from all this, but what you said here:
"I remember before this completely insane relationship i knew the last thing i ever wanted was a relationship until i had sorted my problems out, because i know that if i help myself i will be able to have healthy relationships with girls instead of all the destructive ones i have seen 95% of the time." is really sensible.

Relationships are always going to be a risk (even if you have the "best possible" settings for it), but maybe eventually you'll find that risk worthwhile again. The risk certainly gets smaller if you follow your own advice that I quoted.

I don't care how dysfunctional the relationship or wacky she acted, I am still jealous that you lasted 3 years with someone. That is more than I can say and I am 36. And you had another girlfriend before her... all I had were a few brief flings...

I don't know if you cut her off completely yet, but if you deep down have some feelings for her, no matter how abusive she was in some ways, if she calls you up at some point, you may decide to see her again... very weird what people put up with as an alternative to being alone.

The problem with older women is they are better in bed (no offense) so they are addictive plus she probably saw things you didn't see or saw you as easier to manipulate...

Still great that you lasted 3 years, as bad as it got at times.
:no :no :no :no :no
 

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It sounds like she has bipolar or something similar. I don't blame you for wanting out, I would have reacted the same way.
No, not really. I could think of a few more likely diagnosis before bipolar tbh (borderline for starters), and even those wouldn't be clear from just the information here.
 

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the last song ♥
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cancer? o_O
 

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It's good that you got rid of that relationship, OP.
It's going to take a long time to recover from all this, but what you said here:
"I remember before this completely insane relationship i knew the last thing i ever wanted was a relationship until i had sorted my problems out, because i know that if i help myself i will be able to have healthy relationships with girls instead of all the destructive ones i have seen 95% of the time." is really sensible.

Relationships are always going to be a risk (even if you have the "best possible" settings for it), but maybe eventually you'll find that risk worthwhile again. The risk certainly gets smaller if you follow your own advice that I quoted.

:no :no :no :no :no
Care to elaborate? I seem to irk most women on this site especially 21 or under no offense, I just see a pattern...
 

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I don't know about all that, as far as "destructive relationships" they are all destructive or dysfunctional on some level, some more than others I guess... If you are also not working out your problems or communicating, they can be destructive in a different way... Sometimes screaming and yelling at someone is better than "politeness" because you get out your frustration and get to the root of the problem.

Amphoteric said:
"Relationships are always going to be a risk (even if you have the "best possible" settings for it), but maybe eventually you'll find that risk worthwhile again. The risk certainly gets smaller if you follow your own advice that I quoted."

This is full of generalizations... no offense but you are looking at everything too practically in my opinion... the specific girl he dated was playing games and acting erratically to say the least. In my case, I would still rather deal with all that stress than be alone in my apartment, that is just me though.

As far as "working on yourself first before getting into a relationship" If you are not functioning at all in society in general, (such as myself, to be honest) you might need to work on yourself first, but I also don't buy into that... Some guys with girlfriends are completely dysfunctional, angry, physically or mentally abusive possibly... there are still girls willing to put up with them.... in my case, a girlfriend would fix some of my problems that stem from being unsatisfied/lonely. As far as "being ready" and "working on myself first" I find that to be a cliche for the most part.
 

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Care to elaborate? I seem to irk most women on this site especially 21 or under no offense, I just see a pattern...
Your second post dealt with a lot of the same things as the first one, so I'll quote and reply to that (and try to keep it short :p):

I don't know about all that, as far as "destructive relationships" they are all destructive or dysfunctional on some level, some more than others I guess... If you are also not working out your problems or communicating, they can be destructive in a different way... Sometimes screaming and yelling at someone is better than "politeness" because you get out your frustration and get to the root of the problem.
Of course it's better to be honest about what's going on. Screaming and yelling might be what's needed at some point, but if all conflicts are dealt with in that manner, it gets extremely taxing and not beneficial anymore.

Amphoteric said:
"Relationships are always going to be a risk (even if you have the "best possible" settings for it), but maybe eventually you'll find that risk worthwhile again. The risk certainly gets smaller if you follow your own advice that I quoted."

This is full of generalizations... no offense but you are looking at everything too practically in my opinion... the specific girl he dated was playing games and acting erratically to say the least. In my case, I would still rather deal with all that stress than be alone in my apartment, that is just me though.
You can't really know how you'd actually deal with a situation like that. Sure, now it might seem better than being alone, but in reality there are worse things than loneliness.
A relationship can end up being very toxic for both of the partners, especially if the case is like the one OP described.
The way of thinking like "any relationship is better than no relationship" usually gets busted when you actually get some relationship experience (especially the negative kind)

As far as "working on yourself first before getting into a relationship" If you are not functioning at all in society in general, (such as myself, to be honest) you might need to work on yourself first, but I also don't buy into that... Some guys with girlfriends are completely dysfunctional, angry, physically or mentally abusive possibly... there are still girls willing to put up with them.... in my case, a girlfriend would fix some of my problems that stem from being unsatisfied/lonely. As far as "being ready" and "working on myself first" I find that to be a cliche for the most part.
There are healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships. The former takes a lot more work than the latter, and is a lot better for you in the long run.
Sticking with a partner who mentally/physically abuses you is not staying in a good/healthy relationship. Why do people do it then? I don't want to get into analyzing this all too much, but the false sense of stability could be one reason.
 

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Pardon me if I don't take your word for it, since I have the impression you're being incredibly biased.

She's looking to you for support. And you're so weak you don't even have the ability to stand up for yourself. That's the problem.
While it's good to have a supportive partner and to be supportive you still shouldn't treat them like your therapist and emotionally manipulate them like that, just because you have 'problems'. I've seen so many people-males and females, abuse their partners and then cry excuses like 'I'm just trying to protect her' or 'My mom is dead'. Well boo-hoo, it doesn't excuse treating your partner like crap and manipulating them because you're so dependent.

Abusive relationships screw up people. I'm also mostly saying this in reply to Conquer Fear's posts.
 

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While it's good to have a supportive partner and to be supportive you still shouldn't treat them like your therapist and emotionally manipulate them like that, just because you have 'problems'. I've seen so many people-males and females, abuse their partners and then cry excuses like 'I'm just trying to protect her' or 'My mom is dead'. Well boo-hoo, it doesn't excuse treating your partner like crap and manipulating them because you're so dependent.
You don't need to be their therapist, and you shouldn't. It's about being a pillar of support for someone you care about. You're not there to emotionally coddle them and feed what little self-esteem they have, and I fully endorse shutting down their little manipulative tactics.

But ultimately you're there for them. My gf knows that whatever crap comes her way I can handle and I think that's important to promote this level of security.

I don't like making commitments, because when I do, I'm committed. This means I pour my heart and soul into it at full throttle; no backing out, no backing down. I don't like to hear people whine about how, after they got themselves into a commitment, they want to break it and can't admit that they just want to break their word because they can't handle it. Instead they throw petty little tantrums about how it's another person's fault.

You want to play the game you step up.
 

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I am not saying it is a mistake to break up with her... I am just saying it won't be as easy as he makes it out to be... if she is older she probably seduced him and played mind games... regardless, if it lasted 3 years, no matter how horrible she treated him, still will be hard to let go... at least would be for me...
 
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