I can't believe that there are other people, my age dealing with this. I feel incredibly sad for all of the young people who have this SAD on all of the other forums i just looked at. I just joined in b/c I don't think that anyone that doesn't have emotional issues gets it!
other 40 somethings out there with this?
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sometimes people think I'm being mean when I'm just in a panic
sometimes people think you're mean for not being able to do things. I think I'm misread all of the time. When you are all grown up and still can't feel comfortable getting a haircut or manicure Family and friends just think that you're cheap or bad or anything other than the truth,,,,which is scarred to death that I'm going to do something wrong. Like Tip incorrectly or just not being able to tell the stylist what kind of haircut I want. I'm soooooo frustrated!
sometimes people think you're mean for not being able to do things. I think I'm misread all of the time. When you are all grown up and still can't feel comfortable getting a haircut or manicure Family and friends just think that you're cheap or bad or anything other than the truth,,,,which is scarred to death that I'm going to do something wrong. Like Tip incorrectly or just not being able to tell the stylist what kind of haircut I want. I'm soooooo frustrated!
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371 Posts
I'll be 40 in two years.
SA was the worst between my early teens and mid-twenties.
I'm happy to say that it has improved greatly during the last year or two. I grew more content with myself and my situation.
But due to the long timespan with very intense SA, I irreversably missed out on many things in the past. I'm now working on finding substitutes for them.
SA was the worst between my early teens and mid-twenties.
I'm happy to say that it has improved greatly during the last year or two. I grew more content with myself and my situation.
But due to the long timespan with very intense SA, I irreversably missed out on many things in the past. I'm now working on finding substitutes for them.
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6,445 Posts
Oh yes,we're here!!-You would think by observing this forum that everyone's young-16 to 25.- I've come to believe after a time people resign themselves to this and no longer question it. The rest of us are stubborn and maybe a little stronger?? I don't know. Stick around,it gets interesting here!!
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177,223 Posts
I was diagnosed in late '99, my counselor told me I was the worse case she'd ever seen. It's slowly gotten better since then but I still have lots of problems being out in public.
Welcome Janie.
Welcome Janie.
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808 Posts
I just turned 41. My normal shyness turned into Social Phobia in my mid 20s. I'd like to, and try to, be encouraging to the younger people on here but then I worry they look at my age and say, "Well, look how long she's had it! Oh no, there's no hope!" But I do still have hope.
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428 Posts
I'm 45 with three children. I've been this way since I was a little kid; I just didn't always know what it was. I don't exactly have hope of it ever going away, but with age I've gained acceptance of myself, and self-acceptance in itself seems to offer some healing. I've learned to cope . . . does avoidance count as coping? Well I've learned to survive the best I can in the world, and feel like I've developed some attributes I might not otherwise have if I hadn't lived with this my entire life. I just got back from my daughter-in-law's college graduation, and feel a kind of sadness that I wasn't able to complete college myself because my SA was so severe, and therefore have never had the type of career I would have liked, just jobs. I've done the best I can though, and try to remind myself that if I were anybody else, I'd tell them that the best they can has to be good enough. :O)
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I'm similar. Just turned 40 & increasing shyness turned full on phobia around 20/21 or so I would guess. Maybe sooner but definitely by early 20's. I have those thoughts on the age thing being viewed like that. I personally didn't have a support group or any idea what to do about it. I thought becoming a shut in would be a solution . My whole goal was to create as stress free a life as possible & that did work for a decade. I still have hope too but it's like a fishing bob or a person out in the ocean. I've floated on my back & dog paddled looking for the life line for so long I go under sometimes losing hope. then bob back up for a minute having hope to find the saving rope again. It is getting worse as time passes & I'm afraid if I don't find a successful solution I'll go under for good.I just turned 41. My normal shyness turned into Social Phobia in my mid 20s. I'd like to, and try to, be encouraging to the younger people on here but then I worry they look at my age and say, "Well, look how long she's had it! Oh no, there's no hope!" But I do still have hope.
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529 Posts
Definitely feel you on all the above.
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65 Posts
I'm 48 and looking back I know I've had SA probably since I was born. In my teens I thought adult life would kind of "automatically" get better because I would...I guess figure it out somehow, and that other people would be grown up and doing what they were "supposed" to be doing.:no Didn't work that way..:| One of the main reasons I joined here was my realization that my coping skills from over the years, were creating a new sub-set of problems. For example, I've realized that I have alot of resentment building up from being a people-pleaser and co-dependent all these years..even though these traits have helped me to connect to people and break out of my shell. And alot of my self-worth is derived from being useful and working hard, both good things, but not when it keeps me from accepting that I'm worthwhile just "being". It's been wonderful finding this forum and seeing my thoughts and feelings being expressed by a variety of people from all over the world, so I don't feel like I'm from another planet for feeling this way.
I don't think there was really any info on SA out there when I was in my late teens, and then in my 20's there seemed a focus on depression. If I had this info on SA when I was younger, I guess I would have made better progress by now....but then again, in today's world with the instant communication and the facebook/social sites, I don't know how well I'd be dealing with that
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1,482 Posts
I'll be 40 in October and I've had problems since I was a little girl. It's frustrating and can be exhausting because I feel torn up inside sometimes because I want to do stuff and change more faster than I am. Maybe it's fear of change. I think I've made a little progress. I can say hi to people and have a few conversations. It can be hard though. I hate it when I have to force myself to do stuff that comes easier to others.
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428 Posts
I thought exactly the same thing. I remember thinking, "If I can just survive childhood, I'll be okay," since it appeared that all adults were competent and confident . . . :no. Of course, lucky me, turns out I'm a manual . . .
I'm 46 and had SAD since age 11. I had risk factors before that though like being a little on the shy side and kind of a hypochondriac and I had the yips in little league, I couldn't make a decent throw to first when the pressure was on. :lol Oh yeah I also was a poor eater and had reactive hypoglycemia which I know was a factor. I had some unnecessary stress at home too. My SAD was at it's worst around the time I graduated high school. It has never been better than now since before age 11. Still far from totally gone though.
I turn 40 in December, but in anticipation of turning so have already mentally placed myself there. Am personally anxious to see if when I actually turn 40 I start to picture myself as 41.
Anyway I can relate to one of the previous posts about wondering just how I'm perceived, because I just don't have what seem to be normal social skills. Pepper said she can't tell the stylist what kind of haircut she wants. I can't get my pants tailored to fit me. They are all either too long, too short, too tight or too loose. After I picked up my most recent alterations, I gave in the salesperson's suggestion (despite my urge to flee right then and there) and actually did try them on. The salesperson asked me if they were OK, and I couldn't bring myself to say "No, they're too long (and baggy)"
Instead I said "Oh, they're fine," and then I fleed. And now each day I wear them it's a reminder of my failure as a human.
Anyway I can relate to one of the previous posts about wondering just how I'm perceived, because I just don't have what seem to be normal social skills. Pepper said she can't tell the stylist what kind of haircut she wants. I can't get my pants tailored to fit me. They are all either too long, too short, too tight or too loose. After I picked up my most recent alterations, I gave in the salesperson's suggestion (despite my urge to flee right then and there) and actually did try them on. The salesperson asked me if they were OK, and I couldn't bring myself to say "No, they're too long (and baggy)"
Instead I said "Oh, they're fine," and then I fleed. And now each day I wear them it's a reminder of my failure as a human.
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428 Posts
I wouldn't even go to a hairdresser or a tailor so you guys can at least give yourself credit for going; you're one up on me!
I too often find myself saying things are "fine" or "that's okay" to things that really aren't fine or okay at all. Oh well. *sigh*
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