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Discussion Starter #1
I have no problem speaking up in class usually.. Or talking to people Im with or i meet if i go out on Sat.

But i hardly ever become close to people. I dont really feel like i belong anywhere. It seems like no amount of socializing with people ever changes that. I have been in college for 2 years in a different city though. Wtf...

I guess im spoiled i had a best friend when i was in middle school and high school. I mean a REALLY good friend but i lost her because we both went to different schools and she just never talks much anymore. I kinda understand we are both busy but still..

What do you think is my issue? I want to join a city club thats not connected to my school really bad but im worried i wont have time for it when the school semester starts in fall.
 

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For the most part, I'm about as outgoing as a turtle. LOL

But once in a while, I throw caution to the wind, and head down to the club district for a night of dancing! Yes!
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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People have always come and gone from life to. Haven't had a best friend in a long time. I can't figure out what is wrong with me or why I can't keep friends. I know something is wrong but no matter how much I think about it, I can't find the answer.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
For the most part, I'm about as outgoing as a turtle. LOL

But once in a while, I throw caution to the wind, and head down to the club district for a night of dancing! Yes!
I am outgoing but also "crazy", apparently. Whatever that means :no
 

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Discussion Starter #5
People have always come and gone from life to. Haven't had a best friend in a long time. I can't figure out what is wrong with me or why I can't keep friends. I know something is wrong but no matter how much I think about it, I can't find the answer.
Do you talk to them a lot?? My problem is i dont follow up on people. I know i could, but my comfort zone tells me, '**** it'. I always feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable trying to find people and say hi again. I feel like i dont know how. I know that sounds ridiculous but its true.

I hate going up to people I've known and trying to make an empty conversation for the sake of keeping up wtih them. I am afraid they are thinking "Why do you even bother ?" Empty conversations suck. They are timewasters IMO blah. I hate smalltalk.
 

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I am actually a very extroverted person. I need connection with others and do much of my thinking through conversations.
Also, I am outgoing.

However, it is sometimes that I feel I can't shut up. I am waiting to say something inappropriate or awkward. I'm afraid of these moments. I usually end up rambling because I'm overthinking what I'm saying.

Additionally, I do fine in groups where I assume they have low moral character or are uneducated.
 

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I have no problem with talking to people these days. But I still struggle with making real connections.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Does anyone have advice on following up on people? I know i should just go say hi but i feel awkward doing that.


When I was young I was way to clingy and learned the hard way not to be. Now i am not clingy enough holy lol...
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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Do you talk to them a lot?? My problem is i dont follow up on people. I know i could, but my comfort zone tells me, '**** it'. I always feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable trying to find people and say hi again. I feel like i dont know how. I know that sounds ridiculous but its true.
My SA has sort of had a reverse effect where I try too hard to hide my SA so I end up talking or trying to come across as social. I think it's because people use to call me quiet all the time and it really bothered me, it bothered me so much that I never wanted to be called quiet again. I joke around more than I talk though.

If I find that I am drifting from somebody that was really important to me, then I do try to converse with them whenever I can but alot of the people I meet seem to have no interest in getting to know me so I think that's a huge chunk of it right there. If I ask them to hang out after work and they say "maybe" or "can't, going to hang out with my boyfriend" then I take it a little personal and think "so in other words you have something better to do" and it kind of just makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I need to work on that.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
My SA has sort of had a reverse effect where I try too hard to hide my SA so I end up talking or trying to come across as social. I think it's because people use to call me quiet all the time and it really bothered me, it bothered me so much that I never wanted to be called quiet again. I joke around more than I talk though.

If I find that I am drifting from somebody that was really important to me, then I do try to converse with them whenever I can but alot of the people I meet seem to have no interest in getting to know me so I think that's a huge chunk of it right there. If I ask them to hang out after work and they say "maybe" or "can't, going to hang out with my boyfriend" then I take it a little personal and think "so in other words you have something better to do" and it kind of just makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I need to work on that.
I am like the opposite.. I used to be really clingy and didn't understand that was a bad thing. Now im never clingy.

You should try and make it a daily effort to find a middle ground. Talk to people when you REALLY want to talk. I mean when you feel genuinly interested in something and want to discuss it with them. Genuine conversations that are meaningful. Or genuine joking.

If I have learned anything its that nervous feelings make for false/ unnatural conversations and those can be jarring.

I always have a head full of anxiety. Half the time im not even aware of what i want to say but the more i practice trying to be aware of what I REALY want to say, the easier it is for people to talk and unravel around me.

IT could be you are trying to hard.
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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It could be but I don't know. I always figured showing interest in someone would make them like you more. I'm definitely not clingy, I think I might be too picky about who I hang out with actually. I'm looking for more like a group of friends that I know will always be there and not people who are going to go off to school and drift away. I never tell them that though.

Don't you find that planning out what your going to say makes it harder to get it out like you planned in your head? Do you have anxiety around people that you've been around for awhile or have worked with for quite awhile and have got to know them?
 

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Discussion Starter #12
No I dont have anxiety around people i know. Although room mates.. Yes kind of sometimes. But its not so bad.

As for thinking about what you say, yes and no. Er i guess it depends on who im talking to. Usually when i act like myself people respond better. Its easier to relax because you get past that point of worrying after other person opens up and relaxes too. Its eomthing you eas into it doesn't happen over night.

Thinking about what you say before you say it is really important though. I still have a habbit of saying wierd things just randomly and I hate that. Its ONLY when im nervous that i do that though. So I try to get into conversations as smoothly as possible to avoid being nervous altogether. At least when im in public that works.

Still. Its like i still avoid it. I remember being a kid in middle school and being able to joke around and goof off with people freely. Now its like im sooo constrained. (high school happened )

I did not have anyone to laugh with for the longest time so i kind forgot how to laugh genuinly. I think that also might be my problem. I am not exactly serious/lacking a sense of humor, but around people im like a pressurized can. I laugh at internet jokes because they are floating around. I wish my friend debby was ****ing around sighhh.
 

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I've joined groups before at school - to try to socialize + have something to add to my resume. I joined in on activities, chatted with acquaintences, and yet no one ever wanted to meet up for coffee or anything. People are (allegidly) too busy.
So...even if you join a group, it doesen't mean you'll make friends. just try to develop skills at school, go out and find a job,...be comfident in the skills you have for your career.
So far I've learned that's the best I can do, with my level of SA.
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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Thinking about what you say before you say it is really important though. I still have a habbit of saying wierd things just randomly and I hate that. Its ONLY when im nervous that i do that though. So I try to get into conversations as smoothly as possible to avoid being nervous altogether. At least when im in public that works.
I say random s**t all the time. I get the double looks and the crooked smiles and the wide eyes all the time. I've also had people walk away from me. I think I do it for the attention though. Sometimes I have really good stories that I want to share with people but it never comes out the way I planned it in my head. I try to talk really smooth and slow but sometimes I talk really fast because I think that people are bored with me talking and probably use extra words that aren't really needed. I suck at telling stories.
 

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I say random s**t all the time. I get the double looks and the crooked smiles and the wide eyes all the time. I've also had people walk away from me. I think I do it for the attention though. Sometimes I have really good stories that I want to share with people but it never comes out the way I planned it in my head. I try to talk really smooth and slow but sometimes I talk really fast because I think that people are bored with me talking and probably use extra words that aren't really needed. I suck at telling stories.
I hardley ever think about what I say before I say it. everything comes out automatically the second the other person stops talking. My mom tells me "think before you say anything"....and I think to myself "well jeez then I'd never be able to talk at all!"
if I thought about every single thing I want to say, I'd have to:
1. come up with a response in my head
2. think to myself "what ways can this be interpreted by the other person?"
3. is there anything I shoulden't say? or if I do say it, can I defend it and they'll believe me instead of trying to attack me
3. is there smething else I should say instead?

I would have to be patient and probably every single answer would be delayed by a minute or so. I would hate that b/c I have absolutely no patience whatsoever! I don't want to overthink what I'm going to say b/c I don't think ppl should take what other ppl tell them seriously unless they're yelling.
 

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believe it or not i am exactly same... i find it rather easy to talk to people but maybe not as much for a group but one on one is kinda easy for me but my problem is like you i never connect to people and i find it hard making friends with people i have just met.:sus
 
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