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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm very embarrassed to admit it, but I sent a girl I really liked online a couple thousand dollars. She needed money; she lives in the Phillipines, and is quite poor, and she was sincerely considering moving here to my state, and things seemed to be going well for her, and she fully intended to pay me back, though of course I had no expectation of that really; things got bad for her, she lost her job, and other problems, so she had to stay in her country, which is fine, we were great friends still, and I'd be perfectly content to meet her even a couple years from now.

First time we chatted back in October I saw her in her webcam, but it was only for a minute or so, and I think she was wearing a wig or something to look like she had blonde hair. So she sent me a picture the next day; It was a normal looking picture of an blond attractive white girl. This girl said she was born in the USA and that she was a quarter filipina. WELL, after much insisting and questioning, and having made reference to her in this picture hundreds of times I found out she had sent me a fake picture and had lied to me over and over! she finally sends me her real picture, and she is a fine filipina girl not just a quarter. So she looked completely different from the fake picture of someone else she sent me!!

I thought this was an awful lie to do this, and yes I'm naive here, but it is what it is. and I don't want to be racist or limited here, but I'm pretty much only attracted to girls of my own race, so when I saw her picture, I really wasn't attracted to her at all anymore. I'm sure she knew that could happen, thats why she was keeping who she really was from me, cause she knew I could help her and send her money.

I'm very hurt by the way she lied to me like that. and I feel awful for kind of rejecting her now, because she isn't that beautiful girl in the first picture she sent me..is this really bad to not talk to her as much now?? am I wrong to turn away from her a lot based on her looks? is that what I'm doing? its just suddenly she is a completely different person than who I thought...and in many ways she's using me and taking an advantage of me...I just feel really bad telling her, "your not pretty in your real picture, so I don't want to talk to you anymore.." I mean I wouldn't say it like that, but she's a smart girl, no matter what she'll know thats what I mean.. :( am I right to feel this way? or should what she looks like and the fact she lied to me not matter at all??
 

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I think it's understandable to be angry at her. She flat out lied to you about her identity over and over again. Trust is a big deal in any kind of relationship and she basically threw that out the window when she told you she was someone she wasn't. If she lied about her appearance, then what else might she be willing to lie about?
 

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Just the fact you are so kind about it astonished me because if it were me, I would be in a total inferno. You must've really liked her a lot and even through the lies, you saw something beautiful. You are a kind person, we make mistakes, just get up and live another day.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Just the fact you are so kind about it astonished me because if it were me, I would be in a total inferno. You must've really liked her a lot and even through the lies, you saw something beautiful. You are a kind person, we make mistakes, just get up and live another day.
yes you are right. I will just get up and live another day. I do need to learn not to be taken advantage of by others, and I am learning that at least which is good. my problem has been I am quite desperate for friends, and will do anything to keep a friend, because then I don' t like being lonely you know? and I feel great even when I have a bad friend..its so much better than no friend.
 

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This sounds like a scam. It's pretty common - they meet someone online, give them a sob story and ask them to send money. She may not even be a "she". The second picture could also be a fake.

Even if she's legit, I'd sever contact immediately. She's a liar and a phony at best, and you've got nothing to feel guilty about.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
This sounds like a scam. It's pretty common - they meet someone online, give them a sob story and ask them to send money. She may not even be a "she". The second picture could also be a fake.

Even if she's legit, I'd sever contact immediately. She's a liar and a phony at best, and you've got nothing to feel guilty about.
yes I am very aware of that possibility, and we have talked enough to know for sure she is "legit", I understand exactly why she did what she did, I don't like it at all obviously, but like I said in my above post, I will take her as a not so great friend, over having no online friend at all..as we do have good conversation a lot and she helps me with some of my problems for real...and she's someone I feel comfortable telling things too, and we have a real friendship in some ways, even if overall it is bad..
 

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Yeah, it's a scam and they're trying to make you feel guilty for being superficial. Try not to let it get to you though - everybody has been scammed one way or another. It says nothing bad about you, and everything about them.

Lesson learned, right? Just ask a few more questions first next time. It doesn't mean that all girls online are going to scam you though.
 

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No, it's not SA. So many people attribute behaviors to SA that have nothing to do with anxiety. I once gave a stranger at a pyramid party $100. I did it because I was inexperienced and trusted others too much and did not use good judgment. When we're lonely and we want to create relationship, we can be taken advantage of. But don't dwell on that. Dwell on the fact you are wiser and still have this great ability to give to someone who is trustworthy.
 

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of my me too, what's my problem?? why am I like this?? is it SA??
It's just that they see right and wrong differently then most people. They don't feel bad about it because they imagine you as being a bad person. But you're not, as evidenced by the fact that you are kind enough to help someone who you thought was in need. Just be more careful next time and stop beating yourself up about it.

I've had some pretty scary things happen to me in my life, but all I can do is shake it off and sort of be thankful for the lesson. I even try to laugh at myself sometimes for all the times I let myself get scammed. If you don't laugh, you'll cry.
 

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SCAM!! its a scam dude dont feel sorry for that biotch shes (heck it could be a he for all you know) trying to take your money... ANY chick (or guy) online from a foreign (or anyplace) country asking for money is going to take your money and claim they will go to see you with it and will never show up... warning for scams like that is allover the internet tom from myspace made a blog about it... you cannot trust anyone who is asking you for cash especially if you have never even met them in person before...

PS the webcam trick can easily be done too just take into consideration that she was on it for a short time *hinting the scam
 

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^Couldn't have said it better myself. Please don't send money to strangers. If you're feeling that generous, you can send me some. I'm kidding, but you have to look out for yourself better.
 
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